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Feeling desperate about husbands affair

(59 Posts)
Isabeth Thu 21-Feb-13 22:03:11

I found out on Monday that my husband has gone back to an affair that he ended 18 months ago. I am devastated, he is very confused about what he wants and has moved out to try and work it out. He is not a bad person but has seriously lost his way am I crazy to even consider having him back?

Isabeth Fri 22-Feb-13 21:22:56

I have been away for the day living my life with out him, taking the girls to school and all their activities and we have just been to the pub early doors with mine and their friends. It has been motivating to get out there and carry on life without him. after reading messages earlier i e mailed him a long message about how I felt and basically what A selfish twat he has been. you are probably wondering why i had not said his to him before but i hadn't. realised that he had never been sorry and that I had to stop being nice and tell him the truth. We are now at loggerheads but it feels good as I have stopped pretending for fear of loosing him. Maybe I will loose him now but I realise that if he can't be truly sorry and come back on my terms we have no future. This maybe still sounds pathetic but it is progress!

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Fri 22-Feb-13 21:31:35

Not pathetic at all Isabeth it's uncharted territory so you're bound to be nervous. This is a good place to sound off and express what you're used to keeping under wraps for fear of rocking the boat.

Try and see it not so much as losing him (suggests he's a prize worth having) as you stepping up and standing up for yourself. This is your life, not just his with you and DCs mere puny satellites.

Isabeth Fri 22-Feb-13 21:36:06

You are absolutely right he is not a prize worth having!

AnyFucker Fri 22-Feb-13 21:52:33

That is progress

as long as you don't have your little tantrum, then things go back to the way they were before

Lovingfreedom Sat 23-Feb-13 00:25:59

Yes. Try not to tell him everything. Moving on means he is no longer the person you go to to say how you are feeling, thinking, doing etc.

TDada Sat 23-Feb-13 07:39:57

Dear Isabeth - baby steps is progress. Can I recommend a visit to classy hairdressers as a first step. Symbolic of a new you. Then some intense gym workouts. Perhaps sign up for 10k run. Then let's maximise affection from friends and family....you are a decent nice person propping up a weak indecisive man.

I can guarantee that you will feel stronger in the near future. Sadly you DH will find this attractive and try to cling on.

LaQueen Sat 23-Feb-13 16:58:27

Isabeth good that you told him exactly how you felt. But, I'd put a lid of any future emails - unless totally necessary ones concerning arrangements to do with your DCs, etc.

Otherwise, you're just going to get into an endless slanging match of You said/No you said/No you said...and it's pointless.

I think you have definitely lost him - and I would go so far as to say, that you probably never had him in the first place? Because twats like him never have any integrity, or honour, anyway.

The way I look at it...you haven't lost anything worth having. Instead you have found a much better life smile

doinmybest Sun 24-Feb-13 12:45:29

I agree with LaQueen I sent a few texts in the begining how could you be so cruel to me and my dcs I am devestated etc but then I stopped because as I said in a previous post I felt I was playing the role of psycho ex wife he had probably told OW I was. So I kept a dignified silence.

The only communciation we have now is what time are you picking dcs up and what time are you dropping them off. Then, out of the blue he phoned yesterday. all nice as pie dd wanted to stay at his last minute and was that ok with me? A few weeks ago he would have got her to ring or even just text to tell me it was happening. Is that ok with you?????? he said

Just keep communication to polite basics. Its very empowering to have the upper hand and I bet it will drive him mad. Its still good to get if your chest tho isnt it smile

Betrayed40 Thu 04-Jul-13 13:42:41

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