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I need inspirational stories from happy divorced ladies please!

(60 Posts)
orsomethinglikethat Wed 20-Feb-13 11:20:11

So it looks like its all over after 10 years and 2 dcs. We are still living together while we save some money for one of us to move out which is not much fun. I'm a sahm with not many qualifications and youngest dc is still a baby so it looks like I will be on benefits to begin with. Not exactly what I had planned but I'm trying to look on the bright side, I will be free and in control of my own life! Anyone been through this and come out the other side?

dothraki Mon 04-Mar-13 13:35:39

Yep to that Llareggub - ain't much sex in a bad marriage grin

Llareggub Mon 04-Mar-13 13:22:52

I love my new single life. I separated from my H over a year ago due to his alcoholism. I struggled on in the marital home for a while, then thought sod it and moved 150 miles back to my home town to complete FREEDOM. I have an enormous rented house with sea views at a fraction of the cost of our tiny house and me and my sons are thriving in our new lives. It's great. I've even had sex.

dothraki Mon 04-Mar-13 13:16:31

orsomething - could he not go and stay with his parents ? As for men misunderstanding - well years after we split (and he was divorced from second wife) he had a significant birthday. So I got him a very cheap piece of shite small present. This was for my dc's benefit, so they didn't feel even worse. The fucking bastard idiot told them I was still in love with himshock. Good luck at CAB

orsomethinglikethat Mon 04-Mar-13 09:43:39

Grr I tried to talk to him again last night, I asked him how much money he has saved for a flat and after avoiding the question for a while he admitted hes got nothing! I can't afford a solicitor but cab have a drop in tomorrow so fx theres something I can do.

Toadspawn Sun 03-Mar-13 22:59:40

Watching

Ikeameatballs Sun 03-Mar-13 15:31:04

P seemed to think that me being civil to him for the week that we lived together and just generally trting to get on meant that I wanted to try again. Sometimes a bit of me thinks I do, I can't imagine getting to an emotional place where I won't feel for him. I guess that 11 years and 2 dc does that!

orsomethinglikethat have you been to CAB or a solicitor? They should e able to give you advice about your rights. That might make you feel a bit more in control of the situation?

comingintomyown Sun 03-Mar-13 15:18:24

If its any consolation xh spent a month sporadically saying he was going to give the keys back ie renege on the rental he had set up . I think he just faltered at each stage of the actual split up and it took him time to adjust to each bit.

If you keep the message simple ie you no longer want to be married to him then eventually he should realise he wont be wearing you down or changing your mind

In what way is he being a shit ?

orsomethinglikethat Sun 03-Mar-13 14:05:41

Good for you ikeameatballs, I'm glad this has helped you!

I'm having a hard time atm, h is being a complete shit. We are still living together and he seems to be in complete denial. He agreed to leave but since then he keeps moving the goalposts, he looked at a flat last week and said it was too small and he couldn't really afford the rent then he looked at a houseshare and said he couldn't live there as the housemates are too messy. I think he will pick fault with everything he looks at because he can, he doesn't want to believe its over and he thinks by dragging it out I will roll over and let him stay.

We've been mostly civil to each other so the dcs don't have to witness any bad atmosphere but when we spoke a few nights ago he said I'd given him the impression that I wanted to try again confused because I'd said hello to him when he got home from work. When I try to confront him he completely stonewalls me. I have no money of my own and nowhere to go and he seems to be using this to his full advantage. His parents have said to him that I have pnd (untrue) and I think hes using this to make me think all our problems are my fault. I feel so trapped atm.

Sorry for the garbled message, just needed to get that out!

comingintomyown Sun 03-Mar-13 14:02:39

Its early days Ikea so be gentle on yourself

So my divorce came through ten days ago and I did have a subdued day and tearful evening running the old why couldnt he have xy and z so we didnt split but the next day I woke up feeling rejuvenated and have been fine since.

I think that was probably the last bit of upset I will have over xh now and I am sort of glad I felt like that although that sounds daft

A good friend in our circle is deeply unhappy in her marriage to her childhood sweetheart been together 25 years or so . Their relationship is quite dysfunctional with her being on the shitty end of the stick for most of it and her unhappiness shows itself in a lot of odd ways but she only talks about it when drunk.

If only I could bottle the essence of divorced me and show her that , however unlikely she thinks it, she would be soooooo much happier unmarried than married to him

Ikeameatballs Sun 03-Mar-13 13:41:37

I really needed to read this thread. Told p 2 weeks ago that I thought we should split up, he moved out 1 week ago. I am mostly happier but still get feelings of regret at how it could have been (but wouldn't because he would always be crap with money and prioritise himself over the rest of the family).

Trying to plan things for me and the dc to look forward to this year and to remember why I wanted to split!

dothraki Sun 03-Mar-13 12:36:40

Yy - another happily divorced. The first 18 months were very difficult. My dc's were 1 & 4. I felt like I could not breathe. I didn't want to go out socially, and he left me with a mountain of debt. Luckily I had a good job, and cleared my debts. I think staying in - at night helped me rediscover myself. When he left he blamed it all on me - and I was dumb enough to believe him. I gained so much from being alone. I realised its far worse to be in a bad marriage that to be alone. Once trust has been broken I do not believe it can be rebuilt. Good luck - I wish we'd had mumsnet then - as I'd have realised he was a twat alot quicker ! I am very happy and have a wonderful family - he is all alone and bitter and twisted.

orsomethinglikethat Sun 03-Mar-13 12:08:32

Is anyone still around?

typographicerrors Sat 23-Feb-13 23:26:33

what a relief to find a board that has happy stories. I have begun to initiate a separation from my partner and at the moment everything feels so bleak and difficult. I will keep reading here with interest.

MardyPants Sat 23-Feb-13 22:46:50

Together 7 1/2 years, married 6 months, booted him due to his 12 month affair (ie it started before we got married = gross). Barely even remember any of it now - it seems like something out of someone else's life! - and have no idea how I managed to convince myself I was happy with a lying, cheating fuckface with a drink problem who put everyone and everything before me. Good riddance grin
Couldn't be happier! Bit skint like, but there's worse things!!!

corblimeymadam Sat 23-Feb-13 12:11:26

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

orsomethinglikethat Sat 23-Feb-13 11:40:21

DiscretionAdvised of course you can join in, the more the merrier!

Stbx came home last night saying he agrees with me that we can't work through our issues, he isn't willing to change on the things that I told him are dealbreakers for me and that staying together is only going to fuck up our dcs so it looks like we finally agree on something!

Ils know now and they have been absolutely scathing about me but I knew that was coming, they seem totally unable to see him as an adult which imo is what has caused him and us major problems. He is not a bad person but he is so childish and irresponsible and they justify his behaviour and bail him out time and time again so that he never has to take responsibility for himself. I told my lovely friend yesterday and she has been wonderful as usual smile

First baby steps out of the way and the world is still turning grin

wallypops Fri 22-Feb-13 20:00:06

So happy to be divorced. Been divorced now for 5 years - longer than my marriage and I it is the think guaranteed to cheer me up every day. My beautiful DDs were 2 & 3 at the time, and its been great for us all frankly.

I do not know why I thought it was shameful. It isn't. It's bloody brilliant.

DiscretionAdvised Fri 22-Feb-13 18:56:11

Comingintomyown.

I am still in the 4 am smokes in the garden phase despite sleeping pills. tis hard. I desperately want to quite smoking too!

DiscretionAdvised Fri 22-Feb-13 18:52:03

Can I join with the hand holding?
Decided to separate from DH in september. Had four months of hell living in the same house. He moved out three weeks ago.

Initially the relief has been immense not to have the constant stress of not knowing when an argument was going to erupt.

Emotionally I am on a bit of a rollercoaster with huge highs and deep lows. I'm in the early stages of a complicated romance with a colleague. He is in the process of leaving his DP (we have not ended our relationships for each other to be clear!).

I do feel deep guilt at seeing DH so unhappy. He agrees that the marriage wasn't happy but I suspect if I suggested he come home then he would be here like a shot. We have three DC's so it's hard work, they seem to be OK.

I have yet to truly find my happy single head, but it do get it occasionally. I sometimes enjoy the evenings to myself but at other times feel lonely.

Purpleknickers Fri 22-Feb-13 18:47:18

I'm happy, after 20 years with the same man and 14 years married, I thought I'd never walk or breathe again. 4 years on and I'm happier than ever and have been for the last 3 years once I got over the shock of his flit.

The future is bright... Go for it. smile

orsomethinglikethat Fri 22-Feb-13 18:12:30

Thank you all again so much, its nice to know theres light at the end of this seemingly long tunnel grin

belgianbun you just described exactly how I feel atm, you can have a handhold too!

CallSignCharlie I just read your thread but didn't have anything useful to add, it sounds like you will be a million times better off once you've got this scary first step out of the way.

Lovingfreedom Fri 22-Feb-13 14:58:07

I'm just weighing that up Fleecyslippers .... abusive, unfaithful man vs brand new car and a holiday .... hmmm .... good for you!!! wine

Fleecyslippers Fri 22-Feb-13 11:08:26

Its hard. Its definately hard. My Ex was/is abusive and had an affair. The split is very acrimonious and he and OW are relentless. BUT I have no regrets. I AM myself again. Despite all that he told me I AM ok. I am financially secure. I have a brand new car on the drive - all.my cars previously were in his name. I have a holiday booked and I can make my own decisions and live my life as I want to.

NicknameTaken Fri 22-Feb-13 11:07:51

Another happy divorcee here! As Redflag says, the great benefit is no dramas. As it happens, my ex is still a great one for manufacturing drama, which I've moaned about on other threads, but it's still a lot less drama than I had living with him every day.

Lovingfreedom Fri 22-Feb-13 10:54:58

The clue's in the name....go forth and enjoy your freedom...sooner you can get him out of the house the better. wine

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