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I need inspirational stories from happy divorced ladies please!

(60 Posts)
orsomethinglikethat Wed 20-Feb-13 11:20:11

So it looks like its all over after 10 years and 2 dcs. We are still living together while we save some money for one of us to move out which is not much fun. I'm a sahm with not many qualifications and youngest dc is still a baby so it looks like I will be on benefits to begin with. Not exactly what I had planned but I'm trying to look on the bright side, I will be free and in control of my own life! Anyone been through this and come out the other side?

Ikeameatballs Sun 03-Mar-13 13:41:37

I really needed to read this thread. Told p 2 weeks ago that I thought we should split up, he moved out 1 week ago. I am mostly happier but still get feelings of regret at how it could have been (but wouldn't because he would always be crap with money and prioritise himself over the rest of the family).

Trying to plan things for me and the dc to look forward to this year and to remember why I wanted to split!

comingintomyown Sun 03-Mar-13 14:02:39

Its early days Ikea so be gentle on yourself

So my divorce came through ten days ago and I did have a subdued day and tearful evening running the old why couldnt he have xy and z so we didnt split but the next day I woke up feeling rejuvenated and have been fine since.

I think that was probably the last bit of upset I will have over xh now and I am sort of glad I felt like that although that sounds daft

A good friend in our circle is deeply unhappy in her marriage to her childhood sweetheart been together 25 years or so . Their relationship is quite dysfunctional with her being on the shitty end of the stick for most of it and her unhappiness shows itself in a lot of odd ways but she only talks about it when drunk.

If only I could bottle the essence of divorced me and show her that , however unlikely she thinks it, she would be soooooo much happier unmarried than married to him

orsomethinglikethat Sun 03-Mar-13 14:05:41

Good for you ikeameatballs, I'm glad this has helped you!

I'm having a hard time atm, h is being a complete shit. We are still living together and he seems to be in complete denial. He agreed to leave but since then he keeps moving the goalposts, he looked at a flat last week and said it was too small and he couldn't really afford the rent then he looked at a houseshare and said he couldn't live there as the housemates are too messy. I think he will pick fault with everything he looks at because he can, he doesn't want to believe its over and he thinks by dragging it out I will roll over and let him stay.

We've been mostly civil to each other so the dcs don't have to witness any bad atmosphere but when we spoke a few nights ago he said I'd given him the impression that I wanted to try again confused because I'd said hello to him when he got home from work. When I try to confront him he completely stonewalls me. I have no money of my own and nowhere to go and he seems to be using this to his full advantage. His parents have said to him that I have pnd (untrue) and I think hes using this to make me think all our problems are my fault. I feel so trapped atm.

Sorry for the garbled message, just needed to get that out!

comingintomyown Sun 03-Mar-13 15:18:24

If its any consolation xh spent a month sporadically saying he was going to give the keys back ie renege on the rental he had set up . I think he just faltered at each stage of the actual split up and it took him time to adjust to each bit.

If you keep the message simple ie you no longer want to be married to him then eventually he should realise he wont be wearing you down or changing your mind

In what way is he being a shit ?

Ikeameatballs Sun 03-Mar-13 15:31:04

P seemed to think that me being civil to him for the week that we lived together and just generally trting to get on meant that I wanted to try again. Sometimes a bit of me thinks I do, I can't imagine getting to an emotional place where I won't feel for him. I guess that 11 years and 2 dc does that!

orsomethinglikethat have you been to CAB or a solicitor? They should e able to give you advice about your rights. That might make you feel a bit more in control of the situation?

Toadspawn Sun 03-Mar-13 22:59:40

Watching

orsomethinglikethat Mon 04-Mar-13 09:43:39

Grr I tried to talk to him again last night, I asked him how much money he has saved for a flat and after avoiding the question for a while he admitted hes got nothing! I can't afford a solicitor but cab have a drop in tomorrow so fx theres something I can do.

dothraki Mon 04-Mar-13 13:16:31

orsomething - could he not go and stay with his parents ? As for men misunderstanding - well years after we split (and he was divorced from second wife) he had a significant birthday. So I got him a very cheap piece of shite small present. This was for my dc's benefit, so they didn't feel even worse. The fucking bastard idiot told them I was still in love with himshock. Good luck at CAB

Llareggub Mon 04-Mar-13 13:22:52

I love my new single life. I separated from my H over a year ago due to his alcoholism. I struggled on in the marital home for a while, then thought sod it and moved 150 miles back to my home town to complete FREEDOM. I have an enormous rented house with sea views at a fraction of the cost of our tiny house and me and my sons are thriving in our new lives. It's great. I've even had sex.

dothraki Mon 04-Mar-13 13:35:39

Yep to that Llareggub - ain't much sex in a bad marriage grin

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