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opp. sex friends + hubby

(38 Posts)
awkwardawkward Sat 16-Feb-13 19:28:07

Disclaimer: I 100% love my husband to pieces and am NOT even CONSIDERING having an affair, so no need to berate me grin

I've been working with this man for a couple of years or so now, in my job we are sort of paired together so 9 times out of 10, we work alone together. Obviously over this time I've got to know him and it's AMAZING how much we've got in common, really astonishing, he's like the male me. I don't find him sexually attractive, and we are both married with children and we've NEVER done anything even hinting at naughty (thought makes me cringe) and don't often see each other out of work, and certainly not without partners around too. But, I am increasingly aware of just how well we get on and think that if we were seen in a pub people would assume we are flirting/a couple because we just have such a rollicking good time IYSWIM?

I dunno how to handle it with my husband, there's nothing going on but I worry he thinks there is, because I catch myself talking about my friend/colleague so much! Wouldn't be an issue if it was a female friend, he just happens to be male. I'm not sure if hubby's noticed but sometimes I just sense that he's thinking 'wow she talks about X rather a lot...' and he makes an effort to laugh it off. I have tried to cut down on that and take pains to lavish attention and love on husband, but I'm really worried now that that looks even MORE suspicious!

I don't want to just blurt out "I'm not having an affair with X, honest!" because it may not even have crossed his mind and then I'll look a right crazy eejit grin

anybody else ever been in this situation? should I find more important things to worry about?

Booyhoo Sat 16-Feb-13 20:45:11

what assumption?

Booyhoo Sat 16-Feb-13 20:47:47

will do Mmmnoodlesoup! (love that epsiode)

Januarymadness Sat 16-Feb-13 21:18:59

the assumption that she is making things up in her own head.

Booyhoo Sat 16-Feb-13 21:40:29

well, as she is the only person who thinks her contact with this man might appear to be something other than what it is then i think it's fair enough to think she could be making this up in her head to make life a bit more interesting. why is it ok for you to say that other people like making stuff up in their own heads but not ok for me to suggest that OP might be one of those people?

Januarymadness Sat 16-Feb-13 22:44:33

I have been on the wrong end of hearing whispers, snidey comments, sideways looks, winks and nudges. There is never enough concrete stuff to call people on it without you looking like a complete loon but it doesnt mean it is not happening.

And then, like in this thread, there are the people who say "well if others are thinking it there must be a reason". No. Actually sometimes there is smoke without fire. Sometimes boys and girls can just be mates.

When I first introduced my now husband to uni mates during a night out a girl came over to me and said I better watch my boyfriend with one of the girls there as they were very chatty. Actully I had met dh through this girl and they were friends. Nothing dodgy.

The op may be making things up in her head or she may just care about her husbands feelings.

Booyhoo Sat 16-Feb-13 23:26:13

have you read the thread?

the whole point i'm trying to make is that THERE ARE NO WHISPERS from anyone. OP is the only one who sees this as an issue.

"And then, like in this thread, there are the people who say "well if others are thinking it there must be a reason". "

who said that on this thread? who said 'if others are thinking it'? no-one has, because no-one except OP is thinking it.

awkwardawkward Fri 22-Feb-13 07:03:01

Hi all, been away and no chance to get back to thread sorry about that!

January I'm glad you can see where I'm coming from.

Maybe I am making it up? That WAS my original question, am I right to be concerned or should I just find something more important to worry about? I can accept I might be being a drama queen, but I'm not ashamed because it comes from a good place, not wanting hubby to be upset over nothing. But I'm not having any suggestions that I'm cheating or even thinking about it - I'm not!

As for nobody else but me thinking it, how are we so sure about that? hmm unless you can see into the minds of everyone around me I can't see how we do really....

Sugarice Fri 22-Feb-13 07:13:31

Stop talking about this amazing man all of the time to your dh, he may be pissed off but too polite to mention it or he may switch off when you start another discussion on how wonderful Jim is and you've not noticed.

You do sound enamoured with this man.

SonOfAradia Fri 22-Feb-13 11:49:18

It's almost like you posted this so you could talk some more about this amazing man.

Januarymadness Fri 22-Feb-13 14:21:38

oh come on leave the girl alone. Just because 2 people like each other and get on doesnt mean they are up for an affair. That is a bloody riddiculous and anti woman point of view!

Slumberparty Fri 22-Feb-13 14:31:41

I get where you're coming from OP. I work mainly with men and often find myself talking about someone all the time at home to my DP. We often joke about it so I don't think he is in anyway worried.
I expect if you suddenly stopped talking about him, then he may suspect something! Otherwise, just keep going like you are. You're being open and honest about your friendship so don't worry about anything unless your DH tells you he's worried.

NymphadoraTonks Fri 22-Feb-13 15:22:43

Carry on as you are. My best friend, other than my husband, is a guy, I've known him for 8 years and I've never thought about anything romantic with him. It happens, however much people like to say it doesn't! If you're doing nothing to be worried about, don't worry about it. You can only get in trouble if you're doing something to get in trouble for.

Zaphiro Fri 22-Feb-13 16:49:26

What a weird thread grin

OP, keep being pals with Jim. If the closeness makes you uncomfortable or feels inappropriate, you can cool it. If it doesn't, you have a good friend. As long as you're making an effort to maintain your relationship with your husband too, I don't see the problem.

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