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Dilemma - report to police or not.

(115 Posts)
findingmymarbles Tue 29-Jan-13 23:14:34

Posted in Chat before, as I wanted it to disappear, but two weeks on I'm a bit better and would like honest opinions.

I split up with OH of 3 years before Christmas. There was an OW, who moved in as I moved out.

Due to the nature of both my job and his, our paths are inevitably going to cross, unless I considerably change my lifestyle and career path.

After moving out on the 13th of December, and subsequently finding out about OW I was in a bit of a mess. However, I picked myself up and began a freelance business related to what XOH and I did.

Two weeks ago I got a job that involved going onto a property that OH owned. In the interest of being a grown up, and also knowing that if OH chose he could have taken the job on himself I rang him and a) asked his permission to be on his property and b) explained to him what I'd be doing.

At this point I assumed I'd be dealing with a rational person. I was quite wrong. When I arrived on the property, before anyone could see me arrive he came across the yard, caught me by the hair and dragged me into a shed, where he fondled my breasts while watching out of the window in case anyone was watching.

I was asking him what he was doing, telling him to let me go, etc, but because he had been my best friend for 3 years I thought if I reasoned with him it would be ok. When he ascertained that there was nobody to see him, he dragged me by the hair into his house, pressed my face against the wall and told me to take my shoes off. I did, but kept saying, what are you doing, let go.

He then picked me up by the end of my plait and the back of my jeans, which hurt quite a lot, and carried me upstairs. He pinned me on the bed, and the whole time I was saying, get off, get off, and fighting, and wriggling. He had my fringe pinned to the bed, so my head was back, and was lying on my legs so couldn't move. He was trying to kiss me and to get his hands in my trousers, but didn't have enough hands to pin me down and get my clothes off. The whole time I was saying get off.

When he realised I was not giving in, several minutes later, he let me go and I ran out of the house.

There is no physical damage, no witnesses, it is my word against his. So shoulod I report?

slambang Sun 17-Mar-13 21:27:15

Bloody well done Marbles.

Hope your ex is shitting himself and regardless of the eventual outcome his punishment is waking up daily for the rest of his life knowing he is guilty.

I remember you posting this. So glad to hear your update, no idea about trials etc. but hope it all goes well for you.

findingmymarbles Sun 17-Mar-13 21:00:56

Sorry to resurrect old post, but just a short update. XP has been charged with 5 sexual offences, ranging from attempted rape to sexual touching, 2 common assault charges. This is between his Xwife and myself. Court date is 3rd of April, at a magistrates court.
I'm assuming if he pleads not guilty it will go to trial and I'll have to testify?

teresa2003 Thu 14-Feb-13 20:52:58

Sorry i didnt read all of the posts before as my crap laptop keeps freezing all of the time.I am really glad you have reported him not only for yourself but for all the other women he could of attacked in the future. Well done.

Adversecamber Thu 14-Feb-13 20:50:27

Well done I have just read the thread your a brave woman.

teresa2003 Thu 14-Feb-13 20:38:36

I would definately report this whatever the outcome.I understand what you mean about it being" your word against his" but the shock of being reported may stop him in his tracks.You also dont know if he has done this to other women. Or what he may be capable of in the future.Good luck.

That's great. well done you and hopefully he is now on the way to getting what he deserves. Also, it might have given him a bit of a shake up to be arrested.

undercoverhousewife Thu 14-Feb-13 10:03:46

..and you may have saved future women from suffering the same experience as you or, heaven forbid, worse. You are very brave and an example to us all. And I am impressed with the police too.

Marbles so glad that positive action is being taken and hope you have got good support too.

Milchardo Wed 13-Feb-13 16:11:13

So proud of you.

BerylStreep Wed 13-Feb-13 15:46:44

Good news.

ItsAllGoingToBeFine Wed 13-Feb-13 11:15:26

That sounds like a worthwhile result. Well done, and look after yourself smile

Jux Wed 13-Feb-13 11:08:53

Excellent news, marbles. Well done. That was very well done indee;, thank you.

Lueji Wed 13-Feb-13 08:36:56

That's great news. smile

lots of stuff has come out of the woodwork about him
I'm not surprised from what you said about his ex.

At the very least the police will have him more and more on their radar.
And let's hope it gives him a good enough fright not to try it again.

wow! that's a result.

take care of yourself, finding.

Cortana Wed 13-Feb-13 01:07:54

Like Eldrich I have just seen your thread.

Thank you from me too. You've been so brave and although it can't change what he did to you, you've done something that will protect others in the future.

Good luck in the future Finding, wishing you all the best.

EldritchCleavage Wed 13-Feb-13 00:16:43

Just seen this thread. I want to say thank you, finding, for doing a difficult and horrible thing. I hope you get justice, but even if nothing comes of this you've marked his card, bravely, and that may well help another woman down the line to be believed.

ThatVikRinA22 Wed 13-Feb-13 00:02:41

well done finding - the police will always do what ever they can - evidence is a key issue but hang on in there.

tribpot Tue 12-Feb-13 23:58:37

Blimey. That's a bit more than expected, but certainly no less than he deserves. Thank god you were brave enough to report it.

Wow! I am impressed and its great to think that he has not got off scot free and also that you and others might be safer as a result. Well done you.

findingmymarbles Tue 12-Feb-13 23:20:50

So sorry for Crispy that in her case nothing has moved forward.
An update on mine, he was arrested today, questioned all day then released on bail with lots of conditions to keep everyone safe. The CPS is now handling it, from what I can gather he's on bail til the middle of march while they investigate further ( lots of stuff has come out of the woodwork about him). Then they will decide whether they have a strong enough case to charge him and take it to court.

izzyizin Wed 06-Feb-13 13:08:59

Crispy's original thread has been updated.

It's titled 'got a date tonight and I'm getting nervous!' and, at the time of writing, it's on p1 of this board.

undercoverhousewife Wed 06-Feb-13 09:41:21

Well done, Sweetheart. I really hope the police take this seriously.

Crispy start a thread again for some support.

well done. if we keep quiet then nothing will get done for sure. the next time he wants to do something he may think twice or your statement may give the police enough ammunition to prosecute.

CrispyHedgeHogmanay i remember your thread. so sorry it hasn't gone further for you. big hugs.

Jux Wed 06-Feb-13 08:20:13

Well done marbles. thanks to you, and a big hug. xx too.

Crispy, that's dreadful. So sorry it happened to you, and hope the cops wake up xx

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