So I should be asleep, but insomnia strikes again and I've found myself reminiscing after a conversation with a friend earlier today about online dating and her experience of Match.com, which isn't going well (understatement) so far. For those of you, like her, who feel like giving up, I thought I'd share the good, the bad and the ugly of my dating experiences and how, just when I was a the end of my tether, I was taken by surprise.
My first spate on Match lasted 8 months:
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Had everything in common on paper, but in real life there was no chemistry. Stayed friends though and made three great female friends through him.
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Totally unhinged 30 year old virgin who spent our date talking to be about how he planned to become a male prostitute to pay for his uni fees and the time he tried and kill himself. I couldn't get out of there fast enough.
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Lived in a different city, so I didn?t get to meet him as soon as I had with the other two. After a few intense weeks of 5 hour msn conversations and 2 hour phone calls during which we seemed to have developed a connection, I went down to London to spend the weekend with him. Sparks flew, we spent an amazing night together, the next morning I wake up in his house to find no sign of him, only note to say I was a great girl but there was no chemistry (could have fooled me!) he'd gone to a friends house, could I please be gone by the time he comes back? (WTF??) Coward.
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Utterly full of himself lawyer who treated our date like a job interview, claimed that disabled people were a waste of space because they contributed nothing to society, said he could tell I didn't have kids because I "still had an ok figure"!!! When I told him that my mum actually had a better figure than me, he asked for her number! He went to the toilet and I walked out.
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Was going fairly well until 3rd date when he said (quote) "I like a variety of different cunts, you can be my Monday girl". Er, yeah. See ya later.
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Intelligent, handsome, witty banter, several great dates, but it was obvious this man was too young to settle down. Glad I got out before he broke my heart.
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After rushing into no. 3, I had alarm bells that this man might be too good to be true. Yet again, someone from a different city, but after speaking to each other for hours on the phone every night for a fortnight, exchanging dozens of photographs, etc, I threw caution to the wind and took the train to meet him. Couldn?t believe my luck when he met me on the platform ? he was drop dead gorgeous, seemed extremely genuine and fell head over heels in love with me. The feeling was mutual and the relationship lasted 2.5 years. I think my patience with him would have expired far sooner if I hadn?t been so physically attracted to him. The fact was as much as he loved me, he loved himself more and could be utterly selfish at times. He still lived with his mum (who did everything for him) and refused to leave home and move to my city, despite the fact I owned my own house in an area where property prices were half that of his city.
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Admittedly I was on the rebound from no. 7 and probably shouldn?t have let this Mr Nice Guy take me on a birthday holiday to a 5* hotel on Lake Windermere - it was only the second time I?d met him!! The trip soon became torturous ? although chatty in emails / msn, in real life he was so painfully shy he barely spoke! I ended it on the final day of our break and he cried for the entire 6-hour car journey home?
I then had a break from internet dating for 4.5 years and had a relationship with someone I met in RL through mutual friends. He turned out to be a complete cockloger, who had a secret account on a gay dating site, was passive aggressive, proposed to me three times but never gave me a ring, then did a runner when I was pregnant ? internet dating gets a bad press, but my RL boyfriend was a serious contended for the twunt crown, let me tell you! Trying to stay positive, I eventually went back on Match.com?
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My mother had urged me to go for ?someone older and more established? so when a man 10 years older with his own successful PR company started messaging me, I was flattered by the attention. Texts (sometimes over 100 a day) epic phone calls, etc went back and forth for a heated month. He was very intense, showered me with compliments (with hindsight I could tell he was in PR!) and by the time we finally found a date to meet month later (yes, another long-distance thing) I?d worked myself up into such a frenzy (him saying ?this day could change the course of our lives forever, etc?) that my heart sunk when I saw him because I knew instantly that I didn?t find him physically attractive (yes, I?d seen photos and I?d known he was stocky with a skinhead which is the complete opposite of what I usually go for, but I?d tried to be open-minded because no. 7 had been completely my physical type and it had blinkered me to his behaviour, plus photos often don?t do people justice) Despite all this, after a zillion cocktails, him asking me to be his girlfriend, telling me I was the girl of his dreams and he could quite easily marry me (?!) I stupidly slept with him (he?d mentioned at great length on several occasions what an amazing lover he was?again, that was clearly PR talk!!) Therefore I was quite relieved two days later when I got an email saying he was "probably making the biggest mistake of his life? but he couldn?t be with me because ?there was something not quite right? he ?couldn?t put his finger on it? (??!) Two months later he contacted me again begging for another chance - only then did he realise what a truly amazing lady I was, it wasn?t me, it was him, blah blah. I ignored him.
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A week after the roller coaster of no. 9, a man with beautiful blue eyes who sent me an email on the off chance I fancied meeting up in the park for a walk (he was back in my city for the weekend only, visiting relatives) I thought "what the hell" and agreed to meet him ? he turned up barefoot with his dog and we had an amazing afternoon ? he was really on my wavelength, but a relationship was never on the cards - he lived 200 miles away, was still getting over the shock of his wife going off with his friend, was extremely busy running a yurt campsite and had two young boys ? however I found his honesty refreshing and this proved a complete antidote to my previous date.
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This man pushed back the time of our date at the last minute because of an ?emergency? Drs appointment?I?d already traveled to meet him at this point, so ended up waiting around for 2 hours?then he was a further 30 mins late with no explanation. I was just about to leave when he showed up with make up on one side of his face, but not the other (??!) When I asked him if he was ok, he said he?d been to the Drs because he?d drank alcohol for 2 nights in a row, which he?d never done before, and he wanted to make sure he was ok (??!) I went to the toilet, phoned a friend and asked her to ring me back with a fake reason why I had to leave immediately ? the reason she gave? ?There?s blood on your front door!? I made a swift exit, but obviously he didn?t buy it because later that evening I received an email saying: ?How extraordinarily rude?!!!
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Appeared charming and attentive and first, but after I refused to sleep with him on the second date, he said with utter indignation: ?But I bought you dinner!!?
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See no. 6, I was somewhat bewitched with this man whom I called the Gypsy Prince - he?d just returned from 7 years traveling in India, Guatemala and Mexico, was fascinating and devilishly handsome?after four passionate dates, he said that I was a wonderful woman, but he just ?wasn?t feeling it?. Meh?
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Gypsy Prince had wounded my pride and I had sworn I wasn?t going to waste any more of my time dating and concentrate on myself. That was when an interesting man contacted me, and we began talking about a shared passion - creative writing. I was surprised that I hadn?t seen his profile before, despite knowing the site well by this point ? indeed he?d been on Match for 3 years, but had only had a couple of first dates?I then saw he?d mistakenly listed his height as 4ft 7 (he?s actually over a foot taller) so probably had been filtered out of many people?s search criteria! We arranged to meet, ostensibly to talk about writing (I hadn?t wanted to call it a ?date? because I was so sick of getting my hopes up) but?we both knew within literally 10 seconds of meeting face to face, as fatalistic and unbelievable as it might sound, that our search was over and we were meant to be together?and we have been ever since. 18 months on we have set up home together, he's my best friend, my lover, my equal and I still can?t believe my luck that I?ve finally found him
Our relationship makes everything that?s gone before appear so insignificant, but at times like this I look back at recall my journey and realise that because it had so many ups and downs it's made me even more appreciative of how lucky I am now. 
Feel free to share your stories too - I'd be really intrigued to hear them