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Forgotten how to handle flirting

(101 Posts)
donnasummer Tue 01-Jan-13 11:03:05

I've been single since the dawn of time. Busy with work, dc. Happy with it, no time for anything else. Then, last night there was someone at a party .. kept flirting with me, kissed me .. and I panicked! Basically froze him out the rest of the evening, it was like being 18 again. It was a small group of friends, mostly in couples, so the kissing stuff was a bit of of place. He and I were the only single ones and it was NYE ...I liked him and was attracted to him but I literally didn't know what to do! Life is just too busy to fit anyone else in and I really am too old for one nighters. I've been on my own with dc this Xmas, then they went to their dad's; I must admit I've felt a few twinges of lonliness. I had more or less accepted that I was over and done on the romantic side of things so it was really disconcerting to think that someone found me attractive, even with the beer googles on. Life is so much simpler when it's just me .. and yet, am I cutting myself off from potential happiness as well as a lot of hassle? It made me realise how useless I am with this side of life. And how I miss having someone, really. How would mnetters handle being kissed at a party? That's it, really. It's a ridiculous question from someone in their forties - years ago I'd have been fine but last night it totally threw me!

CogitoErgoSometimes Tue 01-Jan-13 11:21:13

Depends if I liked the person kissing me!!! If 'yes' I'd have snogged them right back, batted the old eye-lashes and shouted 'have that man washed and sent to my room!'. If 'no' I'd have pulled away, batted the old eye-lashes, sent him to get me another drink and then wedged myself between one of the other couples hissing 'help!!'.

You're probably just out of practise.

donnasummer Tue 01-Jan-13 11:25:42

really, really out of practise - this hasn't happened to me since the 1990s shock
I did snog him back then someone came in so I jumped away from him and pretended to be busy doing something with glassware. Then I more or less ignored him! argh!
He was nice and very funny.

chimchar Tue 01-Jan-13 11:31:09

Awww. I'd be the same (but am very married so not wanting to be kissed by anyone else!!!) be flattered that you pulled! You've obviously got it going on! wink

It's great that you liked him too. Maybe it was a bit too much of a surprise to you, but it has potential to be a relationship.

Do you know the guys name? Could you get a contact number for him through the host of the party? You could text and ask does he fancy meeting for a daytime coffee?

For what it's worth, I have no idea what I'm talking about. I think I've watched too many romcoms!!!! grin

itspeanuts Tue 01-Jan-13 11:32:25

What have you got to lose? I think it's really exciting.

Obviously the old adage is true "someone comes along when you least expect it."

I take it that you would like to see him again? Is there anyway you can get in touch with him?

CogitoErgoSometimes Tue 01-Jan-13 11:36:21

So you liked him.... <rubs hands, matchmaker plan forming> . Your girlish hard-to-get act probably struck just the right note and I expect he's scouring the streets this morning, glass slipper in hand, hoping to find you. smile Agree with the above about getting a contact number and suggesting meeting for coffee. Go on... what have you got to lose?

donnasummer Tue 01-Jan-13 11:38:57

Yes, I am quite flattered! It just shows what a skirt and heels can do ...(mind you he was dressed as a chicken ...)
He's a friend of friends so I could get in touch but I don't think he lives round here and we both have dc so logistics rule out a relationship.
It has made me think, though.

donnasummer Tue 01-Jan-13 11:40:01

crikey if he is scouring the streets I hope he got changed lol
I don't think I can (spineless)

donnasummer Tue 01-Jan-13 11:41:22

god I am useless at conversation when I fancy someone

donnasummer Tue 01-Jan-13 11:42:38

what have I got to lose? I've built a really good wall around myself so I don't get hurt, that's what I've got to lose

CogitoErgoSometimes Tue 01-Jan-13 12:00:12

Time to chisel a door into that wall. smile I've been single for far longer than I care to remember and also, initially, found it very difficult to let down my defences long enough to have a relationship with someone new for fear of getting hurt. However, by setting the bar high, keeping my 'twat radar' finely tuned and being honest with men from the outset.... e.g. dating/fun/nookie yes, moving in and rearranging my groceries, no.... it is possible to get the best of both worlds.

donnasummer Tue 01-Jan-13 12:01:52

mmm well it's not like there's a queue of them so I can probably relax! off to have a bath now, thanks for all the empathy and encouragement!

JugglingMeYorkiesAndNutRoast Tue 01-Jan-13 12:09:07

Ahh, how sweet, sounds like a lovely New Year's Eve party !

Perhaps he'll get in touch with you for another meet-up ?

chimchar Tue 01-Jan-13 12:33:21

Now I know he was wearing a chicken outfit and you fancied him a bit makes me think that this has MASSIVE potential for a big fling!!!

donnasummer Tue 01-Jan-13 14:28:14

yes, it was a really lovely party!
lol chimcar, you def have watched too many romcoms!
but get this, update, have been invited to dinner with the same group of mates later so the fat lady hasn't sung yet
am gonna pretend none of last night happened and just be friendly, I think that is the only way to stop myself acting like a plank - good,yes? jeans and a white shirt?

CogitoErgoSometimes Tue 01-Jan-13 14:39:32

If you pretend nothing happened when you see him again you'll come across either very cold or a bit weird. Why not make a (nice) joke of it instead? Break the ice. 'Sorry I ran out on you on NYE but it's been a while since I kissed a chicken...' etc.

donnasummer Tue 01-Jan-13 14:47:05

I am a bit weird I think! Neither of us will have beer goggles on today so it seems better to just go back to normal (adds bricks to wall)
you know, friendly, smiley
I am so gauche when it comes to this kind of stuff
anyway I didn't run out on him he crashed out long before me lol

CogitoErgoSometimes Tue 01-Jan-13 14:58:19

OK so your opening line changes so give it a bit of thought and use your charm rather than automatically putting up the defence shields, downplaying things or thinking he only liked you because he was pissed. (Or are you worried you only liked him because you were pissed?)

donnasummer Tue 01-Jan-13 15:05:31

I wasn't all that pissed, I am quite sensible these days and intersperse the bubbly with water - I did like him, I just wasn't expecting it and it has really thrown me. I am useless at being charming when I like someone. But I hear you, and I'll do my very best!

donnasummer Tue 01-Jan-13 15:06:02

thanks for all the advice btw cogito

CogitoErgoSometimes Tue 01-Jan-13 15:15:01

You're welcome. Look at it this way.... you charmed him plenty last night so you're really just picking up where you left off. It's going to be awkward to begin with but, as one walled-up crusty old broad to another, I have huge faith that you won't need to do much more than smile to get the ball rolling.

JugglingMeYorkiesAndNutRoast Tue 01-Jan-13 15:18:44

Wow, dinner tonight ! That was quick of someone ! smile
Hope you have another lovely evening.
I agree, try to say something - I like the kiss a chicken line or some variation thereof grin

perplexedpirate Tue 01-Jan-13 15:29:58

Ooh, I miss this! Sooo exciting.
Put a dress on and do your hair scruffy/nice. Have some topics of conversation as a fall back (London fireworks, comedy shows you've seen or something equally light).
Also wear good pants. You may not need either of these things but you'll feel more confident if you know you've got them.
Happy new year, indeed! winkenvy

CogitoErgoSometimes Tue 01-Jan-13 15:40:06

<produces pencil and notebook> .... good.... pants..... grin

donnasummer Tue 01-Jan-13 15:41:49

yeah I've got da pants! no intention of showing them but I know they're there! thanks for all the votes of confidence
I will do my best not to let y'all down
feeling a bit icky now, maybe I overdid it just a smidgeon xxxx
it's not a romantic dinner it's a group roast (not in the footballer sense)will check in later

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