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DP has been acting like a nasty horny teenager.

(102 Posts)
WhatsHappenedToHim Sat 08-Dec-12 00:03:12

I've name changed because he knows my nn.

My dp has been acting very strangely recently. Every time there's an underwear advert, pretty tame sex scene, nipples showing through a shirt or anything slightly sexual on tv he will be completely engrossed and stop what hes doing to watch, I cant say or do anything to break his gaze. Hes never been like this before but hes acting like a horny teenage virgin or something.

He wont go anywhere near me though!

I had a baby a few months ago so understandably I have a wobbly stomach. Hes poked it a few times calling it podgy or made comments that I'm fat (Ive lost about 2 and a half stone so far PP and a stone away from pre pregnancy weight, 8.5 stone) When he sees that hes offended me he would quickly say he was joking and give me a hug, even though he rarely hugs me any other time. Again this is so out of character.

Hes also made comments about women at work being 'fit' or when he sees a pretty women will say 'she'd get it'

The worst thing of all is how flippant he is about the bad things I've been through in the past (abuse, rape etc.) He will rarely say things about my situation personally but will comment on other women who have been in those circumstances and joke. When he does joke about me personally he will say things like 'Poor little privileged girl had such a difficult life boohoo'

Why has he turned into this nasty person? He was nothing like this before.

defineme Sat 08-Dec-12 00:08:45

I don't know, but the final comment about 'poor...' makes me very very sad for you and makes me think that you are in a very bad situation. The people that love you do not not say that sort of stuff to you-enemies wouldn't say that shit.

What do you say when he says that?

ArmyOfPenguins Sat 08-Dec-12 00:11:53

He has a sense of male entitlement and collective male guilt, and rather than address it and take responsibility he finds it easier to get angry with you?

A theory anyway. It must be horrible. I'm sorry.

BertieBotts Sat 08-Dec-12 00:14:30

Wow, that's really nasty sad Was he definitely nothing like this before? Even if it was at other people but not at you? It seems strange that he would suddenly change to acting like this if he was normal and respectful before.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie Sat 08-Dec-12 00:16:12

He's a vile jumped-up little man

You don't want to stay with him, do you ?

SirBoobAlot Sat 08-Dec-12 00:16:15

Oh you poor thing, that sounds utterly vile to be dealing with sad

How is he towards your baby?

It sounds as though since you had the baby he has switched how he sees you from a lover to the mother of his child.

Tbh I could go on about how men react to babies sometimes but I wont. Because none of it is an excuse and he sounds utterly vile.

Can you sit down with him and explain how his behaviour makes you feel? Do you think he will listen?

If he continues after you have talked with him I urge you to get out of this relationship. This is emotional abuse and it will escalate.

Congratulations on your baby smile

AnyFuckerForAMincePie Sat 08-Dec-12 00:18:04

Diminishing you and disengaging himself from your relationship are often signs his attention is elsewhere ie. another woman.

aprilrain Sat 08-Dec-12 00:22:01

How long have you been together?

If my DH commented on my post baby tummy overhang I'd be apoplectic.

I'm currently 3 stones heavier than when he met me and I've been even heavier. Plus the baby belly. And the wrinkles. But he makes me feel nothing less than attractive and desirable.

I feel really angry for you actually.

AgnesBligg Sat 08-Dec-12 00:24:01

He's a charmer isn't he? I don't know how he was 'before' - when before dc or right back at the beginning? - but yes he is behaving like an arsehole right now.
How horrible for you.

and 'Poor little privileged girl had such a difficult life boohoo' - fuck off with that. angry

ChippingInAWinterWonderland Sat 08-Dec-12 00:25:27

Jesus wept - why are you still with this tosser? It doesn't matter that he's covered this up in the past - he is now showing his nasty true colours.

Do you rent/own the place you live in?

Who do you have nearby who could help you?

ChippingInAWinterWonderland Sat 08-Dec-12 00:27:02

Can you sit down with him and explain how his behaviour makes you feel? Do you think he will listen?

Wannabe - you have to be joking. He is treating her rape/abuse as a joke FGS.

DontForgetTheSproutsLawrence Sat 08-Dec-12 00:29:41

He sounds utterly delightful hmm

Do you really want this to be your life?

WhatsHappenedToHim Sat 08-Dec-12 00:30:07

When he says these things I've been speechless to be honest, I normally ignore him, but he doesn't notice I've not replied. Hes usually doing something else when he says things like that.

He's never been like this before and he gets along with his ex's so I don't think they have experienced it. He used to be very good looking but hes put on loads of weight recently and doesn't take care of himself anymore, so it could be that hes trying to make me as self conscious as he is.

Hes completely loving and brilliant with the baby. Alot of the time hes fine and perfectly normal but will drop these little comments in out of nowhere.

wannabe I have mentioned a few times that hes changed and its upsetting but I will need to have a proper sit down with him with no distractions.

AnyFucker I've been feeling like this could be the case recently but I've snooped about and found nothing. He was funny about me looking at his camera pictures the other day though

DontForgetTheSproutsLawrence Sat 08-Dec-12 00:34:27

When he says these things I've been speechless to be honest, I normally ignore him, but he doesn't notice I've not replied. Hes usually doing something else when he says things like that.

^^ Read that again, as if you had not posted it yourself.

He might be brilliant with a baby - what about you?

WhatsHappenedToHim Sat 08-Dec-12 00:34:38

Oh dear I missed a few replies.

We've been together for 2 years. I've not left him because this is really recent. I cant get my head around it.

I rent and no I don't have anyone around, I don't have family or friends anymore.

SirBoobAlot Sat 08-Dec-12 00:34:55

If he's stopped taking care of himself, and is being so utterly horrible to you, do you think its possible he is depressed?

AnyFuckerForAMincePie Sat 08-Dec-12 00:35:38

Other woman (women) or not, this bloke is acting like a cunt, and you should not tolerate it

he can be a "ggod dad" away from you

AnyFuckerForAMincePie Sat 08-Dec-12 00:35:45

good

AnyFuckerForAMincePie Sat 08-Dec-12 00:37:07

oh, fgs

being "depressed" does not impel people to make cuntish remarks about his partners history of rape and sexual abuse against her

AnyFuckerForAMincePie Sat 08-Dec-12 00:37:43

has he driven your family and friends away, OP ?

WhatsHappenedToHim Sat 08-Dec-12 00:39:57

I'm pretty sure he is depressed, I've told him to go to the doctors and he makes appointments and then doesn't turn up. He has some issues to do with sexual abuse when he was younger (he only brought it up once and never again) so I don't understand how he can joke about it.

SirBoobAlot Sat 08-Dec-12 00:40:07

Being depressed does impel people to sabotage their relationships, try to pick fights and to hate pretty much everything though.

I've already said above that its vile behavior. And I'm not excusing it. But if he's stopping taking care of himself, has put on weight, and has a sudden behavioral change, the depression could be a reason.

WhatsHappenedToHim Sat 08-Dec-12 00:41:59

No, I've never got along with my family. I don't have friends because I moved away and I haven't had a chance to meet anyone here.

ChippingInAWinterWonderland Sat 08-Dec-12 00:46:56

Well, if I were you, I'd pack everything up when he's out and go to a friends where I used to live and sort myself out from there. Two years isn't very long and clearly he's been able to hide what a prize wanker he actually is.

I'm sorry this is happening to you, especially when you've just had a baby sad But you can't live like this.

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