Note: Mumsnetters don't necessarily have the qualifications or experience to offer relationships counselling or to provide help in cases of domestic violence. Mumsnet can't be held responsible for any advice given on the site. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Bum/anal sex orgasms and feminism!

(63 Posts)
KoalaCakes Thu 15-Nov-12 17:23:44

I'm new here, what a great website!

Anyways, I'm not at all au fait with all the abbreviations so bear with me and any guidance appreciated smile

Right. Bum sex. Two issues. I have a newish bf who is bringing things out in me sexually even I'm surprised at...and I'm very experienced! We have discussed anal sex which has always been a big no-no for me as due to previous health issues I sometimes have enough trouble evacuating never mind letting the workers back in the building! Howeverrrrr, he has told me in great filthy detail about his experiences with an ex who he says used to come like a demon from it without any clit work. I think the fact that he's French/Dutch and tells me in 'that' accent really helps but I got soooo aroused when he detailed exactly what he'd like to do to me and how. We tried some anal play with lots of lube and a finger while i was busy at the front door with a certain R-rabbit and the orgasm was so intense but i was still aware that it was mainly the clitoral stimulation that was guiding the orgasm, and I'm still not 100% sure about letting him literally take the plunge without further research (practical and online!)

Anyways, It got me thinking: do women who have vaginal orgasms come easily from anal compared to those of us who dont? And what sort of quality are they??

My other issue is this. I'm a feminist, and the majority of threads i've read on forums re anal sex tend to be along the lines of 'doing it for him' or 'he initiated it first time'. I'd be very interested to hear if any women initiated it for themselves or do it selfishly (god forbid!) with partners who dont favour it that much.( i'm sure these men are out there!shock).

HappyGirlNow Thu 22-Nov-12 22:38:02

grin I thought as much! grin

KoalaCakes Thu 22-Nov-12 19:49:58

HappyGirlNow, I was raised on a healthy diet of Carry-On and regretfully Benny Hill (hated it!), and Kenny Everett was definatly a bad influence!wink

HappyGirlNow Thu 22-Nov-12 17:43:19

Koala are you actually Sid James? grin

KoalaCakes Wed 21-Nov-12 22:38:19

Indeed SolidGold. Some folk just get alittle freaky about that. It's not like he's comparing me or using ex's to pressure me. And I LOVE hearing him talk about it in his filthy European accent! Believe me, if I didnt have the health problrm it'd be 'job done' by now ('scuse the pun!)

SolidGoldYESBROKEMYSPACEBAR Wed 21-Nov-12 22:32:33

COming back to this thread (er, so to speak) I don't get why mentioning that a previous sexual partner liked something, or did something particularly good, is such a bad idea. Unless you are a couple of virgins, you know the other person's had sex with people before you, and what's wrong with that?

KoalaCakes Wed 21-Nov-12 22:12:57

Ok. some points to clarfiy!

1. I'm very liberal sexually and done in the right context hearing about my lovers previous sex experiences can be very erotic for me! He's certainly not pressurising me.

2. I am neither a teenager or a journalist. And whereas I am a 'newbie' I am most certainly not niave (and am a little confused as to why niavity should be presumed because I'm new to the site!). I'm a 44 yr old woman with a Masters in Gender & Sexuality and hence find all aspects of this fascinating perhaps on levels that most people may not. I'm just grateful for places like this where I can talk to other women about something thats becoming a consideration for my own sex life. As a feminist I look at things through that lens, it has never restricted my practices. Huge differences between liberal and radical feminism..rads dont do much for women at all!

Thanks to all for your positive comments on this thread. Sorry if it got a bit racy for some (am I?), but look around...its lame by some standards!

CindySherman Sat 17-Nov-12 19:50:48

grin @ OP Who said romance was dead!

MrsWhoGivesaShit Sat 17-Nov-12 19:48:45

i did indeed KoalaCakes! rest your pounded undercarriage, and when you are ready dont forget to come back and tell us me all about it!

strumpetpumpkin Sat 17-Nov-12 15:30:45

and certainly dont make up your sex rules by what you think feminists would like.

Feminists like as much kinky shit as anyone else im sure

strumpetpumpkin Sat 17-Nov-12 15:29:28

love bumsex, its probably my favourite type of sex of all, but discussing the details of his sex with an ex in an attempt to get me to try something new, really wouldnt work for me.

Not everyone likes it. If you want to try it, then do, but dont feel pressurised into it because his ex did it. Thats really insensitive of him imo

Monkeytrewsers Sat 17-Nov-12 15:27:05

A colleague of mine did his PhD thesis about the female orgasm. Many mumsnetters contributed! www.academia.edu/1191032/RJK_PhD_thesis

Gay40 Sat 17-Nov-12 15:21:24

The feminist issues with anal sex never really occurred to me. Maybe because I only have sex with women.
And bloody marvellous it is too, whichever role you find yourself in.

GrimAndHumourless Sat 17-Nov-12 14:51:18

oh dear

I am sorry your euphemisms are not flourishing, sadface

Punkatheart Sat 17-Nov-12 13:46:01

You are spot on, What. This is either a teenager getting his kicks or a journalist.

Whatnowffs Sat 17-Nov-12 10:50:56

what publication do you usually write for OP? as entertaining as it is (without the crudness) you do not come across as a niave newbie - i hope you had a fun night though.

usualsuspect3 Fri 16-Nov-12 23:00:30

TMI

KoalaCakes Fri 16-Nov-12 23:00:14

Just occurred to me that not eveyone might want that. I bet MrsWhoGivesAShit might...now there's a woman in charge of her sexuality!

KoalaCakes Fri 16-Nov-12 22:58:34

All this bumsex talk has got me going. I'd like to say the Frenchdutchman's getting the lot tonight but the fuckers given me a water infection with his over amorous front door slamming so it looks like I'll just have to punish him with a blow job. I'll keep y'all updated on any bumsex progression but at the moment my undercarriage needs a complete rest! Cycling all over this pretty city doent help...

rhondajean Fri 16-Nov-12 22:42:15

Hear hear sgb.

SolidGoldYESBROKEMYSPACEBAR Fri 16-Nov-12 22:13:27

OH, and also: Having seen something in porn and been turned on by it enough to want to try it out doesn't make a man a woman-hating arsehole. Asking a partner, politely, if s/he would like to participate in a particular act, is not wicked, as long as a refusal is accepted with good grace and, if it's something that might be uncomfortable or complicated, as 'yes' is treated with respect and the act engaged in with care and attention. PIV, oral sex, even kissing, can be unpleasant and abusive acts if they are done maliciously by unpleasant people. Bumsex and BDSM can be thoroughly enjoyable, if they work for you and if you are doing them with someone who is a decent human being who turns you on.

SolidGoldYESBROKEMYSPACEBAR Fri 16-Nov-12 22:09:36

OK some feminists think that anything goes, sexually and some feminists think that a Proper Feminist wouldn't have any kind of sex with men at all. So you can like bumsex as a recipient and not have to give up your career, or the right to vote/drive/go out unaccompanied. Etc.

The truths about bumsex are,
The pleasure is physical, if you like it, if you are on the recieving end, completely irrespective of whether you are male or female....
If you are on the administering end, the pleasure is psychological and physical if you are male, and much more psychological than physical if you're female.

Not everyone likes bumsex. Some people like it more from one end than from the other, some are repulsed by the idea and some are happy whichever end of the pole they are on.

I personally like administering, but have never fancied being the pillowbiter.

Whatnowffs Fri 16-Nov-12 21:51:36

I like bumsex because it feels bloody great, however i do like the "slutty" feeling of it too. I like porn but i actually don't like porn with bumsex in it, nothing against it just doesn't do it for me.

Is it a feminist issue? not for me it isn't because it isn't something i would do outside of a loving relationship and i'd only ever do it if I wanted to. That counts for pretty much anything sexual though.

Whatnowffs Fri 16-Nov-12 21:45:03

could we posssibly do without all the crudeness though confused

Whatnowffs Fri 16-Nov-12 21:43:37

I really like it, it does make my orgasm more intense althouh i can't come without clitoral stimulation. My DP likes it too (a finger up the bum)

cronullansw Fri 16-Nov-12 21:33:58

I don't think it has become mainstream solely because of porn......

The Greeks were using it as the primary contraception method over 2,000 years ago apparently. In British brothels during the Victorian ear it was known as 'Greek', and the girls charged extra because it was so popular.

A pal who used to visit Germany for work in the 60's used to tell me how sex hungry the German girls were, (his words not mine) and 'they all want it in their arse, all of 'em'.

So yeah, blame porn, definitely.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now