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Oh Mumsnet - you have got me into trouble(64 Posts)
Reading a thread about DHs and porn and came across a way to see their i-phone history even if they'd deleted.
I couldn't resist looking. Not hugely bothered if DH looks at porn (they all do as far as I can tell), relationship generally good and I had no reason to feel the need to check up on him. Partly I wanted to see what turned him on to see if it would help spice things up a bit, partly I am just nosey.
Anyway, amongst the stuff on his phone was a site called affair-guide.com. Seemed to be an actual guide to how to have an affair without getting caught rather than porn so I asked him about it.
He said it was probably a pop up and is now refusing to talk to me at all because I have invaded his privacy.
caja think you've absolutely hit the nail on the head damm I feel bad now!
I cut their heads off some time ago, Katie, but they grew back and now
writhe trail below my shoulders.
I intend to
raise the corpse of invoke Vidal Sassoon on the 31st in the hope that he can style them into a more manageable 'do', as it were
<attempts to plait the buggers>
Oh, feel free Izzy
All converts to the coven are welcome.
<Have you tried the MN Viper haircut, BTW? >
I've taken the liberty of adapting one of your impressive responses on another thread for the OP's use, Katie. I have, of course, credited you and hope it will be in order to refer to it again should occasion arise.
<combs snakes writhing on own head into a fetching fringe>
I didn't know this stuff exsisted and to be honest, makes me want to snoop too.
I tried to link that but it hasn't done it.
This is the text on that page, (I'm a bit crap at this).
Finding someone to have sex with really isnt that difficult. I know some pretty nerdy dudes that have pulled in some serious tail. The difficult part of cheating is getting away with it. Women cant help themselves. They dont trust anyone. Even though they might tell you they trust you, they dont. Every move you make, theyre paying attention. Every penny you spend, they know about it. So you have to be incredibly cautious to avoid her from finding out about your secret life.
4 Most Common Mistakes Cheaters Make
1.Failing to hide their browser history (sites you visit online) and passwords on the family computers.
2.Careless use of text messaging and phone call logs.
3.Paying for a hotel, online dating site, and other activities with a shared credit card or shared bank card.
4.Forgetting to delete IM logs.
The main reason men make these mistakes is carelessness. They think theyre invincible and dont realize just how much their wife is paying attention to what they do. I can teach you how to find a sex partner, but if you dont know how to avoid making the above mistakes, you may as well just tell your wife youve been having an affair.
How to Avoid Making Careless Mistakes
If youre generally a careless individual, its time you change your habits. Attention to detail is the #1 key to cheating and getting away with it. You must have a solid system for cheating. That system should be strategically planned out and executed completely. Dont even bother trying to meet women until youre 100% certain youre prepared. And read these tips on how to avoid making common mistakes men make.
Web Browser History
I figured this part was common sense, so I never even brought it up. That was until I had quite a few guys emailing me to tell me they were caught by their spouse because they failed to hide their online moves. So this is your fair warning. It really doesnt matter if the computer is a shared computer or your own computer, you need to USE PRIVATE BROWSING if youre dating off of cheating websites so your wife doesnt find out what naughty websites youve been visiting.
Im going to stop you before you say, my wife has never touched my laptop. She might someday. What happens if youre careless and completely forget about the sites youve been visiting and allow her to use it? She might type in a website and see a site suggestion for one of the adult sites youve been visiting. She will immediately begin to question why youve been visiting that site. Cover all of your tracks.
Get in the habit of USING PRIVATE BROWSING every time you do anything online related to having an affair. Using Privacy Mode on your browsers is a great idea, and the one guys forget the most. This will greatly help eliminate her chances of finding out what youve been doing.
Passwords also need to be deleted. On most browsers (i.e. Firefox and Google Chrome), you can delete your browser history without removing the paper trail left behind from stored passwords, email addresses, and user names. Remove everything related to having an affair after every time you use your computer.
For complete instructions on how to hide what youve been doing online, check out the this wiki article.
If I found this on my DP's phone I would go fucking mental. (Regardless of the how I found them).
Only when it's a full moon Lu
Yes, to the insecure and guilty we are a nest of vipers.
Oh well.... <shrugs, polishes nails>
I get pop ups on my iPhone when I go to nhs sites and am generally googling for pregnancy stuff - usually do I want to fill in a survey or sign up for pregnancy calendars etc. no idea about porn sites as I don't use them, I've never had a porn pop up appear through.
Looking through my Internet history, the pop ups don't appear on it unless I've actually clicked on it though and gone to the site it's advertising.
Although on my history it says I've been on adult friend finder!! I haven't ever, So no idea where that's come from.
You can turn off pop ups on the iPhone but some sites will actually appear in the advanced settings on iPhone that are linked to sites . I say that he has been on porn and a site has been "attached" to it and that's why it's appeared in the log
Maybe this was a roundabout way of showing that he can be trusted, and can organise things she'll love?
After all, if she was his, you probably wouldn't worry about what he was organising. Maybe he was just trying to show that you don't need to worry about him either, and that he is like her father?
It's a manly and unthoughtful way of going about it, but it could be what he was intending. Maybe he'll unveil it as a surprise just before they leave?
all is ok, I rang my mum thinking surely she'd know! she understood my worry and told me my dp's paid for my mum and dad to take dd and dd's cousin to Disneyland Paris for the weekend!!! why I couldn't know that I do not know and where the money's come from to pay for that and us to go away I do not know either .... I feel kinda bad as I havnt told dp I've spoken to mum and I know all the plans!!!!
InTheNightGarden I find that really weird and hope you've told him
to fuck off in no uncertain terms that you won't be going anywhere with him unless you know the exact whereabouts of your (not his) 17 month old baby and you trust implicitly the people she is with.
InTheNightGarden What??? He's going to send your DD somewhere and won't tell you where? Is that right? It's not a matter of trusting him, you've got to know where your baby is because, well, it's your baby innit?
Call me an old cynic if you like, but I'd lay bets on the fact that your dh is deliberately attempting to cloud the real issue here (of how to hide an affair) with feigning hurt/fury about you looking at his phone.
Which is working, because you're now running after him apologising and he feels he has the moral highground of being the wronged party.
Until you catch him out next time.
Good luck with this one.
lol I don't want to do it for the same reason, my dp has planned something for my dd (from a previous relationship) for a weekend while we go away however he won't tell me what she's doing, she's only 17months old!! he said I should trust him however I do not feel happy not seeing dd ALL weekend while we swan off anywhere!! thats why I want to look, he always lets me on his phone to use his apps so he won't suspect anything and I don't not me checking up on him coz I know he wouldn't do anything wrong in that respect just wanna know what my dd is doing!!!
There is a difference to me with general using each others phone and finding ways to get a deleted stuff.
if dh went through deleted history it would say to me 'i do not trust you'. My reaction would be hurt but want to know why and work on it. As would,i am almost 100%, would be dhs.
But yes i would be hurt that my husband did not trust ma and would want to know why.
Yes I do actually, as detective said you don't get pop ups on iPhones. Sorry.
Except that's not true. And you didn't say iPhones don't get pop ups. Your said there's no such pop ups for that. Which is something you actually don't know.
I think there is something going on with this man, based on refusing to look at her. But I also think the OP suspected something and is not saying.
However telling the OP something that you don't actually know isn't helpful.
Feck it . IMO married couples are allowed to check on each other. It's only human. He has something iffy. He annot explain it satisfactorily.
If I were you op, I'd appear to accept it, protect yourself (safe sex etc) and gather financial info, just in case.
Discuss your marriage etc- maybe he is entirely innocent, maybe he was considering an affair (the shit) or maybe having one. Then at least you are in abetted position.
I think checking someone's internet history is rather different to just using their phone. It is an invasion of their privacy and you have to accept that.
Which doesn't excuse him from any blame if he did indeed visit that site rather than have it pop-up or something else. And yes, you do get pop-ups on an iPhone.
You both need to sit down and have a proper heart to heart. you need to apologise for apparently checking up on him and he needs to actually talk properly about the site being on his internet history and whether there are actually any problems with your marriage.
Inthenightgarden - someone gave advice last week at looking at i-phone history. Go to settings, safari and then advanced data search on safari I think. I did this other day when saw somebody post about it. Unhappy that I'm checking up... But happy to report very innocuous history which matches actual history - so nothing being deleted. Do you really want to go down this road though? I find no joy in checking up.
also think you need to read more into the website you found :-/ ....how odd...deffo not a pop up!!!
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