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Hubby told me not to buy kids any more toys for Xmas :/

(86 Posts)
Cheekychops84 Sat 06-Oct-12 09:00:15

So what do I get a 7,5 and 2 month old!? He is such a Scrooge ! He is from a third world country mind and had no toys ! He see's them as clutter but I can't not buy them can I !?

needanswers Sat 06-Oct-12 09:23:44

I love piles and piles and piles of presents, huge SHINEY piles, my DH is not overly impressed grin, but I am amazing at getting bargains, as long as I get rid before the new stuff comes, he doesn't mind so much.

Thats because thats how I grew up though, we also have 25 days of Christmas, we do something Christmassy every day for the whole of December, even if its only a Christmas drawing or painting, I want Christmas to be about more than presents, how would he feel about that?

HecateHarshPants Sat 06-Oct-12 09:24:00

I assume he doesn't get himself anything? Or you don't buy him gifts? He hasn't got nice stuff for himself? No gadgets at all that aren't the most basic and the most essential.

To be blunt. Do not let him pull out that third world or childhood poverty stuff as some sort of stick to beat you with. He lives here. He has this lifestyle, this culture, these expectations. My husband grew up in rural kenya, one of ten children. They had nothing. He has never begrudged our children anything. In fact, he WANTS them to have what he could never have dreamed of.

joblot Sat 06-Oct-12 09:24:03

Well I can see his point most kids in UK have an obscene amount of plastic crap. A couple of quality gifts and some good experiences? Like meal, bowling etc? They'll remember good experiences more than tat

Offred Sat 06-Oct-12 09:24:46

Basically I think you each need to respect each others' different beliefs and find a compromise that works, no children don't need any toys and don't need more than one each Christmas it is simply a preference.

Cheekychops84 Sat 06-Oct-12 09:25:06

Yes will do but it's hard sad I will just get a couple more things so they have 3 each is that enough? I was going to buy the 2nonth old a cot mobile as she needs one not just for the sake of it

needanswers Sat 06-Oct-12 09:25:53

2 month old will be growing out of cot mobile by then!

KnockedUpMell Sat 06-Oct-12 09:26:07

1 toy is fine surely? May not be the uk norm, but is certainly the norm in many other parts of the world! DS is only getting 1 toy as we both hate clutter and think less is more when it comes to toys. Makes Xmas and bdays more fun I think as I have to delibrate what toy to get, rather than bein able to get him everything that I think he would like.

HecateHarshPants Sat 06-Oct-12 09:26:15

three things each is fine. They don't need a pile taller than they are. grin but they really do need (not need as in requirement for life! grin ) something.

Inneedofbrandy Sat 06-Oct-12 09:26:32

I would just buy a few other things Plus stockings and stuff what he thinks it's Christmas. Tell him Santa actually is real. Disclaimer I am single for a reason.

Cheekychops84 Sat 06-Oct-12 09:28:36

Yes pants as is mine he is one of 14! He doesn't have gadgets he can't do gadgets ! He jus loves his tv that's it. I had a lot so we need to try and meet in the middle money is tight as it is for everyone so will just buy a couple of toys and the rest stuff they need like pj's and hair bands and stuff an then maybe some dvd's and crafty stuff

Offred Sat 06-Oct-12 09:30:38

<does not get why the appropriate way to deal with relationship conflict is to undermine your partner buy buying stuff when it goes against his beliefs or to lay down the law and ban her from buying stuff - good luck with that!>

Cheekychops84 Sat 06-Oct-12 09:31:49

Lol is he not real then ? shock ok a light projector for 2month old? Or jus one thing under the tree for her? I like the one toy idea actually because in hindsight it all ends up over the floor the pieces are missing and then that's that!

HecateHarshPants Sat 06-Oct-12 09:32:30

Yes. meeting in the middle is good. Being dictated to is not. I just didn't like the idea of you being Told. Be Said, Woman. I had a bit of that when I first married my husband. He actually sat me down and told me that he would always "take my opinion into consideration when making his decision" and sat back, all proud, waiting for my appreciation of his generous and modern attitude.

I nearly died laughing. Then I put him straight and he was rather surprised grin

3 gifts plus some essentials is not unreasonable.

needanswers Sat 06-Oct-12 09:33:50

stand to sit taken from another thread I am on - would this be any good for the baby?? Its loads more everywhere else

Cheekychops84 Sat 06-Oct-12 09:35:52

Lol @ pants they are so lovely aren't they !? He is overall a lovely person but I think gets a little overwhelmed at what kids have these days.

Cheekychops84 Sat 06-Oct-12 09:38:00

Hey answers that's a good idea! U don't think it would take up too much space do you? grin

javotte Sat 06-Oct-12 09:39:57

Erm... DH is from Algeria. Never celebrated Christmas as a child, never had toys (very poor family), and he loves watching the DCs open their presents on Christmas morning!
He told you not to buy toys? I would tell him to f off!

adrastea Sat 06-Oct-12 09:43:09

My mother used to make me choose toys to give to charity (a children's hospital) every Christmas. It's a good lesson and also it does reduce clutter - toys should be recycled and space should be made for new toys, not just added to constantly. Is that something that could be a compromise?

needanswers Sat 06-Oct-12 09:45:25

It is difficult, my DH isn't overly struck on my mountain of presents (he def disapproves tbh), but he wouldn't say anything any more.

He does like the 25 days of Christmas thing as it satisfies him that Christmas isn't all about presents and is also about fun.

One idea he may like, we paper up the living room door, so you have to burst through paper to get in.

I do try to get a lot that can be just used up, so think paints, sticker books, ummmm glitter glue, bubble baths, pants and socks, practical things but fun for stockings.

AmberLeaf Sat 06-Oct-12 09:49:45

I dont believe its about how he grew up or beliefs what beliefs? hes christian isnt he?

Sometimes people are just joyless because they just are.

BertieBotts Sat 06-Oct-12 09:49:53

The thing is though, wherever he comes from and whatever he had or didn't have growing up, he has to see that his DCs live in a different culture and while it may seem gross or overindulgent to him, a big part of culture is fitting in.

You can do what you like within your whole family, but when the DCs go to school and hear about all the other children getting all these great presents, or read Christmas books, watch TV programmes or films which have Christmas stories they're going to feel like they're missing out if they don't get any toys for Christmas.

ivanapoo Sat 06-Oct-12 09:52:30

Maybe your husband sees Christmas as a religious occasion rather than a presenty one and that's why he doesn't want the focus to be allanout the gifts? You mentioned church that's all...

I do think a lot of kids are given ridiculous numbers of presents, some relatives of mine's kids had almost constant gift opening from 6am to 4pm on Christmas day, at which point they asked "are there any more presents?" they got some great gifts which they loved but some of them were largely unappreciated as they just disappeared under the sheer volume. The idea that so many parents get into financial difficulty just to buy their kids loads of Xmas stuff just astounds me.

Sorry that's a long way of saying it sounds like a few choice gifts is a good idea.

Well children these days do get loads. Certainly lots more than when I was a child. Old fogey alert.

Is it just the expense he objects to? Is it on religious grounds?

If itnis just the expense then you can sit down and talk to him and maybe set a budget. As others have said you can get nice useful stuff that they might get anyway. Craft stuff, new pants, socks etc. Bubbles. Stickers.

The baby doesnt need much. My DS was four months at his first Xmas and I just got him a little toy and some funny socks with faces on!

dysfunctionalme Sat 06-Oct-12 09:55:40

No toys because he had none? So he wants to recreate his upbringing for his kids?

I agree that there is a tendancy to overdo it (guilty as charged, my own dd told me she had too many presents blush) but yes, meet in the middle.

Something to wear, something to read, something to play with... and a stocking of little bits. Kids adore little things.

Whitecherry Sat 06-Oct-12 09:56:18

He sounds controlling, and OP, you sound almost scared of him

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