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SIL is a nasty bitch. Give me some clever words to say for next time she starts

(32 Posts)
adogcalledbetty Sun 30-Sep-12 19:42:45

SIL is now in her 60s. She's been around nearly all my life and we have generally tolerated each other. Contact is rare as she and my DB live a long way from me.

She really picks her moments - like when my DF was dying she launched into a hissy fit about how useless my DCs were as they should be mowing DFs lawn not playing on the computer! FFS

I don't want to make friends with her; my DB won't have a word said against her; I just want some clever retort. Any ideas?

CogitoErgoSometimes Sun 30-Sep-12 19:44:35

I find 'oh do fuck off' offends nicely..... smile

Forget clever retorts because they have no effect in the long run. You are under no obligation at all to see nasty family members who start on your children given any opportunity. Sounds like DB has become her enabler; such women always meed a willing enabler to help them.

FrustratedSycamorePants Sun 30-Sep-12 19:48:26

Did you brain engage before you just opened your mouth? You might want to work on that.

Or

Is it a conscience effort or just pure fluke that you sound like a bitch?

Katisha Sun 30-Sep-12 19:57:59

Just ask her to repeat what she just said.

berri Sun 30-Sep-12 20:00:13

I have said before "I don't think you realise how rude you sound" which seemed to work quite well, people find it hard to justify themselves when asked to actually explain a bitchy comment.

Strawhatpirate Sun 30-Sep-12 20:09:23

I find 'do feel at liberty to go and fuck yourself' usualy works but I think you would probably be best off just staying away from her. Some people just thrive off negative attention and want a reaction from you.

MolotovBomb Sun 30-Sep-12 20:46:00

Challenge her. When she says something that makes you want to slap her silly say 'Excuuuuse me?' or 'What exactly do you mean?'

These sentences buy you some time. Valuable thinking time. Also, your SIL will need to think about how to reply. Which will make her squirm.

Bitch would'a got screamed at by me by now ...

BrevilleTron Sun 30-Sep-12 21:06:08

Try " I'm sorry but I refuse to engage in a battle of wits with the unarmed"

BrevilleTron Sun 30-Sep-12 21:06:35

Or " if I throw a stick will you leave?"

jkklpu Sun 30-Sep-12 21:08:09

"Are you this rude to everyone or do you make a special effort with me?" <said very loudly>

HecateHarshPants Sun 30-Sep-12 21:09:51

Let her rant on and then when she's finished, look at her innocently and say "sorry, did you say something?"

Her head will blow clean off her shoulders.

HecateHarshPants Sun 30-Sep-12 21:10:56

Oh, or you could go for <calm, neutral voice> "I don't care about anything you think about anything. Would you like a cup of tea?"

Gumby Sun 30-Sep-12 21:14:30

'aren't you worried you're turning into a cantankerous old woman?'

BrevilleTron Sun 30-Sep-12 21:18:38

How is you've managed to live this long and not be demoted to a single-cell organism

I'd love to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up your ass

whatinthewhatnow Sun 30-Sep-12 21:39:57

hectate that second one is awesome. I'm going to use it as soon as I can.

HecateHarshPants Sun 30-Sep-12 21:41:43

It does work well. But it MUST be delivered in a calm, bland, disinterested voice to be most effective.

tiredofwaitingforitalltochange Sun 30-Sep-12 22:56:03

I have said before "I don't think you realise how rude you sound"

Even better: 'Did you mean that to sound so rude?'

Because it demands an answer. It's not my clever response, I must add, I read it on MN and thought it was genius. I will use it if I ever have the need... smile

ChrissasMissis Mon 01-Oct-12 10:37:06

"If I cared about your opinion, I would have been really offended."

scarletforya Mon 01-Oct-12 10:43:16

I'm sorry but I refuse to engage in a battle of wits with the unarmed Brilliant, I'm nicking that!

A withering 'I don't give a shite what you think' and a steely stare also suffices.

adogcalledbetty Sat 06-Oct-12 09:09:59

Thanks so much for all your responses.

I shall almost look forward to seeing her next time grin, rather than my usual dread.

ivykaty44 Sat 06-Oct-12 09:11:46

Oh you do come out with such rubbish - I don't know how you keep it to such a high standard of rubbish

hopenglory Sat 06-Oct-12 09:14:13

I prefer a yawn and a "sorry, I stopped listening for a while then. We're you saying something interesting?"

If you can't say something nice to me , then it's best if you say nothing at all .

ModreB Sat 06-Oct-12 09:21:54

You know, you are so far up your own arse you'll meet yourself coming down.

That works quite well. As well as 'Ha ha ha. Oh, you were being sarcastic, wern't you?'

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