Mumsnet Talk

I hate hate hate hate having pressure put on me for sex. Just changed jobs and planned to have a nice relaxing weekend at home while the kids were with their dad. So anyway boyfriend starts whinging that he wants me to go and stay at his house on the saturday night. I say no because I want a night to myself so he says he'll go out with his mates and I can stay at his and chill out with a takeaway and sky movies and he'll see me around midnight. Ok whatever - so I agree but now he's started with the "sex appointment" shit "can't wait until I get you on that bed on saturday night" "we'll have fun on saturday night wink wink" "ive bought you some wine - but don't fall asleep before I get back!"

This was supposed to be a "me me me" chill out weekend after 2 hard long weeks of work.

AIBU to get really turned off and irritated at him making this some kind of sex appointment?

I keep wanting to say "btw sex is not guaranteed this weekend you know" but the I sound like a mardy cow.

It doesn't sound like you think much of this guy or have much desire to see him, not sure why you are with him.
I think maybe you should stick to your guns and have the weekend to yourself and then maybe you will be more keen to see him next weekend.
For what its worth I would find the presumption irritating as well.

He's being pushy. If you don't want sex just tell him. He ain't going to like it, looking at your op. Just tell him you'll see him next weekend, 'cos you're too knackered.

yuk

he wants to install you at his place for a shag when he gets back ?

fuck that

stay home and indulge yourself with wine, a film, and chocolate

Doesn't sound so bad to me - he's just keen. How long have you been together and how often do you have sex? If you don't live together and and sex is infrequent then I can see why he wants to tie you down (so to speak!)

So why allow yourself to be manipulated?

Because trust me, to any decent bloke the biggest turn off ever is to think a woman is having sex with you by duress.

Not sure why telling your girlfriend that you are looking forward to having sex amounts to "duress"?

no, she sounds like someone who objects to be being some bloke's unwilling hole

good for her

I didn't say that aspect of it was duress.

But expecting a woman to come round your's and wait till you get back from a lads night out has a term.

It's called booty call. Except in this case it's not mutually wanted.

What aspect of the OP amounted to duress? Where does she say that she told her boyfriend that she wasn't up for it?

the op said "no, she wants a weekend for herself"

is that not clear enough ?

I suggest you apply a professional view to the OP...

Yup booty call no question... and there might be times when you'd be up for it but if you're not, just plead headache or summat.

whatever you are offering, freethepaedos

what are you offering ?

Politely Tell him to jog on/do one/fuck off

you don't have to tell lies that you have a headache

why do that ?

you say you are having a weekend to yourself, and he likes it or lumps it

if he chooses to lump it, so be it

AnyFucker, a hug

AF she absolutely hasnt told him - see her last para. She should tell him. But don't criticise him for wanting to have sex. Some couples do enjoy it and might even talk about it in advance.

did you join MN, or name change, just to offer hugs on this thread freethepaedos ?

I say no because I want a night to myself so he says he'll go out with his mates and I can stay at his and chill out with a takeaway and sky movies and he'll see me around midnight. Ok whatever - so I agree but now he's started with the "sex appointment" shit "can't wait until I get you on that bed on saturday night" "we'll have fun on saturday night wink wink" "ive bought you some wine - but don't fall asleep before I get back!"

that sounds like she said no, to me

The pretext / build up to sex can be brilliant.

I think it's quite clear that isn't the case here.

If sex with him/spending time with him doesn't come under the category of 'fun things to do when I have free time' then I'd dump him. Why else would you be with him? Its not like (by the sound of it) you have an commitments together.

precisely, sparks

it can be brilliant

OP isn't feeling it, so she shouldn't do something she doesn't wanna do