Mumsnet Talk

That's it really!
Am I alone and not normal? Woman I know make love at least four times a week with there DP or DH, I on the other hand can go for a few months and still not bother? I'm 28 is this normal??

It is for me, not at all bothered by it, would rather have a cup of tea

If you are happy and your lover (if you have one) is happy, who cares?

I went about three years of my twenties without any intimacy and never missed it. And now I've been with my bloke for over three years and ALWAYS want him. Serenely happy throughout (but now, a bit gigglier perhaps ).

are happy, even. Didn't realise you couldn't edit out bad grammar on here.

I found the longer you go without the less you want/need it. So far ive gone about 14 months and im not even slightly bothered anymore. I am single so i dont really have much option but even so i dont really miss it.

Whatever's normal for you and your DP is fine, I'd think.

I can't be doing with less than twice a week, personally.

I think the only time it's a worry is if you've had a stronger sex drive in the past and it's suddenly gone downhill.

Absolutely agree that the less you do it, the less you want it.

And children play havoc on your libido. Hard to feel sexy and up for it when you are constantly sleep deprived. And no better if you have a household of teenagers. Nothing more off-putting than knowing your teen might be able to hear your amorous goings on...

What I'm trying to say is that I think most women go through phases where they could live more than adequately without sex. Life gets in the way.

It's only now that our girls are all older and the teens spend a lot of time away, that we feel able to enjoy a good sex life. Probably better than it has ever been in 20 years thinking about it.

The more I have sex, the closer I eel to my OH. 2-3 times a week is good for me. Doesn't always have to be intercourse tho IYSWIM.

I am the same age as you and I too am not bothered by sex. Infact I never have been. I feel like I'm a weirdo because everyone I know just goes on about how they love sex.

I think if you're not bothered about it then your man can't be all that good at it, or isn't in tune with you, or only concerned for themselves, or all three. I have a ridiculously high sex drive but even I'm not bothered about bad, unfulfilling sex. I'd rather have a cuppa than crappy sex.

Good, mutually pleasurable sex with plenty of foreplay and a meeting of minds over what is liked, and in general - is such a total joy (and the odd quickie isn't bad either)

Since i was 16 i've never gone longer than 2 weeks without sex. But i have friends who aren't fussed. Up to each individual i suppose. If you are happy with it then i wouldn't worry.

I don't feel 'connected' to DP if we haven't had sex for more than 4 days - If we haven't had any sexual contact everything he does bugs me, and if we have i find everything he does charming!

Sex is my relationship glue!

I think a lot of people here are unaware how sometimes menopause has a huge effect on ones libido : It can go from 90 to minus 3, IFYKWIM !
It has nose dived for me and it's also physical symtoms too, as virginal atrophy can be really problematic .
Since only 1 in 3 women apparently, have experience of ' a bad menopause ' no need to panic

sorry OP i just realised you are only 28- long way off or are you on anti depressants as these do effect ones attitude to sex - 'you can take it or leave it' quite happily, in my experience .

Some people are a lot more interested in sex than others. It's not necessarilly a bad thing to have a low libido, it is only a problem when you are in an officially monogamous relationship with someone whose libido is higher than yours.

I couldnt care less if i never had sex again. But when i do have it i really enjoy it

Wits: I feel the same and feel terrible for my hubby as he's very sexual and it's a struggle for him sometimes,, I to have never really been that bothered even when I was a late teenager, I've never came on to my hubby more than a few times, and I feel I am sometimes am missing out having no sex drive..

Dust: I am on anxiety antidepressants maybe this is making things worse? I think I may speak to my doctor,when we do make love it is 9/10 I am satisfied but it takes me sooooo long to get into it but when I do it's great?

Im the same OP. Im not bothered about it either way. Me and DH do have a sex life, but only once a fortnight or so, though we have been quite quick at restarting our sex life after babies. This time (DC3) she was about 4 weeks old the first time (as soon as I was covered by the implant). Id be quite happy to cut down on even that. I believe that sex is only part of a relationship and not the be all and end all. Now my early morning snuggles Id miss, but not the sex.

Ps thanks for everyone's comments,, I see know that I'm not weird just because I'm not the same as my hubby,, everyone is different.. I do feel like I am being deprived of something that should be so natural

Notvery: I agree I feel I get more love and affection from hugs it makes me feel more safe and loved than sex does, I'm in no way saying our time together is bad or I don't enjoy it as my hubby is very giving and try's to make it last as long as possible.

LLL- yes it is worth talking to your doctor he may suggest you try a different type
But for me - I've been on and off anti-depressants ( floxetine or prozac) for years during which i was celibate for quite long periods and I wasn't bothered about not having sex - i was single at the time, BTW .
I do agree with brass it does become a problem if your partner's sex drive is different and my husband is completely the reverse so i'm desperately trying to improve mine !
But like you - when i do eventually do it i do enjoy it !!

I know when I was on the pill for 5 years I had zero sex drive, didn't think about it or feel desire. I came off it and after literally 2 weeks I felt like a different person! Just a thought

I'm with Spuddy sex is my relationship glue. My DH said to me yesterday that he could tell we hadn't had sex for 3 days (apart from obviously he would of been there ) because I'm apparently nicer when there's less than 48 hours between romps thing is he's right, I am much more relaxed and happier....... But in saying all of that, you go with what makes you happy OP, there are no right or wrongs, all that matters is what's right for you and your DP/DH.

Thankyou so much for starting this thread .
I thought I was the only one.
I really have to 'psyche' myself up for it.
Am just generally too tired and stressed.

I have always been made to feel by all my partners that there is something wrong with me. Especially by my DH. I have NEVER had an active sex drive, even when young. Everyone else seems to be doing it but me. Its the main argument between us, I just can't explain that I just don't feel the same way he does. I have told him several times that I fully understand sex is incredibly important to him, but what can I do if I just don't feel like it? During bad arguments I have told him to leave to find someone else because I am so tired of being "hassled" for sex.

I had a good, happy childhood, I haven't had many sexual partners (only 5, 2 marriages) so can't put it down to crappy sex, I have had very caring loving partners who will take their time and aren't selfish, I have tried massage, erotic books, sexy lingerie (which just makes me feel stupid).

I fully understand Nanny, I literally have to psyche myself up. I do try once a week for my DH sake, but its really hard work, I even find myself wishing he would hurry up so I can get to sleep. Times between partners I never worried or felt the need for sex, and would happily go without.

I am happy, its everyone around me makes me feel like a freak. For those that really enjoy sex, can you image if you were made to feel odd just because you like it a lot?

Thankgod, have a look here, you might find it helpful. It's not wrong to have no interest in sex any more than it's wrong to be gay. We are what we are. Of course, in a culture obsessed with heteromonogamy, people who are not happy engaging in it are going to be labelled as bad or inferior and pressured to change their ways. Obviously the easiest solution to mismatched libidos (as long as the mismatch is not caused by one partner's mistreatment of the other or bad attitude) is for the higher-libido partner to seek sex outside the primary relationship but ooh no, waa, that goes against Sacred Monogamy so the low libido partner has to be 'cured' and obliged to engage in more sex than s/he would like, or the high-libido partner has to suffer longterm frustration and rejection and suck it up.