Sex without true consent

[oldenough2knowbetter]

A couple of recent threads have indicated that many women have experienced sex without their consent at some point in their lives, often with partners/ ex partners. I am curious as to how ubiquitous this is, which might indicate how seriously to take it if it happens.

Please would MNers post below with a simple "yes" or "no" to the question:

"Have you ever had sex without your consent?".

This could be because you were very drunk, because you were asleep (!), because you just didn't feel like it. You should only answer "yes" if it should have been clear to the man that you were NOT consenting at that moment, in that place.

You can add explanatory details if you want, but just a yes or no would be great too.

what are you going to do with the data?

Yes (in a previous violent relationship. It was another way to make himself feel like a man).

don't get why you are asking this..

what do you mean " might indicate how seriously to take it if it happens"
that doesn't make sense...it is always serious to have sex without consent.

are you male or female ?

I once knew someone who had it without scent on, does that count?

not another journo?

I see no merit to this thread.

Sorry, I should have explained more. This is something that has happened to me in 2 previous relationships (years ago) and when I mentioned it to my current OH he was horrified but I seem to get the impression from MNers revelations that it is not that unusual - hence my courage to mention it to current OH. I suppose I am trying to find out whether I have been unlucky/ have a victim mentality somehow or whether this is just a danger of relationships with men that one has to kind of shrug off...just recently there have been a couple of threads about this and the general reaction has been "leave the b.....d" yet others have said "me too". I am seeking to calibrate my own normality meter.

Maybe there is no merit to this..... perhaps it is only in violent relationships?

Perhaps I have an answer here in a link posted by someone on the marital rape thread:

www.thisisnotaninvitationtorapeme.co.uk/relationships/#facts_tab

It seems to say that 10-14% of women within marriages are raped by their partner. So it's not utterly uncommon but not standard either. I wonder if that makes it a reason to leave or not if it is one off?

"I am curious as to how ubiquitous this is, which might indicate how seriously to take it if it happens."

I guess if it happens you take it seriously - doesn't matter how OFTEN it happens to others.

Though the thread today got me thinking about what constitutes "give and take" in a normal relationship and what constitutes "rape" in the same relationship. The thread earlier today wasn't clear to me either way.

As an example, your dh really likes BJs and sex early in the morning. You don't giving BJ's that much, but like the reciprocation, and prefer sex at night. There surely is a bit of balance in that - ie sometimes you just put up with it, though not in the mood and vice versa. To me that is just "relationship" stuff. I am not sure if I should think that is BAD?

I don't get you

Why are you fishing for people to post their experiences in this blatant way ?

I ain't gonna answer you

I have answered this question, many times, on other threads, where I felt comfortable

this thread doesn't feel comfortable

I am sorry if you are feeling bad, however, no-one deserves to feel like that and I hope you are OK

Yes, ISWYM, it doesn't actually matter how often it happens to others, but how I see it. I hadn't thought of it that way before.

nope, never happened to me.

though i have had sex so blind drunk i basically can't remember but only with a partner who was also blind drunk and i take full responsibility for those situations.

no never happen to me

AF I wasn't fishing for experiences. That's why I only asked for yes or no. Perhaps even that is too personal. Sigh, I am not very good at this.

It just looked like a survey to me,. You asked it as if you might have been asking "Do you like fish and chips? Yes or No?"

I agree with AF, not a comfortable thread to tell something like that.

sorry, love, honestly

I can see you reaching out for something, but I don't know what

if you were on other threads earlier today, I haven't read them, so perhaps my own context is a bit "off" IYSWIM

< had a bad day at work >

MOSP, benefit of the doubt required, maybe

but still, I am saying nuffin

I dont understand the point of this thread either , and judging by the statement below you seem to have little understanding of it too.

It seems to say that 10-14% of women within marriages are raped by their partner. So it's not utterly uncommon but not standard either. I wonder if that makes it a reason to leave or not if it is one off?

You wonder whether being raped or assaulted by a partner is reason to leave if its a one off ?

um, yes, I guess that is what I am asking. It sounds daft when you put it like that but actually in one of my relationships that happened (I felt a bit responsible as I had been flirting a lot...yes, I KNOW that does not excuse it) and we went on to have a great relationship but my current OH thinks that is weird.

Yes.

mittz.

I think you need to go and see a therapist and discuss self-esteem, assertiveness and boundaries within relationships.

The fact that people are doing things to you without your consent, and that you have to ask a whole bunch of virtual strangers whether this is common or not, implies you have issues.

I should put yes. That's how I lost my virginty. Against my will. Without consent.

What will that prove? How will that help anyone?

Oh, and my bastard XP would have sex with me whenever he wanted. I could scream until I passed out and he'd still do it.....