I saw a teachers asst pull/tug my DS 6 hair. What now?

[Sixer]

Through a gap in the covered windows, whilst the children were lining up to leave. I witnessed my DS6 do something to the hair of a little girl in front of him. She was smiling. I thought he was combing her hair. It was obviously a gentle action. I then saw an assistant snatch away what was in DS hand, point her finger in his face, then pull/tug a pinch of his hair!. I was gob smacked. Now DS is no angel and has been in big trouble at school before. I spoke with him, he said he was putting a sticker in the girl's hair. The assistant pointed her finger in his face (approx 10 cms from his face)and told him not to do that again, then the tug/pull of hair was because 'you could hurt her hair whilst taking the sticker out'.
Please, I feel this wasn't right. What exactly are teachers and their assistants allowed to do to a child. I know one of the assistants smack/tap him on the arm when he isn't listening. Although this just doesn't sit right with me. What do you think, and how would you approach this, if you did.

[DANCESwithHughJackman]

Tapping (gently) on the arm is fine IMO. Pulling hair is not. Usually I would not advocate going straight to the head but since she/he will most likely responsible for health and safety in the school I would this time. Tell them what you saw and your concerns. This is not appropriate behaviour. (Oh and I'm a teacher)

[ChipButty]

Speak to the TA first and let her know you are going to speak to the Head. Have you asked your child what happened?

[Heated]

Of course, I regularly birch the children in my care!!

FGS, No of course it is not allowed and is a discliplinary/sackable offence.

But why, having seen this, did you not intervene?

This makes me therefore wonder about interpretation of events. You use the word "smack/tap" on the arm which are very different words. It would be acceptable to tap gently on a child's arm to gain their attention but to smack certainly not. Likewise, did the ta actually tug his hair?

Have you asked your son about this?

[sophierosie]

This is terrible - do you have a copy of your ds's school complaints policy?

As a start I'd recommend raising this with the classteacher ASAP. Keep a record of discussion and ask what is going to happen as a result of your concerns.

V worried also about assistant smack/tap on the arm - surely they should be trained to manage behaviour in other ways.

Would not be happy with anyone treating with dd like this.

[Sixer]

Please ChipButty and Heated I really do hope for childrens sake you are NOT in education. please re-read OP. thanks for your.....input

[DANCESwithHughJackman]

I disagree about the tap on the arm being unreasonable. Sometimes children are so engrossed in what they are doing (not necessarily what they should be doing ) that a gentle tap on the arm is a better way to regain their attention than raising your voice.

[DANCESwithHughJackman]

Sixer - I am confused. What have the posters you've mentioned said wrong?!

[karen999]

I know teachers/assistants do not have an easy job to do but if anybody laid a finger on my dd I would complain. I would not allow my dd to lay a finger on anyone else and I would not expect a teacher/assistant to do it. Of course if she is misbehaving then they are of course within their rights to tell her off/talk to her....but no way would I let someone touch my dd in that way.....sorry it's just that I feel quite strongly about this kind of thing. My dd's school are big on respeciting everyone and treating everyone as you would like to be treated yourself so IMO this is unnacceptable.

[margoandjerry]

I'm sure it's not ideal but do you think she was trying to demonstrate why it might hurt to pull a sticker out of your hair without actually hurting him? If so, not good practice but not intended to hurt or upset him.

Agree with Dances about the tap on the arm.

I know I always say things like this but I'm inclined to assume most teachers are not physically abusing children.

[Sixer]

Ummmm Heated, I could not intervene as i was.................see OP, "looking through a gap in the covered windows, whilst the children were lining up to leave". Meaning, i was outside waiting for DS to come out of school. The smack/tap words are from DS6 explaining to me that yes the teachers do touch them. An adult raising their hand, then making contact with your childs skin is what exactly? (as a 6yo?).

[margoandjerry]

Sixer, that could be a tap (fine) or a smack (not fine). So it depends on which you think happened.

[Sixer]

Please read what what in OP. My issues are not with an assistant smacking/tapping/doing whatever is needed to gain attention from a child. The problem here, is I SAW a teacher touch my DS's hair in a way that made him flinch. Is this right or wrong? Is this allowed in schools?

[DANCESwithHughJackman]

Sixer - everyone here is sympathetic and i think all have agreed pulling hair is inappropriate. You are coming across as a bit spiky. We are trying to help.

[lennygirl]

Message withdrawn

[Rhubarb]

Report it asap. TA's are not allowed to use physical restraint or violence at all and hair pulling would be a huge no-no. It's like hitting a child whilst telling them not to hit!

I would be VERY unhappy indeed and report exactly what you saw. Don't be fobbed off. Tapping them to make them listen is also not on. I'm an LSA and we simply cannot do this to a child, we can tap on their desk, but we NEVER touch a child roughly in this way at all.

[lennygirl]

Message withdrawn

[karen999]

Sixer - I suppose most kids may flinch when an adult touches them. What did your ds say? Was he upset/shocked etc?

[margoandjerry]

OK. You didn't say that he flinched. Sorry - you didn't seem sure how to interpret so neither are we.

[Rhubarb]

Don't doubt what you saw. Part of me thinks you are afraid of making a scene here, afraid to confront the school so you are doubting what you saw. Don't do that. Stand up for your child.

[TellusMater]

What is and isn't allowed isn't quite a clearly spelt out as all that. Which is why people are asking for clarification. Deliverately hurting a child is wrong. If that's what the TA did, speak to the teacher.

[Hulababy]

A tap to get attention I would think is probably okay. To me a smack and a tap are very different things. I didn't touch as a rule when teaching, but I was secondary so very different. I'd have no problem with a teacher touching/tapping my DD's shoulder ot whatever to get her attention.

The pull of the hair is not appropriate. I would mention it to the class teacher and see what response I got. If not satisfactory, then go to the head.

[DANCESwithHughJackman]

BLIMEY Rhubarb. Tapping not allowed?! I'm glad I don't work where you work! I rarely tap a child but you know, I put my arm on the back of a child to usher her into the classroom and even worse, the other day I briefly put my arm round the shoulder of a child who was upset

[Rhubarb]

Clarification: a teacher can touch a child in guidance or comfort. But they may not point aggressively at a child or touch them roughly or within a discipline context.

[margoandjerry]

rhubarb, tapping can be fine, surely? Unless the school has a policy of no touching of any description to avoid problems of interpretation (but that would be a shame as some forms of touching must be nice for teachers to have at their disposal).

My boss tapped me on the arm in a meeting this morning - sort of excitedly reminding me of something. It was quite sweet. Obviously it's different with adults but it was a definite tap, not a rap or a smack (obv). A tap can be a very simple, pleasant touch - you could tap a friend on the shoulder if you stood behind her in a queue.

[Hulababy]

If the tap was to gain attention then it could be said to be guiding the child (i.e. guiding and advising them to listen). This is not the same as disciplining. Therefore this issue is definitely not clear.