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She has an ipod touch already and is always on it. She is unkeen at home to do other things like read. If we buy it, we will need to inforce straight wifi free time but if you want to discuss it, she goes all moody. Should she have one so her peers do.

Personally I think not , Im really old fashioned and can't see why a 12 year old would need such a flash phone. Also don't know where you live but the whole safety aspect comes into it. If you do decide to buy it perhaps go down the route 'if your old enough to have the phone your old enough to have the discussion about wi-fi and old enough to follow our rules about its uses'. If you do get her one the ipod touch will probably go out of the window after a few mins lol. Does she have a phone already ? If not perhaps go for something a little less flash and expensive and tell her that if she is responsible with it you might consider a blackberry or something similar in the future ?

I get a bit het up about blackberrys personally have heard of a few children getting bullied through bbm etc. so kind of feel better of out of it .

DS1 is 13 and has a Blackberry on a contract £10.50 a month. A lot of his friends are on BBM so it's great for him to keep in touch. He also uses it to go on Facebook.

He goes to school on the coach and I need him to have a phone, also for when he is out with his mates.

He likes to have it near him at all times but he isn't 'on' it all the time IYKWIM.

Thank you for the advice. She has agreed to usage discussions. I hadnot thought about droppage of the Ipod. I think that she needs to take more responsbility. But then there is also insurance. as older daugther lost/stolen iphone was replaced on house insuranc

Dd2 has an blackberry on payg. All of her friends have them and they use bbm to keep in touch ALL the time, aand facebook. I guess she would feel a bit left out if she didn't have one. It was no dearer than any other smartphone at the time. She uses wifi at home. It hasn't made any difference whatsoever to the amount of time she uses her iPod touch because they have different functionalities. She has definitely got our money's worth out of both! She does know that if she loses or breaks either they will not be replaced so she is careful.

We did the contract so I can track the useage online including the numbers of who he is calling and texting.

Phone is off in bottom of school bag between getting off the coacj and getting back on again.

I'd say 'no'! We got one for ds's 14th birthday and reluctantly realised that he just wasn't mature enough to be able to handle it

We had issues with sexting and one girl bombarding him with very explicit images of herself (it's not always predatory boys, you know)

She doesn't 'need' it ...

Should she have one so her peers do.
Sorry that rang alarm bells for me, so what if her peers have them?

Does it matter to you because of cheap messaging using BBMs? But you can get very cheap texts using Giffgaff using a far cheaper phone.

Do you want her to have Internet access on it? What else could she do on it that would be so valuable to her or you, that she couldn't do on a cheap phone?

And if she gets this now, what do you get her in future that will seem like a great gift?

How will you enforce the Wifi-access times? Take it away or password encode access to the router?

Oh blimey basildon. I do check his phone while he is asleep. Nothing untoward so far except him asking a girl out and her saying no.

A blackberry is the only mobile phone you can't put Internet controls/parental controls on - this means your daughter could access over 18 content on the Internet.

I'm thinking about getting something like that for my DD but am still undecided.

My youngest dds 13 and 15 both have them, we pay £10 a month for calls/text and another £5 a month on top for the dreaded bbm.
We have had no trouble with them, apart from the fact that they are permanently bbming !

The BBM bonging heron.

Oh dear

LFCisTarkaDahl I had no idea you couldn't put parental controls on a Blackberry - that's really worrying. My DD has a cheap Orange BB style phone, not an actual Blackberry, with Wifi at home only, and I check what she's been viewing (mostly music videos). I'm going to see whether I can get parental controls on it, and on DS's iPod

I'd be very careful. We confiscated our 13 year old's phone over some issue and found she was being texted explicitly up to 70 times a night by an older school boy. Much safer without.

Hi i started a thread in chat about a similar thing and some interesting and helpful points were made, which you may also find useful - ive overlapped you a bit! You can find it if you type bbm in search i would think. Good luck!

The being left out thing worries me as well re my dc yr 7, as i learn that lots of the year have them and do bbm as group chats - whereas dc doesnt even really text at all. But on the other hand i can see the cons as well.

I understand the safety aspect of dcs carrying phones, though I dont think it justifies them owning one, however the Smartphones are just creating more problems than they solve.

Id possibly allow one at 13+ but insist (1) I or dh can check it whenever we ask, no grumping, and (2) it is not to be used at the dinner table or taken to bed.

Goldplated what problems have you come across - i am still thinking about it so would be v interested to know. Not taking them to bed sounds very reasonable indeed! Though i gather some people do....

DD (12) has a blackberry, mainly for BBM. It lives downstairs at night and she knows we check it regularly. She's on a 10.50 rolling contract and anything over that comes out of her pocket money.

Problems with smartphones for tweens:-
*internet access so private (much rather its on a communal pc in a public room in the house)
*one upmanship of smartphone/branding versus a basic payg model (the thought that kids bully other kids over which phone they have - if smartphones werent seen as acceptable from a VERY young age then this would drastically reduce)
*the idea that kids feel safer if they have a phone on them - which I think adds a false sense of security. "I can go here and do this because I have my phone" when infact a kid being abducted, or worse, is not even going to be able to use their phone
*the conflict in class. you send your dc to school with their phone off in the bottom of their bag - does it actually stay there?
*the lack of escapism. If your dc is being bullied, BBM, facebook and twitter mean that bullying can continue in their own home - the place that should be their sanctuary.
*the expense. Smartphones are expensive, and more than likely the most expensive item your dc will regularly have with them (theft/damage risks)

Yes, lack of sanctuary at home is a very good point goldplated. As is the internet access!
On the other hand the being excluded fom 'group chat' in the evening may have knock on effects next day at school because you werent part of what was being discussed the night before? - like in the old days if you hadnt watched top of the pops! Dc seems unaware of this but from what i gather there is a lot of the group chat, forwarding status updates etc, and i wonder if it may affect being part of the group at school. Im slightly going over the ground on my thread - because its still worrying me!
Mind you, status updates - is that another way of feeling left out because youre not with x and y at the shopping centre? Aagh...i genuinely think it was much easier when we were that age and just hogged the landline!

Sometimes I think I'm the only parent who trusts her DDs and only vaguely glances at their lap top or ipod screens and doesn't check their phones.

I'm afraid if my two want to get up to mischief they are far too bright not to press delete on their phones and they know DH can spy on the broadband if he chooses to.

Just a thought on the cost side - Tesco are as far as I know the only company to have a capped tariff, if getting carried away with costs/running a huge bill concerns you. You can get an OK ish smartphone for £7.50/month with loads of texts/reasonable data - and if they reach the cap on any one feature (eg use too much data) it is stopped until the next billing period unless you choose to top up like PAYG. Phones are not top end - so less "desirable". Thnking of getting one for DD2's birthday