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8 weeks pregnant, DH is happy, i dont want it

(67 Posts)
havingtonamechange21 Mon 20-May-13 19:32:42

When the doctor asked me if it was planned i said no, but it was a happy accident, i dont know what to do, i was taking the pill, but badly, forgetfully, its my own fault
I just keep wishing it would go away
I cant abort, would break my DHs heart
I dont want to be a mum
I dont know where to post this, sorry if its in the wrong place, if it is please report, i just need to get it out somewhere

noblegiraffe Mon 20-May-13 19:34:14

Have you got any other children?

Blissx Mon 20-May-13 19:36:50

Oh sweetie, how overwhelming for you! Book a private appointment with your GP or contact Family Planning Association. Big hugs thanks

havingtonamechange21 Mon 20-May-13 19:37:21

No this is my first, sorry, really should give details if i need help huh :/

SirBoobAlot Mon 20-May-13 19:37:51

No advice, but hand holding for you. x

ExasperatedSigh Mon 20-May-13 19:38:10

If you don't want to be a mum, don't have a child. Better all round to break your DH's heart than force yourself through such a life-changing event and bring an unwanted child into the world.

Doogle2 Mon 20-May-13 19:38:11

Didn't want to read and run. I think you need to talk this through with some in real life you can trust.
Is there a specific reason you don't want a baby? If so you really need to talk it through with your husband.

I hope that you get some support and whatever happens I hope you that you find your right pathway.thanks

girliefriend Mon 20-May-13 19:39:05

What are your reasons for not wanting a baby?

Have you talked to your dh about your concerns?

Bunnylion Mon 20-May-13 19:39:16

I'm so sorry, this must be heartbreaking for you.

It is ultimately your decision on whether to abort, not your DHs. Have you told him how you feel about this?

If it's not what you want you mustn't be pressured into going on with the pregnancy. Please call the Marie Stopes helpline to get some more advice, and also just a judgement free and anonymous ear to hear you. 0845 300 8090

x

Blissx Mon 20-May-13 19:41:05

I agree; talk about this, don't keep it bottled up. Start with professionals first if it's going to be hard to start with DH. A problem shared is a problem halved. Xxx

havingtonamechange21 Mon 20-May-13 19:44:21

I dont know why i dont want it, just scared senseless, i feel like an idiot, i always kind of assumed that if i did end up pregnant by accident it would be fine, im married, happily, with a stepdaughter that i adore. Always known i would have a child one day, but since the first moment i saw the extra line i have been freaking out, i am not ready to have someone depend on me forever.

But then, if i say that, what will happen to my marriage?
I know that this is my own fault i should have protected myself better, but i seriously i always thought it would just be fine, that as soon as i was pregnant it would just be a good feeling.

Its all my fault, and i know my husband would hate me...

Thank you everyone.

TinkyPeet Mon 20-May-13 19:49:00

I think you would benefit from speaking to a counsellor, go back to your gp and tell them you lied and are not happy about it and want to be referred. I can't offer any advice but wish you all the best in whatever you decide to do xxxx

Blissx Mon 20-May-13 19:49:18

I hear you, OP. this sounds exactly how I felt. Never had the burning desire to be a mum and it wasn't planned. I found it easier to talk and talk through my feelings until my head and heart matched up. Don't forget, you also have lots of hormones going crazy right now and amplifying your fears.

BabyHMummy Mon 20-May-13 19:49:34

It could just be shock hun. I have felt like this all the way through. It's only really been the last couple of weeks that its felt real and less terrifying.

Talk to someone in rl hun. But fear, uncertainty and disbelief are all natural. I have felt awful about not being elated at being pg, but all medical ppl have been brill.

Give yourself some time xxx

havingtonamechange21 Mon 20-May-13 19:51:28

Thank you, i will call doctors tomorrow

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

havingtonamechange21 Mon 20-May-13 19:55:25

Sorry x-posts with bliss and babyH, maybe it is just shock, i hope it is just shock, i want to want the baby smile

Not sure, but talking to a doctor tomorrow seems like the best option hopefully he will understand, thanks so much for all the replies so quickly

havingtonamechange21 Mon 20-May-13 19:58:27

I have no idea, atm the thought of actually having a baby is making me a complete mess, but i still want to want it, i just dont, i have never had depression or anything, but the whole feeling like you are in a tunnel and just cant see the light, feeling like you are suffocating,thing that people who have dealt with it talk about, rings very true for me right now

Chislemum Mon 20-May-13 20:01:08

Hi OP - please speak to someone you can trust but also, the pregnancy hormones are super strong and scary things. Please be aware that they do a lot of funny stuff to us women. Baby will not only depend on you btw. but it is life changing. Sending you a BIG HUG. If you can , speak to DH too.

WillSantaComeAgain Mon 20-May-13 20:03:06

I felt like that too... And it was a planned pregnancy! I was absolutely utterly terrified and remained so throughout my pregnancy. But you know what? The moment DC1 was born, the fear melted in an instant. You are married, so you would not be alone and I'm sure you would make a wonderful mother (again), as you have already said you adore you DSD.i don't think your own would be any scarier. Life is scary a lot of the time, but it works itself out in the end, and the things that used to scare us end up making us stronger. Xx

thekingfisher Mon 20-May-13 20:06:40

Hi OP - I sufferred from pre-natal depression was exactly in your situation but the PG hormones just went mental in me and honestly I was just completely messed thinking 'what had I done'....

There is support and help, tell your GP how you are feeling. They can arrange for you to talk to someone. Tell your DH at least partly what you are feeling...ie scared, worried etc etc.

most of all shre how you are feeling.

My ds is 10 now and I wouldnt wish him away for the world - however I havent had any more.

Have you had morning sickness of any description - i had really awful nausea and this also really really got me down ( from 5 weeks too) as I am crap at being ill.

thinking of you
x

Maryz Mon 20-May-13 20:18:26

It sounds like a really bad panic attack to me.

The important thing to remember is that you don't have to make any decisions now. You have a few weeks to get your head straight and make a decision. So for now, just be nice to yourself. Find someone non-judgemental to talk to, and try very hard to relax.

The thing to think about is - did you never want to have a baby? Because never wanting one is different from panicking because you are having one now.

havingtonamechange21 Mon 20-May-13 20:45:08

Thank you all, this is making me feel A LOT better about the freakout mode i am in, atleast it might just be normal smile

Yes yes to morning sickness, feeling like a walking zombie, constant burping, constantly feeling shattered no matter how much sleep i have had

I always sort of wanted one later.. I just thought that even accidently, it would be ok, because i always knew that one day i would be a mum.. Know that time is coming and i just feel like a great big fog has come, i just hate the thought of it, hate the thought of losing my independence, my future?

Until this thread though, i hadnt spoken to anyone about it, and you all are making it easier to try and think straight, doctors tomorrow to see about maybe counselling smile thank you all

Maryz Mon 20-May-13 20:48:12

BEst of luck smile

You aren't the first person, and you certainly won't be the last whose first thought on seeing the second line was "OH HOLY FUCK, WHAT HAVE I DONE".

Really, there are a fair few of us.

BabyHMummy Mon 20-May-13 21:13:00

The fact you came here looking for advice is a really positive step.

My pg is also an accident...I was told for 17 years that I couldn't have kids so colour me surprised, shocked, in denial, numb, flat and a whole heap of anything but excited emotions. Made a whole lot more uneasy by the fact that my dp was pinging off the ceilings after a week and has the biggest grin ever, as does my entire friend and family base.

I expected that I would feel elated, excited, overwhelmed, happy etc. But to be perfectly honest I still feel fairly flat about it all. I have begun to connect slowly with my baby but it has taken time.

I assure you everything you are feeling is normal and exacerbated by morning sickness. I haven't attempted counselling for my feelings yet but am finding that talking to friends is helping. Esp as ts surprising how honest people are about it.

I guess my strongest advice is be very open with people esp sh about how you feel. Don't push yourself and don't try and force the feelings. They will come in time, I promise!

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