Would you like to be a member of our research panel? Join here - there's (nearly) always a great incentive offered for your views.
Shut up about your ruined vagina already!!(63 Posts)
Just that really, I can switch off to the horror stories of labour but its really freaking me out how many women are saying they are ruined down there-I expect change don't get me wrong but I'm being told you end up disfigured and never have sex and can't walk/perch again!!! Anyone had a baby and managed to be normal(ish) down there?
I just asked DH as its my second marriage and will be his first child and my fourth and he reckons I don't really look any different to anything he has viewed before, so I am pretty sure mine is fine ;)
I had a very deep internal second degree tear, that went down to my anal wall I think (too high on gas and air to pay attention, but do remember the surgeon saying "how did something so small cause so much damage"! ) I also had a slight tear near my urethra.
My tiny 6lb15oz DD did some damage on her way out as her arm was up by her head!
Nearly 4 weeks after the birth I'm feeling pretty ok. Still a bit tender and I had a look the other day, but can't see anything untoward on the outside.
No idea when I will be ready to try sex again, but I can pee fine and poo almost normally. (Need to do more pelvic exercises, think I damaged my pushing muscles getting her out as it feels a bit strange when I push)
I second the need for an inflatable cushion. I wish I'd had one, but that would have been more for the massive piles I was graced with, which I think, hurt more than my stitches!
Just noticed this is an old thread, ah well, never mind.
Episiotomy with first DC, healed perfectly. Slight graze from second, no stitches required. It's not a foregone conclusion that you'll end up with raggedy bits. Don't listen to the doom and gloom pedlars.
Had 2 no tearing no stitches etc both boys had 97th percentile heads and I'm only 5.3 - my ds2 birth was really fast 4 hours from start to finish labour started at 1am he was delivered by 4.30am all finished by 5am was discharged and home by 12noon!! The next day honestly the only thing that really hurt was my jaw from the gas and air!! I'd recommend using a jug of warm water for your first couple of wee's tho can be a bit stingy!!
All works fine after I'm pg with no3 !!
I had a 9lber too. Second degree tear, no stitches though, and a mild rectal prolapse which doesn't really bother me. I've been told it was probably there before I got pregnant and became more noticeable after my tear. Tear wasn't very painful and healed well. The first couple of attempts at sex post-birth were bizarre but it got better quickly and probably slightly improved on before. Apart from an unfortunate 'looseness' while throwing up in this pregnancy, no weeing issues at all.
I last gave birth over 30 years ago (!) and had stitches both times and everything works just fine (still!).
I would only give two tips
1. make sure you dry yourself well every time you wash - we used to use a hairdryer, but I'm not sure whether that is still recommended, I are sure that a MN will say if it isn't.
2. do your PN exercises regularly, they really help.
It's sad to hear the same old horror stories are still doing the rounds. Just remember everyone is different, good luck and enjoy being a mum.
Mine gapes open! I feel sick when I examine myself with a hand held mirror. So I don't do that anymore obviously. I had a 3rd degree tear, forceps and episiotomy. I find it difficult to do my pelvic floor exercises because of the nerve damage the forceps caused. I have a little probe thing that I insert to do them for me. I can still sneeze, exercise, etc without peeing myself though. It just feels a little uncomfortable sometimes. I go from feeling fine about it, to feeling depressed. I doubt I'll ever have another child because I don't want to end up incontinent, just can't face doing further damage to my pelvic floor.
On the plus side sex is better than ever!! So it's swings and roundabouts I suppose.
I must confess- I developed a fanjo tonsil when I was pg with my first and it's never gone away. Odd thing, just inside but hangs when I'm on th toilet. I do wonder if its a hymen remnant. Not really what the thread was about but there you are.
All in all I had a fab labour and a 9lber, minor tear so no stitches and all was well for me. Though I did piss myself on a trampoline a whole year after having him and there being no other 'incidents'...
Well I've had to give up the porn centre-folds but it's otherwise fine
Seriously, I had labial tearing first time round and some stitching. It's not the same but it is not worse. I could have a piercing there without the piercing because there's still a small hole in one of my labia. No problems with trampolining, running, sex or anything else. Everything felt totally normal after 5 months.
Second time round I wished I'd done my pelvic floors after the first. Nothing major, just felt a bit dangerous to run or sneeze in last trimester. No tearing but probably because the whole thing was reshaped after dc1. I did have a bit of a prolapse just after birth but it seemed to go back up. If I cough violently I can feel my cervix pulling down but tbh I think that's due to pregnancy not birth and it'll go back up to normal again <squeeeeeezes> No stress incontinence and I haven't wanted to do sex yet but it's been 5 months so if the opportunity arose <ahem> I might be persuaded.
Two natural births, no tears, no stitches and not really any different although I have to remember to do my pelvic floor exercises.
I had a tear during last pregnancy and needed stitches, and afterwards i decided I didn't want to look as I was worried that it might freak me out.
So, I don't know what my 'undercarriage' looks like as I haven't seen it in 3 years - but what I would say is that it still functions exactly the same as it did before so even if its not that cosmetically attractive (and to be honest, i'm not sure I'd describe a 'normal' vagina as that pretty really) I still have a good sex life (although not in this pregnancy as I have no sex drive at all!) and whilst I was really worried about the 'wizards sleeve' issue and concerned I wouldn't 'feel' my DH in there at all, it feels just the same to me (and he's not bothered either!).
There will always be some women who suffer more in these things, but I think thats the exception rather than the rule, I'd work on the basis that everything will be fine, and if its not, well, you can deal with that when it happens.
Haha! Love this thread. Women do seem to love a horror story! My 'area' is very tidy thank you.
I'm reluctant to believe that there are legions of mothers out there with their vaginas hanging in tatters.
Ignore them. And do pelvic floor exercises!
My best friend is mildly incontinent since having her DD via c-section; my bits are all in full working order after a vb despite having an episiotomy - it really is the luck of the draw I think! Oh, and I agree sex is definitely better now - I read that it's because the nerve endings are closer to the surface after everything has been stretched out!
I'm probably going to get flamed here but to be honest...
You chose to get pregnant and you seem like a relatively intelligent person....pregnancy, labour and birth is risky - all sorts of things could happen and a lot of the time it can't be completely controlled. Yes, you're going to hear horror stories because, well, horrible things can and do happen...and you're going to hear wonderful stories because they happen too.
My story - 22 hours labour, got stuck at 3 cms for over 12 hours decided on epidural even though that was not my plan because I just couldn't handle the pain. 3 - 10 cms in less than 15 minutes after that and DS was born less than an hour after that...and I didn't even have a graze - and he almost shot out - and I could feel everything but the pain so pushing was a complete doddle. My story though is no more or less valid than someone's story who had just about everything go wrong that you can think of and now has to face the possibility of a colostomy bag years later because the reconstructive surgery they've had hasn't worked....
Birth is risky.
Please don't worry. Like you, I worried so much before DC1. Someone in a cafe I overheard just before birth, was explaining to her friend how she had gone from being a "neat rosebud to a loose Georgia O'Keefe orchid", which made me feel sick with worry.
I had a massive episiotomy, lots of stitches and some temporary nerve damage so for about 8 weeks I did think it had all come to pass, but then it was ALL FINE! tra-la-la! DP swears that there is absolutely no difference during sex. If I sneeze on a full bladder, I've found it is prudent to sort of bend forward a bit, but otherwise it's good.
I had 2nd degree tear and a labia tear. I did feel at times that it was all ruined down there especially when I found a labia tear that noone bothered to tell me about it. Now it is all fine down there (2 years on) not the same but not terrible... I found pelvic floor exercise helps. Need to do more nowadays as pregnant with second. I am not sure who goes around talking about their vaginas like that...
I had stitches but its all fine ... I think I probably worried about things like this beforehand but its a small sacrifice I'm sure most would say and you will soon have lots more to worry about!
precisely why i read this book (recommended by a kind mumsnetter)
and seriously considering elcs.
I feel perfectly normal in my nether regions a mere 2 weeks post birth. OK so I have some not quite healed stitches, but they no longer hurt, nothing is flapping about, I don't leak wee and my baby's head size was on the 97th percentile. Ignore the horror stories. Some women seem to go in for them in an almost competitive way.
I had my pfb 11 days ago and had an episiotomy, I have no idea what it looks like or feels like down there as I'm too scared to check, all I know is I can pee & poo so 2 out of 3 holes are fine, the doctor may well have stitched my fanny shut.
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.