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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Feeling shitty about boss's reaction to pregnancy :(

37 replies

ahhhhhpushit · 05/03/2012 19:50

Someone at work guessed last week and I asked her to not tell anyone as got scan tomorrow and I wanted to tell boss first before everyone else knew (obviously - right??)

Anyway I walk into work today and get a few congrats.... groan. I'm obviously all ooo thank you etc but secretly seething.

I quickly email boss to tell him the news (we work in a couple of offices and no idea where he will be one day to the next so couldnt really tell him to his face).

Anyway about an hour later he comes in and I go up to him and ask if he got my email. He says yes. That's is. Yes. In a really odd, grumpy way. Really wierd.

Cue awkward few seconds of silence.

I walk off.

Oh bloody hell.

I feel like crap.

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Original poster

ahhhhhpushit · 05/03/2012 19:50

That's it*

OP posts:

PufftyMagicDragon · 05/03/2012 19:57

he may have just had a bad day? dont read too much into it. he cant exactly sack you for being pregnant

DaydreamDolly · 05/03/2012 20:01

What an arsehole. But sadly not an uncommon reaction I've found.
Take comfort that he's pissed off he's going to lose you for a bit, must mean you're good
And congratulations!!

ChippingInNeedsCoffee · 05/03/2012 20:01

Oh I'm sorry :(

My guess is he was told by someone else and is pissed off about it.

If you normally have a good relationship with him I'd see him tomorrow and explain that you had wanted to have the scan before telling anyone but blabber mouth guessed and told everyone, despite being asked not to.

If he's normally a jackass - I'd just ignore him.

Congratulations :) Babies are more important than grumpy bosses!!

Ilovedaintynuts · 05/03/2012 20:07

My boss said " you must be fucking joking" and after composing herself apologised and later sent me a letter of apology.
She had assumed (as had I!) that my family was finished after DC2 and had 'plans for me'.
I had huge sympathy for her actually. She was under a lot of pressure.
Give your boss a bit of time. It might have been one thing he hadn't considered.

EdithWeston · 05/03/2012 20:16

Maybe he's had a secret crush on you for years, and realises this is the death to all his hoes. Maybe his DW/DP has just begun AF dashing their hopes for another month, or worse has just miscarried. Maybe he's an arse with no social skills.

You'll never know for sure. So ignore.

AKMD · 05/03/2012 20:18

Don't worry about it. His reaction is not your problem and if he's usually nice I bet he's feeling guilty about it now.

I am dreading telling my manager. She has 'plans' for me and in my recent appraisal was emphasising how important this year was going to be as my first full year at the company. Groan...

oikopolis · 05/03/2012 22:11

if it makes you feel any better, my boss said, "oh shit".

don't worry about it.

justhayley · 05/03/2012 22:16

My boss said "so what's going to happen to my business"

babygsmummy · 06/03/2012 10:17

My boss said I wondered why you got so big,look at those boobs.........its just aswell she a woman and we get on well,but the being big theme carried on in my risk assements and upset me alot.I was made redundant 2 weeks ago so dont have to go through the risk assesments anymore.I needed a risk assesment before the risk assesment the way she going,I supprissed myself daily that I could fit through the doors for up to a week after my risk assesments lol.

Flisspaps · 06/03/2012 10:29

My boss said 'Oh bugger'

JambalayaCodfishPie · 06/03/2012 10:49

"Maybe he's had a secret crush on you for years, and realises this is the death to all his hopes. Maybe his DW/DP has just begun AF dashing their hopes for another month, or worse has just miscarried."

This

Maybe its not about you at all? If youre usually quite close/can talk - just ask him!

Mrsrobertduvall · 06/03/2012 13:32

I was a bit non plussed when my boss announced she was pregnant again for the 3rd time in 5 years...I really liked working for her, knew she probably wouldn't come back (she didn't) and didn't relish the uncertainty of the department.

gloucestergirl · 06/03/2012 21:16

I live in a scandinavian company and turned up to my new job 3 months pregnant. I was VERY nervous about telling the boss that I would only be staying 6 months. They were delighted for me and so nice about it. I was gob-smacked as I was expecting the opposite reaction. Over here family is considered to be far more important than work. (It does help that the government pays the maternity benefit and not the company though.)

This shows up the UK attitude to pregnancy and children - it is an inconvenience to employers. Some employers just can't keep this selfish opinion to themselves. So what if they have to get a replacement? It's not the end of the world. My sister believes that maternity leave is a holiday that she personally has to pay for (breastfeeding for the equivalent of a working day is NOT a holiday in my book!).

To the OP, I'm sorry that you have had this reaction. Something needs to change in the UK in the attitude towards pregnancy and maternity leave.

gloucestergirl · 06/03/2012 21:24

To ahhhhhpushit: I forgot to say I hope that everything sorts itself out at work for you. Hopefully your boss will realise that it was an insensitive reaction, or maybe annoyed to hear from someone else. Good luck :)

PopcornMouseInBoots · 07/03/2012 11:07

gloucestergirl the government pays it in the UK too, it just comes via the employer (and is reclaimed from government iyswim).

SpottyTeacakes · 07/03/2012 11:10

Agree he could be having an off day. I would wait and see if he says anything else in the next few weeks and try not to worry about it. Maybe it's not as big a deal to him as you think and he is just really stressed about something else.

When I told my boss he said: 'Fuck me that is some news' (he is a wanker since I've gone back part time though grrrr)

tiddleypompom · 07/03/2012 11:13

Bad luck - bit awkward (very insensitive of him too, but he'll be thinking of himself).

My boss said 'oh well these things happen. I could break my leg tomorrow!'

anniemac · 07/03/2012 11:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Thaleia · 08/03/2012 16:33

My boss said: Oh well, it's actually quite sad, isn't it and then started to talk about him and the changes he'll have to go through and how though it's going to be (for him) and that he's sure, I'll be back after 6 months as I will find it so boring at home.

He later came by again and said: of course I'm also happy for your .... but, don't you agree, it is a bit sad. I think he realised belated that he's first reaction wasn't the proper one. Well, some have to pretend to be human and really put some effort in.

And I have to say, in a way, he's right. But I could have done without the "what am I going to do know an before you leave we need to sort xyz" as a first reaction.

At the end, there are creatures of habit and don't we know it all?

Belinda495 · 15/03/2012 10:32

Baby comes first. Don't worry about his reaction, he clearly hasn't got a clue! I am lucky my bosses on the face of it are being lovely but it is a large organisation. Secretly I know one is seething but there is naff all they can do about it!

Hpbp · 15/03/2012 10:47

Maybe he was just upset to have learnt from some one else before he saw your email... but don't worry, enjoy your pregnancy, the rest of the world can wait...
because pg coworkers do let know well before they are due, it is the boss' job with the HR dept to find the right maternity cover, so don't worry

Loislane78 · 15/03/2012 19:53

As someone who has been on both sides of the fence - team members telling me their news and recently me telling my male boss, I can appreciate it from both perspectives (although would like to think my reactions are positive for the lady concerned).

Try not to take it personally; as others have said it's also a massive complement your absence will be missed, whilst I appreciate you might prefer a different reaction initially. People naturally think of the impact on themselves first without acknowledging your great news and perhaps guys don't know how to react (even when fathers themselves).

Now I'm expecting, i'm just trying to set a good example of how pregnant ladies behave and should be treated at work, as much as I can without trying to be superwoman. It's crazy but reality is even in 2012 businesses often don't know how to handle the most natural news in the world.

He'll come round ;) good luck!

valiumpoptarts · 15/03/2012 20:02

Congratulations on your pregnancy :)
If it helps at all, my boss asked me if it was an accident, then told me she was going to slit her wrists. Followed this up nicely by telling everyone else that she didn't want me in the management team anymore and that I'd lowered the team morale. Oh, and tried to drop my appraisal grade. I was pretty at the time but crikey did I really enjoy my maternity leave!

Original poster

ahhhhhpushit · 15/03/2012 20:06

Guys! All sorted.

I'm so embarrassed He thought I was referring to a different email.....

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