excuses for not drinking

[bessie26]

I just found out I'm pg , but we're off to visit SIL this weekend. She is a BIG wine drinker & I will get interrogated questions about why I'm not drinking anything... has anyone got any good excuses they could share with me?

Medication? Most people know these days that you can drink with antibiotics, but you shouldn't drink with strong painkillers (eg co-codamol) - I used to say I was taking them and if anyone asked why, refer to monthly issues which soon shut them up!

has she had children herself? recently?
if so you are stuffed really! definitely steer clear of the antibiotics line - it's virtually code for "i'm up the duff"
can you get away with dh drinking yours?

congrats btw!

I always wonder why people need 'excuses'. Do people really drink that much that 'no thanks I'll have orange/water/a coke' sounds weird. Why can't you not fancy it or prefer something else? Why do you have to be not able to drink? I'm not criticising, it just always strikes me as weird. My brother often turns down a drink and has oj or something instead. I don't assume he's pregnant.

Don't start going on about medication, they'll know right away.

I understand why the OP needs an excuse. When you're in the habit of having a couple of glasses of wine (we're not talking getting hammered here - just two or three, normal on a night with friends/family but obviously not when pg) it does look odd if you refuse when you're not driving and have no obvious excuse. You don't have to drink "that much" - I love a couple of glasses of wine with friends and unless driving or pregnant would not refuse. People immediately jump to the conclusion if you say no that you're pregnant, and you obviously don't always want to spill the beans.

To the OP - I often used to offer to go and get drinks for everyone and then order myself a tonic and pretend there was gin in it, or if someone offers you a glass of wine carry it round, pretend to sip it and then fob it off on OH!

But why? Like I said, my brother comes over for dinner regularly or just to watch a film, sometimes he has a glass of wine, sometimes not. I have female friends that sometimes have a drink, sometimes not. I don't assume pregnancy, I assume they're adults who sometimes drink and sometimes don't.

Why can't you just say no thanks? What's the worst that can happen?

Do you want some wine?
No thanks, don't fancy it tonight.
Oooh are you pregnant?
No, just don't fancy it.

Even if they still assume you're pregnant, does it matter? Aren't you more likely to notice the rehearsed, false reason for not drinking than a simple 'no thanks'. Do people really never choose a soft drink for a reason that isn't pregnancy?

Monster hangover?

Think it's the only one which would work on my best biggest wine drinking friends.

I don't as a rule when with certain friends/family, no. At home, I don't drink through the week and not always at weekends, but with some friends and my parents, a glass of wine is part of the ritual and not doing it with no reason might look odd. Just the way things are. Hope it doesn't indicate some kind of dependency, but I'm only talking a couple of glasses - it's a treat we enjoy.

If it's going to be really hard just accept a glass and 'lose it'. Tip it in plant pots, bits down the sink and down the toilet. Then after everyone else has had a few they won't even notice you are not drinking. Then you can confess all at a later date!

I thought tipping drinks into plant pots only happened in sitcoms... until I found out I was pg just before the work xmas cocktail party - think I killed a fair few plants that night!

I told a few white lies here and there to friends/family! Like that I was taking antihistamines, or that I'd had a migraine that week etc etc - I'd mention it a couple of days beforehand, then by the dinner they weren't surprised that I'd steer clear of the booze and didn't question! (They all found it funny when I announced I was pg and they realised the lengths I'd gone to to avoid booze, stilton, paté etc over xmas!)

Given the time of the year, could you say you're taking hayfever tablets?! You shouldn't drink with Piriton for example...

And congratulations :o

A new set of dark blue wine glasses as a pressie for your SIL! Disguises any colour drink i.e water when you've tipped the wine down the bog/in the plant pot etc.

These threads always attract a few sanctimonious people asking "why would you need an excuse?" OK, so you have friends who sometimes don't drink. That's normal for them. If the OP always has a glass of wine then it doesn't mean she is a raging alcoholic or somehow odd, that is normal for her (and for a lot of other people). Any deviation from normal behaviour does cause questions, which is why she is asking for advice.

OP, I drank elderflower cordial at a party early on. It looks exactly like white wine in a wine glass. You have to be careful not to drink it too fast though! I think if you are staying with SIL for a whole weekend though you might just have to tell her. Could you say you are not sure yet and swear her to secrecy? Nothing more annoying than people being smug that they have guessed when you don't want to tell them. I wish I had realised that before I was pregnant myself!

be the driver?

say you've got a hangover, and retch a little at the sight of the wine bottle

don't tell! i told my SIL that we were having a boy, she swore to secrecy but accidentally blurted in front of half the family that we could have her DSs baby clothes!

I wasn't being sanctimonious and I actually took pains to point out that I wasn't being critical.

I was just interested. I genuinely don't know a single person who always has a drink when offered.

I was just being curious because it's not something that I've experience of.

I called nobody a raging alcoholic or odd.

lol have had to do this SOOO many times recently, especially given my usual love of all summery drinks, pimms, white wine etc - I've had 2 weddings, a uni reunion & 2 garden parties... so
1 - when drinks go round pop out with you' wine' and switch for shlor cordial etc
2 - get your DH to get you a 'vodka' & oj etc
3 - odd but act a bit pissed at the relevent point
4 - dont underestimate how much people watch you... so go to slow or youll be sussed!
5 - arrive feeling rouch from last nights takeway, that covers first night!
good luck xx

sorry on iphone and rubbish at typing

just for the record, I'm not a raging alcoholic!

Thanks for all the ideas, telling her isn't an option as after two m/c we won't be telling anyone until we've had lots of reassuring scans.

plenty of good ideas here, but most will only work if we're in a big group. (the "losing" drinks thing really does work as I did it many times when pg with DD), but as it's just going to be the four of us sat round their house it's going to be difficult to be sneaky!

The best I've come up with is saying that DD has been waking in the night the last couple of days... the trouble is she's just going to say "well you can just have one glass" again and again and again...

You can't drink for 24 hours after a concussion, say you bashed your head on a bender the night before and the hospital told you under no circumstances to drink...

But I would just take a glass, lose bits of it (or just hang on to it) and hope for the best.

Antibiotics = up duff. Don't even go there.

I was pregnant over the world cup and we always have bbq's which involve drinking when there was an England game on.

In order to get around it (and I am not a huge drinker and before I was pregnant people would assume I was pregnant as sometimes I would say "no" to a drink!)

Anyway, during the world cup, I decantered schloer into a couple of "normal" bottles of wine and just continued to drink from them. I also brought a couple of non alcoholic pear ciders and soaked the labels off.

If you take your own drink for the duration just make sure you pour your own!

tell her you got so pissed last week on tequila mixed with wine and ended up showing your knockers at the pta barndance/office party and were throwing up pure stomach acid for two days and you are never drinking again (and this time i mean it!) and infact you are now on a complete health kick because your are off to a fab fancy dress party next month and you're going as a trapeze artist and gonna wear a gold lamee cut away leotard so you need to lose some weight quick

I don't think Liberty was being sanctimonious either. None of my friends would look askance at me not drinking if I said I just didn't fancy it. I do not have teetotal friends - far from it!

Or - you could, if you really don't think these 'excuses' will rub, ask for a spritzer (bring your own sparkling water?) and have the barest smidge of wine. Nobody can tell how much you're having if you mix it yourself, and it will not make the slightest difference to the fetus.

Or - just say 'no'. Don't lie, don't make excuses, just don't have a drink if you don't want one.

Bessie26- I sympathise.

I would definitely have to make an excuse. Unless I'm driving or pregnant, I would pretty much always have an alcoholic drink when out socially- whether at a friend's house or a bar or a restaurant. I would just never not have a glass of wine.

Actually, even if I was driving I'd have one so even that wouldnt work.

At meals, I used to accept the wine and then just not drink it/ swap glasses with person next to me when they were half done. No-one really notices how fast you're drinking once you've had the first one.

If it was a bar round, I'd say "Ooh- I'll have a lime and soda first as I'm really thirsty" and then I'll have something else next round.

I thought of another idea if you don't want to lie. You could quietly tell her you are laying off alcohol while TTC and you'd be grateful if she didn't draw attention to it? That is pretty much the truth.