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FEB 2010 Three is a magic number, yes it is......(999 Posts)
Come and take shelter from the DC here, folks!
<offers tiffin, millionaire shortbread and other forbidden goodies>
And, Science - I'm sorry DH let his phone go dead. How are you today?
Oh fc so sorry to hear about the depression and that your DH isn't able to understand it. I don't think I can put it better than Science above, but just want to say you have my huge sympathy - before I became a mother and then a mother of two I could never have appreciated just how hard it is at times and if you're struggling with mental health issue it makes it much MUCH harder. Please open up to us on here as often as you need to....
...likewise Scones. I think the fact that you can see the issue with your relationship with DD1 is positive - at least you're not refusing to acknowledge it or pretending it doesn't exist. I suspect you're reacting to each other's mutual stress as much as anything else and so you have an ever decreasing circle. I'm going to take my DD to some therapy sessions - not with a child psychologist, but with a creative therapist who uses elements of music, art and play therapy when working with young children and their families. So although the session is mainly for DD and helping her find ways of addressing her anxieties, they are also for me as well - so I can help her too and of course work on my own responses to her emotional issues. So you may find something of that sort to be really helpful in rebuilding your relationship with DD1.
I also read somewhere recently that it is very normal for a mother's relationship with their first born to cool somewhat when the next child comes along and for the oldest child to be resented for a time until the family dynamics right themselves again. Babies - especially fairly easygoing ones - are very easy to get along with as fc says - their needs are largely physical and you don't have the emotional complexities and behavioural issues of an older child to deal with. I adore DD as much as ever but with the caveat that she drives me nuts far more easily than she ever did before DS came on the scene - and of course, he grins and coos and gazes at me adoringly most of the time just to underline the point..!
Science sorry to hear your DH's fecklessness with contact has reared its ugly head again. Pah. I hope you manage to sort something out. Sorry to hear your DD is poorly - get well soon x
I'm now getting more sleep thankfully, although coughing fits are still waking me up - and I've strained my ribs from coughing so much, which doesn't help. Ah well. At least it's the end of term tomorrow so I get DH back full time for the next few weeks - the upside of being married to a teacher!!
have you read the 'siblings without rivalry' bc same people as 'how to talk to kids...' crew.
I took DCs into the city as the museum had a painting thing. Took them straight after tumbletots thinking they'd nap on the bus. DD didn't listen to that part of my plan and DS only did an hour. Still was a good day though.
Just did a run and cursing my PFs, although stupidly I did try a short fast one and I think it was wrong time of month. I have however neglected my exercises and noticed I should be doing them more. Hopefully this is a wake-up call as I sometimes I feel like all I do is physio exercises (also do them for a knee's) so go through periods of stopping them. I know it is silly in the long run
I readily admit to people that I have felt the two children very nearly broke me. They possibly did for a while.
<nods in agreement>
There were times I wanted to just run out into the street and under a car in the early days when they were both crying/screaming.
Tuesday I met a lovely lady in the part with a 2-year-old DD and 10 week old twin DSs. She asked me when the 'drowning' feelings stopped. I said about 6 months. But it does come back sometimes - normally on days when I have them both all day.
I love the days when DS does afternoons at nursery 12-3. It's enough to have a bit of rest and come back to him refreshed but not so much that I feel guilty that I'm abandoning him. I do admire you, CP for managing with both full time. It was only really when he started at the nice nursery that I felt I could manage.
I don't have siblings without rivalry. I downloaded a sample of it - now called 'raising happy brothers and sisters' I think. I feel like I ought not to buy any more parenting books until I've finished all the ones I already have! Maybe I will buy the full book.
ha ha, well I don't have to do it much longer. I know I will miss them and probably cry when I drop them off at nursery the first time, but afternoons are soooo hard, that I am grateful I don't have to do them much longer. I don't feel being a full time mum has come easily or naturally to me and I am no-where near being the mum I want to be most of the time.
Oh and counting has stopped working. He used to rush to do things before we got to '3' - now he just keeps counting (sarcastically) after we've stopped.
Stoof, just remember that saying no counselling now doesn't mean you can't take up the offer in the future... And stop with the imposter syndrome (I say this as someone who also has it!), if people think you are good at your job, then you are. Accept it and be proud!
Bear, glad you have found someone local for your counselling. Sorry about the old school friend, that must have been difficult.
IC, I am always in awe of how you get on with things. Enjoy your DH being off for a couple of weeks
CP, it's great that you are looking forward to getting back into work. What childcare plans have you made?
DH was very apologetic for the phone thing (though he nearly got clobbered when he suggested that I should have emailed him if it was urgent - I had left voice messages on his work and mobile numbers, and sent a text), and has promised to charge overnight. We have had a lovely night away. Feeling some romance for the first time in years
Waving to everyone else...
stoof meant to say, I think it depends on how long they are happy to pay for.
It appears I have a 25 day cycle, I feel cheated. As it AF returning after 10/6 weeks respectively hadn't made me bitter enough
Those of you with babies, wait until your older one is 5 going on 15 with teenage attitudes to match and your younger one at 3 is testing her new independence and is very cheeky and challenging... <not helpful>
nk and <snap>
sorry bout my last post too (some of that just spilled out as you may have gathered clearly need to engage brain more before fingers), but science and others, thanks
DS had improved mid week from earlier in the week 40 temp and aches seems to have the runs now and just went in the bath writhing about complaining of his bum being sore . fortunately asleep now - hoping he manages a decent night.
best go - internet free tonight
I'm with NK and stoof on the older back chatting child
Aw Science that's a really sweet thing to say, but I feel a bit of a fraud - after all I have a fantastically helpful DH who is almost always home before five, baths both DC, does a load of laundry (and hangs it up to dry) etc. etc.....I wonder how I'd manage if he was less domestically engaged than he is.
I would love to be one of those creative mums who comes up with interesting child-centred activities etc. to do with the DC, but if we're at a loose end it's usually visiting a friend/going to the local cafe/going to the library/going shopping that I resort to!
stoof sorry I didn't comment on your situation....big hug to you too xx
busy few days coming up
today was London with DH and DCs (cold but tried the sling for the first time since DS did his leg)
tomorrow: outpatients with DS and hopefully (if DCs go to sleep in time) meal out with DH
tues: going to brighten for some vegan shoe shopping (DH has day off so having DCs), tutoring and then climbing
wed: go to my mums for a few days for clothes shopping/looking at clothes as DH has an overnighter and two London days.
CP fx your DS has improved. Enjoy the shopping. When are you starting work?
meant to say looking at cars
ILs have offered to sell us their car on what they have been offered for part exchange. It makes sense to accept but I'm still not sure.
I start on the 22nd
CP How did DCs like the science museum?
I am shattered this morning. Had two bad nights in a row. DD currently sleeping. DS at nursery. I didn't realise Friday was a bank holiday and that's his full day at nursery and I am a bit pissed off. And I feel bad for feeling a bit pissed off.
He has been a bit more hard work the last week or so with nagging, whining etc.
He's been coughing all night last few nights so expect some of it is due to tiredness.
Here follows a massive self indulgent whine:
I took him out on our own on Sat. DH looked after DD. It started off well - we went to an old East German trawler ship that's moored off Canary Wharf. It was fun and they had a little automata exhibition (the main reason we went). Afterwards we went for a sandwich in the shopping centre and he acted up. Insisted on having his juice in cup rather than drink from a straw in the bottle. I said he'd knock it over and lo and behold it went all over his jeans. I was really moody about it and I felt guilty afterwards. It was the way he screamed about wanting a cup and wouldn't listen and then did exactly what I was worried he'd do.
Then he kept droning on about wanting Haribo. Then I went to the loo and after we'd left (and I'd asked him if he wanted to go) he said he needed a poo so we had to traipse back to the toilets again. And then there was no poo. I know these things written down look really minor and I feel like a bitch. I think it was lack of sleep on my part. Then when we got home and I offloaded to him a bit, DH gave me a lecture about being aggressive with him and how I should just laugh when he contradicts my every word/disagrees with all my suggestions.
DH had made dinner while we were out - dinner being an enormous pot of 'vegetable & buckwheat stew' that tasted of cabbage water and sadness. I ate more on Sunday but there's still loads left in the fridge.
cabbage water and sadness Oh dear bc <stifling a smile> Hope to be back later.
Well bc you sound just like me (with your day out with DS). They can be sooooooo infuriating and especially when you KNOW that something will happen (in our case it is usually that she will fall off her chair and hurt herself) and then it does. I sometimes find myself so cross, I can't even comfort her afterwards <pins on Bad Mummy of the year badge> And I would like to see your DH laugh in the face of that and on no sleep for the past year.
stoof I really do know what you mean about the hoodwinking - I've been waiting to be found out my whole life - but I am SURE that you are good at your job!!! Maybe it is, maybe it isn't up to work to pay but do bear it in mind for when you feel stronger. I'm sure your work can afford it where maybe you can't....?
fc welcome back to the fold. Sorry to hear that you have been having such a torrid time, and the lack of support from your DH. Nothing else to add on top of what everyone else has said but it IS hard, life is I guess and having children REALLY is. So if you have had other emotional stuff to deal with on top of that, it's no wonder you're having difficulties. I hope that your DH can accept it and support you. I know what you mean about fearing it will drive a wedge between you. I have always thought DH and I are rock solid, but I have been so ANGRY with him lately for what I perceive as lack of support. And lack of HELP!!! <grinds teeth> <decides not to go there>
IC how is your virus? Are you getting any sleep?
SB how are you doing? Did you have 'the talk' with your DH? Any more success in DTD?
CP your comment about two nearly breaking you - yes. I look back at last year wtih utter horror, honestly. I don't know how I helt it together at times. YOu just have to don't you. But I did hate it, hate it.
I ought to get the happy brothers and sisters book. There is a lot of rivalry from DD1 towards DD2 mainly. I have to say bc the older sibling attacking the younger one happens aquite often in this house. DD1 also readily admits it to me. Sometimes I am overcome with rage and sometimes just get her to apologise and kiss. It is the only time that DD1 kisses DD2 and she (DD2) just loves it.
Oh yeah and I am NOWHERE near the mum I would like to be <laughs hollowly> Forget crafts, I would just like to shout less.
DH is back with the shopping so I will have to go, Mous what is happenidng with you this week and how are you feeling?
Oh bear, that sounded very sad. We all have times when we struggle with our DCs, and sometimes the smallest silliest thing tips you over the edge. We all have those days, you are not alone.
Scones. You are sounding more positive. True or just a party face? I hope the former.
I am miles off being the mum I want to be. This evening I got so frustrated with DD1 not being able to sound out scelidosaurus, I had to leave the room. Ridiculous. But I do feel that a lot of time I do get it right and try and build on that rather than festering on the negative. God, this mothering lark is hard
Have been given a slightly hard time by a friend today. Our children's centre (which is attached to the nursery I am a governor at) is being decommissioned and she is furious.
How is everyone else?
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