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October 2012: onwards, upwards and rolling over?

(1000 Posts)
YompingJo Sun 20-Jan-13 22:01:28

Is this part 5 already? Where did that time go?

Zara1984 Mon 04-Feb-13 05:33:46

Oh god and just to add to the poo horror: DS was actually lighter and his mid-section softer after the poo bomb!!

Zara1984 Mon 04-Feb-13 05:36:34

Yes and possibly I am a bad mother for rubbing my child all over with Milton hand sanitizer but that was a seriously toxic poo bomb. I was not convinced that baby wipes and hand towels. Alone had eliminated its radioactiveness. And stink.

Londonmrss Mon 04-Feb-13 06:06:52

Zara well done on the journey! last time we had a public poo explosion, I left the baby gro in the bin, but thought about leaving the baby there too... it seemed like less hassle. Decided to just clean her in the end as it is quite a lot of work to get a new one and we quite like her.
Welcome back to Ireland! Where else in the world would you see a sign for the National Wife-Carrying Championships (saw this in Connemara a couple of years ago).

My baby is trying to kill me with her inconsistent feeding. Had to use breast pump twice in the night.

YompingJo Mon 04-Feb-13 08:12:58

Another one feeling very unconfident with sleep. Mini yomping seems to be really suffering with wind over the last few days, it stops her settling and wakes her up - is this part of the wonder week too? She is on Colief but it is suddenly so much worse, she lies in her cot bringing her knees up all the time so she's not sleeping well. What could cause this sudden increase in wind? Or have I got it wrong and it's not wind at all, it's just what she does with her body when she cries?

Hideous night, she woke up after an hour each time we got her down, it took hours to settle her each time, ended up with me having a meltdown and DH sending me to sleep in the nursery (on floor, in sleeping bag) while he tried feeding her formula and driving her around at 2 am to try to settle her. I'm not coping any more, feel like after 15 weeks of being on duty pretty much constantly, I have just... run out. I need a break and some unbroken sleep and I pretty much don't care what I have to do to get it. Was considering CIO last night at one point because it seemed like she was just doing it for attention... at some points she would stop crying and start chatting... I know that's daft and I'm just not seeing things very clearly right now. it's getting worse each night and I'm so stressed out that I can't fall asleep easily any more so even if I have the chance, it takes me an hour to relax enough to fall asleep. I'm scared of bad habits forming, is she going to wake like this every night from now on unless we ignore it?

Thank fuck, today is the last of DH' s shifts in this current set then he is off, although only for 3 days due to stupid courses he has to do. We have a cot for the nursery, he is going to build it this evening and sleep in there with her tonight and just bring her through to me for feeds. This isn't something we have ever done before, hopefully it will help me recover a bit.

I just feel like... I should be able to cope better than I am. What would happen if I was a single parent? She just seems impossibly hard work. It's no word of a lie to say that some days I cannot put her down for longer than 5 minutes before she starts to cry. I can just about get time to make a cup of tea and throw some cereal in a bowl for breakfast, as long as I sit on the floor next to her to eat it quickly then pick her up again. My back is so painful from all the carrying her in sling, she is nearly 15lbs now and the sling is the only place she is guaranteed to sleep at the moment. She seems to be in near constant discomfort from goodness knows what and I don't know whether this is normal or I should take her to the doctors yet again. Breastfeeding has been a really rocky road and is still problematic. I'm hardly sleeping. Most things make me cry now. I think I just want to be told I have a difficult baby... at least I would feel better than about finding it so tough. Does she sounds difficult or am I just making mountains out of molehills?

sad

It's me me me again but I feel like I have nothing left for anything else today.

crazypaving Mon 04-Feb-13 08:27:33

yomping not much to say but hug for you. am in a similar place and considering ringing my GP as I'm feeling pretty desperate. hang in there.

Londonmrss Mon 04-Feb-13 08:38:44

oh you poor thing yomping. exhaustion makes everything difficult to cope with.

for what it's worth, out does sound like you have a difficult baby. no, ill rephrase that: it sounds like your baby is going through a very difficult phase. having a baby that you can't put down is impossible to cope with and I haven't had that since mine was a couple of weeks old (although I'm sure it will happen again).
she may be crying because she wants attention- but don't forget that that isn't the same way in which a 3 year old would want attention. at this age I don't think there is such a thing as an unreasonable demand. and thinking about that gorgeous chat baby I saw on your facebook video, she obviously needs attention because she's bright and sparky and clever.

try and break out down into separate issues- yes breastfeeding was difficult, but you're doing it, and brilliantly.

is there any way you can get a night off? I know I say it to everyone, but if I hadn't just expressed enough milk for my mum to completely take the night shift sometimes during those first few weeks, I think I would be in an institution by now.

you can do this. you are! but you need to rest and it will all feel better. and it will pass. I promise.

WantAnOrange Mon 04-Feb-13 08:56:24

Yomping without a shadow of a doubt, YOU HAVE A VERY CHALLENGING BABY! If it's any consolation, you'll probably have a lovely toddler.

I agree with London she probably is crying for attention but attention is an equal need to that of food or warmth. Unlike food, it doesnt have to be you that does it all! What support do you have in RL? When is your DP around? It doesnt matter that he works, you work too, 24 hours a day with very high responsability and no breaks! So when he's home, he needs to do lots. Do you have Children's Centre near you? Mine is a life line for me.

It will pass. You may find she's much more settled once she starts rolling and crawling because I think some babies (maybe the very bright ones?) get bored. My SIL was like this as a baby apparently and is a lawyer now.

Have you tried letting her play naked? DD is miserable atm, but perks right up if I strip her off completely and let her roll around on a big blanket? It got me 30 mins of peace yesturday!

Olivess Mon 04-Feb-13 08:59:38

yomping it is so so hard and made so much harder with such sleep deprivation. It does sound like it's a difficult phase, particularly the needing to be held all the time during the day. My DD is15 weeks and very similar, fussy, sleeping very badly at night etc...if you can get a decent bit of sleep with DH taking over then it will feel so much better.

I was at the end of my tether last week, really couldn't cope anymore and not functioning well during the day. Felt just like you described in your post. Funnily enough we went away to London and I think she was so tired and stimulated by everything that we had 2 decent nights sleep. However we're back to the awake every 1 or 2 hours now but I do feel a bit recharged.

Also like you I have been trying to work out what is causing it but just going round in circles. There doesn't seem to be a pattern to the bad nights and no correlation to napping during the day etc... So now I am just trying to go with the flow a bit more and hope it is a phase that will pass - all be it a rather long 5 week phase!

Anyway you are not alone. There are a few of us with sleep issues and it is shit. Don't feel bad for venting your frustration on here, that is what this is all about. Big hug.

hufflepuffle Mon 04-Feb-13 10:01:36

Yomping you poor thing. I agree, she is being difficult but I am sure it is not permanent. I agree with the others. Your DH being off soon is necessary timing and hopefully you can recharge a bit and feel sane. Mine did 3 hr car journey Saturday morning just to get both baby and me decent sleep. Helped break cycle. And yes, hopefully he can hold her and entertain her in day too.

An aside. My back is in a mess and for few days seriously unable to lift DS. Discovered he is v happy in pushchair. Is it the height? Don't know but he is quite content there yet screams on floor or in bouncer. Worth a try? Also means I can wheel him from room to room to follow me and this not freak out if I leave room. We are a bungalow so this works, think you are a flat anyhow?

You are not a bad mum. You do not have a devil child. And this Definately certainly will fuck the fuck off soon. Promise. X x

Zara1984 Mon 04-Feb-13 10:10:50

Yomping!! First of all, big hugs. Your little one definitely is quite challenging, please don't think you're abnormally unable to cope or anything like that! We all would be at the end of our tether.

I reckon what you need is A PLAN. A plan for what to do and how you and DH divvy up your roles in relation to DD. Be clear, plain and honest with each other about how her behaviour/challenges affect you and talk out what would be the best way to deal with them.

Maybe I'm just a super-weirdo but I always find that things get so much better when you have some kind of a plan in place, even a very basic one, even one that just address how YOU will react to all the craziness that can get thrown at you. Ie, when crazy shit happens that I don't know what to do to fix, I will do X and that will make me feel more in control.

Just throwing ideas out here, but maybe - for example, if DD cries randomly (ie feeding, cuddle, change, attempt to put to sleep doesn't work) for more than 15 minutes, you put her down, go and take a breather for 5 mins (time on your phone). And make it a policy to strictly enforce it. You know what I mean? I have so many of these crazy little schemes I have in place (about everything) to cope. And I make lists. Lots and lots of lists.

I do this with DS. When he really loses it and has been crying for 20 minutes + and nothing I do can fix it - I swaddle him in a big cotton muslin, I go into the other room and check my emails/have a breather. Half the time when I go back he's calmed down or is asleep. The other half he's still crying but I feel better about picking him up.

Also I don't think there would be anything wrong with trying out Ferber method/controlled crying for a week or so. Or whatever variation on that you think you'd be comfortable. DD won't remember it, and you can find out whether it will improve things. If it doesn't - hey who cares, it's only a week.

Zara1984 Mon 04-Feb-13 10:17:50

Also re-reading your post - what I'd say is - you need to take care of yourself. You really do.

If you need to have breakfast, and DD just cries if you're not holding her - put her down anyway. Put her on her playmat, plonk her in front of the TV, put her in her cot and go and have your cup of tea and your cereal. It'll take you what - not even 10 minutes.

Not trying to tell you what to do by any means, just saying what I'd say to any friend of mine who felt in despair. What DD needs is a mum who DOESN'T feel like she's perpetually at the end of your tether. <hugs>

Also - a good tip a friend of mine gave me. When someone comes round, give them the baby to hold. Preferably eg someone who has kids so they know what to do if the baby is grizzly. Even 10 minutes of you getting to have a cup of tea, even if baby is there being whingey but most importantly YOU ARE NOT DIRECTLY dealing with them does wonders for your psyche. It really does. As soon as anyone comes round to visit, I give them DS to hold for as long as possible unless he's really upset. This works even better with close friends and/or family because you don't have to feel as bad about handing them a grizzly baby.

I was watching that (truly dreadful) What to Expect When You're Expecting movie and one of Chris Rock's lines stuck. Becoming a parent is like jumping on a moving train and hoping you don't die. Yep, sounds about right....

hufflepuffle Mon 04-Feb-13 10:17:52

Well suggested Zara. Methinks Yomping might like a plan.......

And welcome back to Ireland!! Cead Mille failte!! No idea how to spell it........ Nice change in weather for you?? Well done on your epic journey. I'm struggling to get out to supermarket, as ever.

Ps Yomping, your DD is brilliant when she not driving mummy insane that little video proves it. She is gonna be smart and expressive like her mummy!! X x

squidkid Mon 04-Feb-13 10:24:14

Poor Yomping. Sounds very difficult indeed. Lots of good advice here. This is the point where I would get the reinforcements in. SO much easier with another pair of hands / shoulder to cry on. In my case that would be my mum. Is there anyone you can ask. Do NOT feel inadequate!! Yes some poor mums have to go it alone, but we are not designed for it (seriously - that is why human beings have a menopause!)

Zara welcome back!!! Are you enjoying the gale force winds and pouring rain grin

FirstTimeForEverything Mon 04-Feb-13 10:25:37

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hufflepuffle Mon 04-Feb-13 10:34:02

Just off to look now...........

Zara1984 Mon 04-Feb-13 10:34:17

Err yes it's a bit bloody cold. I was packing away just now DS's clothes that he wore to bed in NZ. This consisted of sleeveless singlets and a large cotton muslin....

Fuck I have to find what wintery clothes I have that actually fit me. I'm so sick of wearing my summer maternity clothes - that's all I wore in NZ!!

God I missed proper internet though. And proper TV. That makes me sound lame I know. I really missed Boots... and Amazon.... blush grin

londonlivvy Mon 04-Feb-13 10:36:15

Oh yomping that sounds so hard. I know well the feeling of being awake after you've put them down, just at the end of your tether, unable to sleep. it takes me over an hour to get back to sleep after each waking, which means that ive been awake since 330. sob.

I hope your DH plan to help gives some respite. I also second Zara's suggestion of getting friends to hold her, just to ease the back strain.

Huge hugs.

hufflepuffle Mon 04-Feb-13 10:38:11

Hee hee hee! I'll just have to check my diary!!!!!!

Ill not spoil the surprise for anyone yet! And I see what u mean about those bumper bars. FFS. Did u work out the wheel lock? 2 mechanisms in one area. Truly I love this pram. It is just so easy to push and dismantle. Well worth the months of searching!

FirstTimeForEverything Mon 04-Feb-13 10:46:34

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YompingJo Mon 04-Feb-13 11:07:48

Thank you for all the support, it means such a lot. RL support is a bit sporadic, my family are miles away (and currently away on holiday) and his parents smoke and I'm not comfortable with them doing it whilst in charge of baby, and they have also made comments about how much she cries so I don't know how sympathetic they would be to her need for attention. From parenting "advice" that DMIL has given me, I'd also be concerned about leaving her in charge of DD.

Having a plan is a good idea, I need one for crying and one for not settling to sleep in day, and one in night. I will get DH to help me write them today. It also helps massively to know that she/this does sound difficult and I'm not just being a bit pathetic. I don't know why but it's more bearable just knowing that.

People don't really visit us. My good friends are scattered around the country, I have moved around a lot in the past. Traditionally we have done the visiting as most people we know have kids. I am really useless at inviting people round for a cup of tea because I am stupidly scared they don't actually like me and will either make some excuse or feel obliged to say yes but not actually want to. Stupid paranoid nobber! BUT today is a day of Sorting It Out so I pledge to invite 5 people over for a cup of tea.

I will try letting her play naked - sometimes she likes it and makes a fuss when her clothes are put back on, sometimes not. I gave her a massage yesterday evening to try to help her sleep (ha ha ha confused) and she got very cranky although it usually calms her down. It's all just a bit unpredictable at the moment.

I'm still not sure whether she wants attention or whether she is actually crying because she is uncomfortable but I am at a loss as to why she might suddenly be suffering from wind so much more, and I don't think a doctor would be able to help. There's nothing obvious on Dr Google.

Thank you all again xxxx

Zara glad trip went well (apart from poo!)

Londonmrss Mon 04-Feb-13 11:43:54

yomping my baby has been a lot more pukey for the last week- I wonder if sudden unexplained discomfort could just be to do with development of the digestive system or something.

my usually-not-too-difficult baby (feeding aside) won't be put down today and I'm exhausted after just a couple of hours of it. if it's been like this for you for a while, it's no wonder you're on your knees.

Londonmrss Mon 04-Feb-13 12:35:06

oh my god! my baby just latched without a nipple shield! first time ever! and had a full calm feed! my nipples aren't shit after all!

which begs the question- why didn't she latch in the first place? I thought out was somehow my fault but turn out my baby is just an idiot when it comes to nipples.

Orenishii Mon 04-Feb-13 13:12:09

Poor Yomping sad FWIW it does sound like you have a difficult baby. It's no one's fault - not hers, not yours, not anyones but she is difficult and you're finding it difficult. It's all difficult. I wish I lived nearby so could come and hang out with you. You just need to catch a break, is all...to refuel. I don't know if even your DH taking her in the night helps because you still know it's happening, it's not exactly peaceful, is it??

Do you think it might be teething? I've been reading up on it because DS has had the worst diarrhoea with streaks of blood in it again. Teething can do strange things to babies, including sick and bloody diarrhoea and all sorts of things.

hufflepuffle Mon 04-Feb-13 13:15:37

First I'm not looking at pram so hope this makes sense. There are 2 mechanisms. One inside actual ring has a rectangular centre which pushes down to release entire wheel. Don't do that! Wee sticky out bit from this is the wheel lock, pushes up or down, can't remember. That is it! Must dash!!!

Oh Crazy, I'm so sorry about your Godmother, that's awful.
Are you sure there's no way you can go and see her? Even if you have to call in a lot of favours?
Also, it really sounds like you need a proper break. You have had the ultimate clingy baby since day one, feeding problems and a difficult time with DS1. I know you said DH took DS1 the other day, but does he ever take them both? Do you express?
Is there any way you can get a day and a night to yourself? I wish I could help, I'm thinking of you. thanks
You should definitely go to the docs if you need to.

Yomping, it does sound like you have a difficult baby. We have difficult times, but not like that, and certainly not the majority of the time. I really admire you, because I start to lose my patience and have to control my temper after one bad day. Like someone else said earlier (sorry, forget who) I worry what I would do if I had a difficult baby. Zara's plan idea sounds great, and I like your idea to invite people over for a cuppa.

Welcome home Zara! Weird about the suckling thing, but you obviously have come such a long way because you're just taking it all in your stride. You sound so much happier now. grin

Congratulations MrBella!!wine So happy and relieved for you, hope it's the start of many great things to come.

Yay London!! Don't question it just go with it! Maybe you're finally over the feeding problems??

DS was a nightmare to settle tonight and of course DH is working, so I didn't eat dinner til 10:30 which is late even for me. But I really shouldn't complain because he's usually so great. I think he tires him self out being so flipping smiley and cute all the time!
Tried out our new jumperoo today, he's not quite sure what to make of it, it's still a bit big for him I think. Those that have one, do you pad out the seat at all? I put a cushion under his feet, but am wondering if he needs something under his bum to lift him up a bit.
Oh, and now I need to know what's in the pocket of the Uppababy Vista - PM me if you have to...grin

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