Stupid threats you've used that you can't possibly carry out...

(72 Posts)
Habbibu Fri 05-Dec-08 19:31:28

dd (2) pissing about at bed time, trying to play with my scarf while I'm trying to brush her teeth.

Me (casting about frantically for some leverage in the situation) If you don't stop that ... you can't have any stories again EVER.

Fast forward 13 years

Teacher "Why have you not read Wuthering Heights, LittleHab?"

LittleHab "My mother banned me from all works of fiction at the age of 2, Miss. I'm not sure if the ruling includes non-fictional stories, but I've been ruling out biography, all the same."

victoriaplum08 Mon 08-Dec-08 16:06:13

quint that is very evil (but funny!) grin

TheChristmasArmadillo Mon 08-Dec-08 16:25:47

I remember a woman I knew at uni told me when her dd was young (her dd was grown up with her own kid by this point) she was having probs with her behaviour, and made herself a resolution that she would stop making threats that she couldn't follow through on.

That night her dd wouldn't eat her dinner, not thinking she said 'if you don't eat it I'll shove it up your nose' - obv didn't work and she remembered her promise earlier. She grabbed a pea and made towards her dd. As she put her hand on her dd's head, her dd gave in and ate all her dinner.

SHe said to me she didn't know what she would have done if her dd hadn't caved in before she did grin

I loved that story - the lady in question found out she had terminal cancer soon after telling me that story. I only saw her once again before she died, with her (now in her 40s) dd. I remember looking at her dd remembering that.

It always makes me smile adn think of someone I hardly got a chance to know.

PinkPoinsettias Mon 08-Dec-08 16:27:38

'if you keep this up i'm going to put you back out in the car' to ds while in the supermarket with just me and him hmm

have also threatened to ebay him and leave him in various shops and buildings and at home blush

told dd earlier that if she hit me with her wand one more time i'd hit her with it blush... my parenting skills are lacking but thankfully haven't actually stooped to beating her with sticks yet so not sure what the point in saying that was....

Ruby - I say that too. And what would be the point of going? One of my other favourites is 'I am leaving for school in 5 minutes and if you are not dressed then I am taking you exactly as you are' Can you imagine if I turned up to school with a 7yo wearing a pair of pants, one sock and a pj top?

Always threatening to sell them on ebay, often as a buy one get one free deal.

Some of these made me snort with laughter (particularly Misdee and Kiltycoldbum)

I used to tell my younger cousins that if they didn't behave I would phone the men in white coats to come and take them away grin

Yesterday I was really cross with DS (2yrs) so I said 'Do you want to go in your cot?', he said 'Yes, very tired'.

He wasn't tired but I couldn't carry out threat either cos I was laughing too much.

PinkPoinsettias Mon 08-Dec-08 16:39:40

wilkie.... i usually never threaten dd with bed but got so cross with her recently for tantrumming all the way home i sent her up to bed at 2pm... she curled up and slept til 5.30 shock

now she asks to go to bed in the middle of the day when i give out to her hmm

silentnightplease Mon 08-Dec-08 16:44:05

blame - I say that to DS almost daily - not sure Nursery would accept him in a state of undress! Only this morning I said - do you want to go to nursery in your jammies - of course he said yes please then proceeded to throw a strop because I wouldn't let him - oh the mixed messages!!

DD who is 10 is often told, I'm going to pick up everything on your bedroom floor and put it in a bin bag. Can tell she is heading for teensville, last time I said it she said - good, it will save me the job then!!!

(Sobs at lack of respect!)

jempurd Mon 08-Dec-08 18:23:35

I think you'll like this one.

My dd (4y then) was being a complete brat. He only cared about money at the time, so I said 'if you carry on like this I'm going to take your £3 and keep it'

His instant and competely meaningful reply was......

'That's ok Mummy, buy yourself something nice'

Where could I go from there?!

PinkPoinsettias Tue 09-Dec-08 14:32:49

grin jempurd..... that's sweet and annoying all at the same time!

Tortington Tue 09-Dec-08 14:35:43

my kids should be mentally scarred.

stop playing with your didge, it will fall off.

to teens

i swear to god i will bounce you up and down the bleedin' street ( they all tower me i am midget)

nickytinseltimes Tue 09-Dec-08 14:39:24

Pmsl at these.

I frequently tell ds (2.4) that if he doesn't get his coat on, he can't go out with Granny.

Over my dead body...

GooseyLoosey Tue 09-Dec-08 14:39:37

Dh to ds "Stop that or come here for a sound thrashing".

Ds to dh in very public place "Can I have my thrashing now daddy?"

DippyDino Wed 10-Dec-08 12:53:53

Give over Dd Dino or I'll give you a bunch of fives and a bish bash bosh!

(I am most non-violent peace lovin hippy type EVER!)

Shes 2.8years and saying this has earnt me some odd looks in the soft play centre...

emilyandjohn Wed 10-Dec-08 21:46:20

To DS when he was about 2.6 "If you don't get ready for bed now I'll start diz [breastfeeding] without you". The threat worked...

gremlindolphin Thu 11-Dec-08 12:06:25

Once my dh was looking after the dcs on his own the first day of the summer holidays and when I walked back in he was saying

"I told you what would happen if you did that, you are now not going to have sweets *ever again*"

hmmm, thats a good one darling, thanks a lot

snigger Thu 11-Dec-08 12:13:32

"I'm going to take a PICTURE of this room, and I'm going to have it printed on a T SHIRT, and I'm going to make you wear it to gym so the WHOLE SCHOOL can see that you keep your pants and pyjamas on top of a pile of GUFF."

This would have required rather more dedication and effort than I am capable of in a year, and I had to offer them chocolate instead.

Ivykaty44 Thu 11-Dec-08 12:16:57

I shall ground you until you are 34 grin

travellingwilbury Thu 11-Dec-08 12:17:25

My ds (2.6) keeps fiddling with the christmas tree so yesterday I said

"If you keep messing about with the tree I am going to take it all down and put it away "

HIs answer ?

"Ok mummy"

Then all day kept asking me when I was going to put it all away .

cory Thu 11-Dec-08 12:25:16

PeachyBidsYouNadoligLlawen on Fri 05-Dec-08 19:43:02
"we have an agreement that when it gets too much I ban them from silly things which makes us all laugh and stops tension

'ds1 yu're banned from breathing for 2 hours!' usually does it LOL "

Peachy, this is genius grin. Any parent who can send themselves up in this way is going to be exuding enough confidence to keep their los on track.

babypringle Thu 11-Dec-08 12:26:30

I told DS (2.4) that if he took his arms out of the carseat seatbelt again, the policeman would come and take him away and he'd never see mummy again. blush

His arms have stayed firmly in the harness ever since.

In my defence I was having a really really bad day, and I'd just had to stop the car for the fifth time that morning

cory Thu 11-Dec-08 12:30:04

emilyandjohn on Wed 10-Dec-08 21:46:20
"To DS when he was about 2.6 "If you don't get ready for bed now I'll start diz [breastfeeding] without you". The threat worked... "

rofl

but afraid my dd at that age might have asked "who are you going to feed?".

stardazzle Thu 11-Dec-08 12:30:54

these are good

we do the counting thing too and again wouldn't know what to do if a get to 5!

although one time we asked dd2 to pick up her toys, then the i'll count to 5 and if you haven't they're all going in the bin, 1.2.3.4.5, she did nothing, so i said 'right i'm going to get a bin bag' and go off to get one, expecting to come back and find toys put away, nope! start loading toys in bin and she starts helping!!!! so next 'right i'm going to put this in the dustbin now' Ok she says! ahhhhh DH put the bag in the bin, we then had to spend the next hour trying to find away she could win the toys back!

DECKmuppetWITHBOUGHSOFHOLLY Thu 11-Dec-08 12:33:23

Me - I'll clear out all of your toys from your room!!!!

Ds - silence

Me - proceeds to clear out the toys

Ds - what about my books? You've forgotton them...

Me - I'll give them away!!!!

Ds - I think Thomas down the road would like them...

Twims Thu 11-Dec-08 12:40:42

LOL at some of these - especially the whispered Thank you grin

mankymummy Thu 11-Dec-08 12:40:56

me: "if you do that once more DS, I am going to go mad"

DS: wide eyed in wonder, sits down with his elbows on his knees, chin in his hands and says "oooh, go on then mummy".

im not sure what he expected to happen !

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