Stupid threats you've used that you can't possibly carry out...

(72 Posts)
Habbibu Fri 05-Dec-08 19:31:28

dd (2) pissing about at bed time, trying to play with my scarf while I'm trying to brush her teeth.

Me (casting about frantically for some leverage in the situation) If you don't stop that ... you can't have any stories again EVER.

Fast forward 13 years

Teacher "Why have you not read Wuthering Heights, LittleHab?"

LittleHab "My mother banned me from all works of fiction at the age of 2, Miss. I'm not sure if the ruling includes non-fictional stories, but I've been ruling out biography, all the same."

IotasCat Fri 05-Dec-08 19:35:24

(to the DSes)I am going to sell you on eBay and get two nice little girls instead

SpacePuppy Fri 05-Dec-08 19:38:02

counting to 10. Ds usually helps me count and when I get to 8,9,10 he runs like mad to do what I asked. I've to this day not worked out what I will have to do if I get to 10 and he doesn't respond.

BroccoliSpears Fri 05-Dec-08 19:40:15

Me: Do you WANT me to get cross dd?
Dd: YES!!! grin
Me: Oh. Well. Um. I'm... err... I'm not going to. Ha!

PeachyBidsYouNadoligLlawen Fri 05-Dec-08 19:43:02

we have an agreement that when it gets too much I ban them from silly things which makes us all laugh and stops tension

'ds1 yu're banned from breathing for 2 hours!' usually does it LOL

misdee Fri 05-Dec-08 19:44:31

dd2 slamming doors the other day 'IF YOU TRAP DD'S FINGERS THEN I'LL TRAP YOUR BUM!'

i have no idea what i was going to say, but it made dd2 go to her room quietly lol.

my sister was in fits of laughter at the other end of the phone.

RubyRioja Fri 05-Dec-08 19:46:08

Dh regularly threatens to cancel Xmas

AliEightMaidsAMilking Sat 06-Dec-08 11:24:59

Not sure if this really applies, but I used to work at a hotel, and got a very funny phone call one night:

Me: Good evening, this is XXX. (hear loud crying in background)
Person: Hello, is this Disney World?
Me: Er...
Person: I'm just calling to say that if my children don't eat their vegetables in the next 5 minutes, we won't be coming to visit this summer
Me: Er...
Person: (whispers) Thank you.

kiltycoldbum Sat 06-Dec-08 11:28:52

not my dc's but when we were little i used to tell my little brother that if he didnt go to sleep on xmas eve father christmas would chop his willy off and that is how girls became girls, we (girls) were caught still being awake when santa came grin evil, but worked a treat as i was only allowed back downstairs if i got him to go to sleep.

we laugh about it now, was funny.

kiltycoldbum Sat 06-Dec-08 11:29:39

its absolutely not true though as far as im aware! grin

AlistairSim Sat 06-Dec-08 11:37:23

If you don't put your tummy away, I'm going to eat it.

WTF????

hecAteAMillionMincePies Sat 06-Dec-08 12:07:52

spacepuppy - snap! grin in fact, I too joke about it "I hope I never get to 10, cos I've got nothing! grin

I also threaten to grab them by the ankles and swing them round grin when they are being cheeky but that's 'playful angry', not angry angry, iyswim. grin They are very disappointed that I haven't done it yet!

Niecie Sat 06-Dec-08 12:20:36

Oh dear, I must be an awful parent, I think I have done several of these.blush

I have threaten to sell the 2 DSs on ebay and swap for 2 girls.

I have banned them from breathing.

I have threatened to eat tummies.

I have also threatened to lock them in their rooms (there are no locks on the door) and to cut off DS1's nose, if he does didn't stop sniffing and post it to outer Mongolia.

Counting to 10 always works for DS1 but never for DS2 and I always get stuck for something useful to threaten him with.

Niecie Sat 06-Dec-08 12:24:12

Oh dear whilst sat at the computer typing my last post DS2 just found my old instant camera and wanted to take a picture. I told him if he did he would have to give me £1 because it is very wasteful and the pictures were expensive.

Quite a threat you would have thought - but no, he has taken the picture and now brought a £1 up to me.

I don't think threats work on him somehow.hmm

LadyPenelope Sat 06-Dec-08 12:25:29

Put DS in box with holes in top and send him to the zoo.

DD's godfather threatens to sell her for medical experiments if she misbehaves...

ThePregnantMerryYuleWitch Sat 06-Dec-08 23:23:35

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Colditz Sat 06-Dec-08 23:28:41

If you don't stop talking I will ear your brains through your ear.

"I'm going to count to 3 if its not done there'll be trouble! 1.......2......"

I'm never sure what the trouble will be but luckily we've never had to find out grin

DoNotsAntlers Sat 06-Dec-08 23:33:46

I know I have loads I could post...but I can't think of them right now.

Other than the obvious "we won't go (on teh already booked and paid for) holiday" or Santa won't come

Or "I will throw that (really expensive toy) in the bin"

Jackstini Sat 06-Dec-08 23:36:25

dd naughty going to bed tonight - dh called the house phone from his mobile and said "that's Santa calling - shall I tell him you are going to sleep like a good girl or to give all your presents to your cousins!" shock blush

quint Sat 06-Dec-08 23:40:27

my mum used to threatem that she wouyld rip my arm off and bash me with the soggy end, have used that one on DD1, DD2 still too young

Habbibu Sun 07-Dec-08 13:50:17

AliEightMaids - that's fantastic. I love the whispered Thank You at the end. Do you think they just called a random number?

Boobalina Mon 08-Dec-08 12:36:31

To DS (nearly 4) if he doesnt put his shoes on for school I will buy him big babies booties and he will have to wear them....

If he eats food with his fingers (ie, roast dinner, soup) I will snip them off and feed them to the birds, and that where all bird food comes from - naughty childrens fingers....

That i'll smack his bum if he does XYZ again (i dont)

2AdventSevenfoldShoes Mon 08-Dec-08 12:51:32

to give her to charity

RubyrubytheRubynosedReindeer Mon 08-Dec-08 12:53:47

"If you're not ready for school in 2 minutes I am going without you" hmm - not sure what the point in actually going would be?

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