In laws

[daisy560]

Hello, I'm new here and wanted to ask some advice regarding in laws.

My OH has never had a great relationship with his mother and there has always been issues with his mums MH state. Shes never been diagnosed with anything but suffers with depression.

My OH and his mother fell out a few years ago over his sister. Things haven't been great since that.

To cut a long story short, we have had a baby and things just seem to have gotten worse. I have been criticised I spend too much time with my family (we're really close) and I have the odd comment said I spend a lot of time with my mum who has a none curable cancer.
In October last year we found out her cancer had spread and it was also my OH birthday, his mum decided to bring his gifts over before we went away and we heard nothing off his sister.

When we got back from our holiday, my family came over to give my oh his presents plus I wanted to see my mum over the results and the next steps. It was a very emotional time as it felt like we'd been told she had cancer again. I got my oh a cake and I did a video of him with our daughter blowing out the candles, I posted this video on instagram. A few hours later my oh received a message off his sister saying she and their mum are really upset with the video that we had a celebration and they weren't invited.
Obviously my oh message straight back and said this really wasn't the case and said what had happened but she continued to send messages saying what about her feelings and she is really hurt.

This left me feeling awful and I was trying to deal with the news with my mum plus his sister being pretty horrible in these messages.

She has never apologised but I decided to have them all over at Christmas, she acted like nothing had happened, all went fine then it was my daughters 1st birthday in January, they all came over and his sister wanted stayed over, later on in the evening she was saying how upset she was over their dad and how much it affected her MH, so I decided to bring up the situation with her in October, she got up and walked away. After a few minutes later she came back in and said she wasn't going to stay over as she felt like I attacked her so left.

Months passed so I spoke to my OH and said maybe I'll send her message to see if we can resolve this, I sent the message to my OH and he was happy for me to send it so I did, she then blocked me.

His mum is trying to use our daughter as a weapon saying I'm taking her away from her and has told all his family things to a point I've been treated like I don't exist, I've been deleted off social media channels saying it was accidentally done, none of my posts are ever liked anymore.

This has all affected my MH massively and I'm trying to be a new mum.

I have spoken to a professional and currently I've cut them out for to protect my own MH for the time being. His mother message my oh a few weeks ago inviting just him and our daughter over with his sister and all their family without me.

What would you do in this situation?

I just don't know what to do anymore

Why is your DH going along with them treating you like this? He should have your back

I think things have happened in his childhood especially with his stepdad as he seems to get really bad anxiety when he gets cross and angry with him and blames him for upsetting his mum. He has even told his mum his anxiety about his stepdad but completely brushes off.

He has told them about the way they are treating me and said he can't go on like it anymore but they seem to ignore him and just go on again about their feelings

He has cut them off at the moment too but with his birthday coming up, I'm waiting for them to message 😖😔

Oh dear, I’d deal with it properly now. There’s another thread running on here now where the MIL has run riot for 30 years. The poor family are at breaking point. Don’t let that be you

Thank you, it's so horrible especially when a child is involved 😔 I haven't seen that post, I'll try and find it

http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/amiibeingunreasonable/5157149-mil-forcing-dinner

Here you go.

I hope your DH isn't going and has your back.

Thank you! He does and he didn't go to the family event. He told them he wasn't going without me as we're are a family and he is not accepting me being treated like this.
His mum obviously came back with a message all about her and how she feels.
His sister doesn't even care, it's so frustrating as she's a influencer with over 10K on instagram acting like she's a good person, shame people can't see what she's really like 😫

You are spending too long trying to engage with these people, you need to take charge of the interaction to be on your terms only. Your MIL sounds like a narcissistic madam and your SIL like a bratty teen. Stop trying to work them out and explaining yourself to them. Work out what realistic boundaries you are prepared to set with dh, which he must back you on and be the one to relay to them, and then that is enough. No more worrying about how they feel or what they're saying about you. You've already been wrongly portrayed as unfair and unreasonable, whatever you do will not change this so stop trying to change their minds. Spend your energy on your relationship with your dm and let those cold, nasty pieces of work fabricate and fester in their own misery. I wish you luck with this one, it won't be easy.

Thank you - I agree, tbh I've had enough of it, I'm struggling to deal with all so if they don't understand, they so be it and they can get on with their life. They're not family acting like that.

My DH is sending his sister a birthday card at the end of the month as it's her birthday, I feel like saying don't add my name to the card 😏 I think he doesn't want to cause anymore drama by not sending her one but she obviously doesn't care about our feelings 😐