Mumsnet Talk

Big bday for my DM this yr and she is going abroad for 5 days, and she would like me to be with her (and her group of friends). She won't be hurt if I don't go, just sad. I would really like to go but as DS is only only 22 weeks now, I have no idea how he will be when I go, or how I will feel!! Need to book the tickets for travel etc or else it will be quite expensive. Am mixed feeding but supply is dropping off now so unlikely to still be bfing at that stage, and if I am still bfing I expect it will be for comfort more than actual feeds. DH has said he can take time off to look after kids.

Anyone else left their baby for this long at 9mo? How was it for you/baby?

Developmental this is a time when separation anxiety happens for babies, I would either take baby with me or not go I'm sure your mum will understand and have a good time with her friends perhaps you could go to a spa or something with her before or after

I wouldn't go because of separation anxiety. I have to have an op in the next year and have deliberately planned it now while DS is 7 months so he won't be too upset to be away from me. I'm bf and it'll probably be a few nights in hospital.

Did you both have babies that went thru sep anxiety? Don't remember dd having it but obv don't know what ds will be like.

No this is my first. But have read up on this a fair bit as I din't want DS to be affected by my health issues.

I wouldn't at 9 months, no. I think it's too long at that age, and I would struggle/imagine baby struggling and not want to go.

Would it be prohibitively expensive for DH & kids to come too? You could still go on day trips etc with them, then, but be around for baby too.

I know that one of my friends went on holiday with family when her DS was just under a year, 10 or 11 months I think, without her DH and he was really unsettled and just kept asking for "Dada" all the time. And her DH wasn't even that involved in the early days, so for the primary carer I think it would be worse.

Surely if the child is left with the father though?

You would be leaving your baby with his Dad, he will be fine

Go and enjoy your Mum's special birthday - he wont remember you went, she will x

My 3rd child is currently 9 months and there is no way either of us would be happy with a 5 day seperation. I also know my older two would struggle with it too.

I recently went on a spa day with friends and DH looked after dc3 all day - she was absolutely fine, but I couldn't wait to see her at the end of the day and I would absolutely hate to be away from her any longer.

I would go but if you aren't happy is there a possibility you go for a shorter time? Perhaps join them for a couple of days.

DS is 9mo and has the opposite of sep anx (sorry can't spell it) he will go to anyoen and everyone and is quite happy as long as he has his toy. But I would find it hard to leave him for 5 days with DH. More for myself than DS as he goes to a CM 2 days a week and DH has him for a half day alone too.

I suppose it's a personal thing, only you will know how you will feel. Can you maybe go for a shorter time?

Sounds overdramatic, but I think I would be in almost physical pain leaving a 9 mo old for that long. I certainly wouldn't be able to relax.

As a mother of teens, I'd say go.... your DS won't have any memory of it.

To support this, I've spent the last 2 or 3 weekends downloading family holiday pics to Flickr. DS, who is 19, has been looking at them all. One set is from a traumatic time when he had serious injury abroad, was forcibly separated from me for treatment etc. I took loads of photos from his view of the world at that time... he cannot remember any of it. He was 3 years old at the time.

I feel very heartless so, I would have gone no bothers. I would have missed my DC of course and rang everyday to check, but he has a father who is well capable and an equal parent. I think seperation anxiety only exists on the part of the parent at that age, I dont think a 9 month old will miss you to be honest..

Can honestly say that the thought of leaving my DS for 5 days fills me with dread, even at 14 months. I've left him overnight twice and for the occasional evening/ day when i go out but at the moment couldn't contemplate leaving him for longer than that. I'd miss him too much. Everyone is different of course, so if you feel up to it i'm sure your DS will be absolutely fine with his dad. I think i probably would have gone, but taken DS with me.

We left our first baby for a week with MIL, when he was 9 months old, which with hindsight I wouldn't do again, and would never have thought about doing with our subsequent kids. But leaving baby for a few days with it's Father. Yes, I would. The kids are equally bonded to their dad as they are to me. I would miss them more than they would miss me. Different, if it was anyone else, but with their dad? No problem.

NotYet I so know what you mean I had to leave DS at 7 months for a few days for some medical treatment and my heart ached. He is ok and was safe with his dad and other family, but his dad said he was subdued while I was gone.

Just go. DS will be fine. This way he will learn that mum has a life as well and that staying with only dad is fine too. And when you had a very very nice time, you will be a happier mum (if you weren't already).

GO! Book Flights today! I went to Barcelona for 3 nights when DD was 6 months. Her Dad is a very capable man and they had a lovely time.. I never regretted it for a minute....A few years a friend left her 1 year old for 5 days with her Dad while we went ski-ing as did our other friend whose kids are older. We have vowed to do this together every year (pregnancies and cash permitting). Its good for all involved. Oh and my brother and both sisters packed the kids off to the grandparents for a week or two every summer hols and they did that until they all became teenagers...

At that age I would have taken ds with me.
I occasionally left him for one night, (and that was bad enough) but not 5.

Go and enjoy yourself.

I left DS2 when he was six months as my DH sent me to NY for my 30th. Ds is a very happy well adjusted 8yr old. No separation anxiety here

Just go !!! Dc will have a great time with your dh.. Who wants a clingy child...

I'm in the go camp. I left DS when he was about 11mo I think with his dad for a couple of days for work. He was fine, I missed him terribly but I know DS didn't suffer at all (and apparently didn't even notice that I was gone!). DH and I shared childcare anyway and it wasn't even an issue. As many people have said, if you left him with anyone else, maybe not, but with his dad - totally fine

I went back to work when ds was 9months and everyone said it was terrible timing due to separation anxiety, but he was fine. If ds is left with his father, he will be fine. I'm sure you will miss him, but he will be fine and you may well need a break by then!!

God yes go. Me and dh have just come back from our 'grown up' holiday, we also went last year. They stay with the ILs or my mum and aunty. Ds2 was only 1 when we went last year.
TBH i think it was harder on our 7 year old, dont think ds2 even noticed, hes still totally happy and in his routine so no problems caused by us being away