Mumsnet Talk

My mum has parkinsons. (and had breast cancer 14 years ago), and now it looks like she has bone cancer. They think it is secondary cancer from the breast cancer, and the medicos have been very positive about outcomes/treatments so far. She is now in the stages of finding where the bone cancer is. But it will still be chemo, radio, travelling and stress for her.

My uncle has parkinsons, and moved into the same village as my mum and dad a couple of years ago. He has not been coping for some time and does not let people into his house because of the state it is in. Last week he started halucinating about people coming through the walls, and has ended up staying with my mum and dad. They are waiting for him to be admitted for assessment, but this has just added to my mum's stress and workload.

My dad had/has prostate cancer, and since his treatment has just turned into more of a spoiled toddler than he was already. He expects pretty much everything to be done for him and shouts and sulks if anyone disagrees with him on any point.

My eldest son is also living there. He is 23. He had a load of work over christmwas and new year, and I know he tried to be helpful, but I have had to call him tonight and ask him to stop asking for money, to try to find work, and to offer help rather than being asked.

I am 3 hours away.

I have a full time job, which is fairly pressured, and work are relying on me in the coming weeks/months.

DH is forces and is starting a new posting with loads of training (away from home) coming up.

DH also has a real problem with his shoulder and has finally admitted that he needs surgery, which will medically downgrade him and may make him more likely for redundancy.

Oh, and FIL is going in for major vascular surgery on the 24th of this month.

All of this (apart from my father being a toddler) has come out in the last couple of weeks.

I have a nasty cold.

<<opens bottle of wine>>

<<wibbles>>

I told you not to click on this thread.

I never, ever do as I'm told, so your post was like a red rag.

Have a hug, a tissue, some cake and a huge pint of wine.

You poor bugger, what a situation.

Oh no <squeeze>

I can't help it, I always do what I'm told not to

What an awful time for you, do you have close friends nearby?

I'm sorry.

No friends here. I am forces wife who works, so I don't meet other mums, and most of my friends are at work.

Bloody hell - you poor thing. I wish I could say something positive and constructive. It's just shit for you.
But use MN - I know how much it helps just writing it all down and getting it out into the world.

Where are you based Nubbles? Sorry to hear you are going through such a rough time. I know we aren't there, but we will be your mates.

Cheers people.

I knew you would not follow instructions - 'tis the way.

Am normally NormaStanleyFletcher. Am just wearing the Dickens tonight.

Oh Norma! How horrible! Sod the MN rules - have a giant hug!

Fucking hell, I remember being where you are now and the whole sky of shit falling on my head one at a time in a short period of time

I'm glad you have MN and you also know the best way to command the best.

Look after yourself and then the rest will folllow <sneaky hug>

I have now decided that the smear test on Wed next week will have a horrid horid outcome

<<pessimist>>

Childminder's granny has now had a stroke/ heart attack.

Really, don't come near me, I am bad luck

It doesn't make sense and it's not fair. There's no reason why you have all of this to deal with, but you do, and you will. You'll come out of the other side of this, look back and think 'fucking HELL, what was that all about?'. Let yourself feel everything you're feeling and use MN to let stuff out. PM me if you like - my family went through absolute hell a bit like this a few years ago, so I understand.

Oh, it's shit isn't it . I really don't know what to say.

I hope your DS pulls his finger out and gets some work, or at least helps your mum and dad out a bit more.

Bloody hell, you've got a Perfect Storm going on there, haven't you? Thinking of you this morning and hoping that you've had your share of the bad luck by now.

You poor thing, it never rains but it pours eh? So sorry to hear you're going through such a shit storm. Have a and a big hug from me.

Keep posting, it helps to be able to vent.

Also I need to find an au pair smartish. To start yesterday. But I am feeling a leetle better today and am back at work.

<<necks >>

So who is supporting you in RL? Who is helping to sort out your parents' needs? I feel an urge to offer my (amateur) services, even if its only sending you a casserole in the post (feeling a bit useless now!)

DH and I are supporting each other I guess. Mum is the organiser in that house, and so is sorting everybody out. I think I will go up on Friday (actually just got permission to have day off). Will try to sort out uncle's house and give her some support.

Hilariously my DS1 went to see the locum at the docs, re his sleeping paralysis (see they all have issues!). And the locum told him to go see his GP about it - Well wtf are you meant to be?

How are you doing today? Sorry not to have checked in earlier. I hope your "day off" is going okay.

Great locum.

Thank you jars

Mum has secondaries in her lungs bones and hip. They are treating with tamoxifen to see how it goes. They are holding off the bigger guns of radio and chemo while they keep a watching brief.

Operation clean up of Uncles house started last weekend. He finally let us in last Sat. The place is pretty bad (no floors visible, have to climb over stuff to move around, could not see sink, filled 6 binbags in 4 hours, and used half a bottle of bleach).

By the time he agreed that we could come in we only had four hours available. So we have come back this weekend and will spend all day tomorrow sorting it out. Then he can move back home (he is driving my DM round the bend) and will have a cleaner round twice a week, which will make him keep on top of things and help him to keep on top of things. The problem he has is that if he has a bad day or 3 he doesn't have the physical ability to sort himself out afterwards, and then gets into a spiral of not coping and not letting people in. He then finds this embarassing. I have explained that it is his condition and not him, and he is not being judged (not in exactly those words).

I have spent some time talking to DS1 about his sleep thingy. (don't want to mention the full name too much incase it comes up on google). It sounds terrifying. 10 or 12 times a night he will wake up but still be dreaming, with stuff coming at him and horible nightmare type visions. He lays there begging (internally) for the phone to ring, or a bomb to go off so that he can wake up properly . He said the one time my DM woke him up during one of these episodes he was so releaved and thankful that he couldn't express it. He has an appointment with a neuro person next week. (he also says that he has been bursting into tears the whole time -at adverts etc - but he deffo ain't pregnant ). He has also managed to split up from his girlfriend and possibly lose his job (the boss won't call back and tell him which shifts he is on but he has no idea why)

It's all good as DS1 would say

Don't know what to say but wanted to share my

And cancer is crap (major uderstatement). Recent raw experience so am willing to hand hold.

Oh - I have

The one thing my DF gets right is a bottle box of the red stuff when we come to visit

That is a very long list of
Sounds horrendous for you all

Distraction question - which book/s did you get your Dickens name inspiration from?