what do you say when people say you MUST have another etc?

[mum2niamh]

Cos I'm going to end up with no tongue left with all the tongue biting I'm doing around my bloody MIL!

DD is ony 9 months, but I had such a horrible pregnancy (most of the time in hospital) then PND, that I'm not sure I want another.

She keeps nagging me, saying it's not fair on dd/dh, I must have another, I'm selfish, dd will be spoilt etc etc etc

PLEASE tell me what you say to such people without a huge argument (MIL is the type to burst into tears and cause lots of problems if anyone dares to stand up to her)!

[hf128219]

Just say 'We'll see'. Leave it at that.

[nancy75]

god i hate this, its none of anyone business how many kids you have, but yes in order to keep the peace a non commital hmmm may is probably all you can say

[ermintrude13]

Good advice from hf128219. Something non-commital is hard but dignified and avoids having to deal with huffy or blubbing MIL. There's a 4.5 yr gap between my two (would have been 3.5 but I had a mc, but in any case I couldn't bring myself to consider conceiving another one until DC1 was at least 2.5, that's just what suited us) and we had a few comments about needing to get on with 'the next one', but not from close family, thank goodness. Tempting though it was to tell them to FO and MTOB, a dismissive smile and a 'we'll see' or 'who knows' was the best bet.

There'll be 7 yrs between youngest and the one I'm expecting now though - haven't told anyone and am expecting all sorts of disapproving looks...

Just enjoy your LO now and don't get pressurised into anything by other people.

[compo]

I agree
Just say 'we'll see' and smile enigmatically

or 'don't worry you'll be the first to know if anything happens'

and smile smile smile, don't look bothered, just shrug and say 'we'll let you know'

don't let her know it grtes at you, don't tell her any pros and cons reasons for not having another (you might change your mind anyway), just let her accept your not going to go there with her

and if you really can't stomach it any more get your dh to tell his mother (politely) to shut the f* up

[Mulanmum]

Can't your DH have a word with her? Explain that you're still understandably fragile from the pregnancy etc and would appreciate her concentrating on DD and not putting any pressure on you.

[MadBadandDangerousToKnow]

It was different for me, maybe, because we owe our child to high-tech medical intervention and we decided not to have any more treatment. So there was never even the remotest possibility of another baby. I used to look people in the eye and say "sadly it's never going to happen". Nobody was ever quite obtuse enough to ask why not.

But starting the nagging when the first baby is only 9 months old is beyond belief. Will DH have a word in her shell-like?

[Bucharest]

I say (pointing at stunningly beautiful intelligent child behaving impeccably) "Why on earth would I bother when I got it so right the first time?" Then I tell them I'm too bloody old and too bloody broke.

[Bucharest]

Oh, and I'd tell her to f* off myself. I find boys so depressingly pathetic with their mothers...even big ones.

[spicemonster]

Get your DH to tell her that you nearly died and he doesn't want to put you through that again. Make it his fight - she's his mother.

[Kewcumber]

suggest she might like to be your surrogate (assuming its notlikely that she'll say yes or that'll be a whole other can of worms )

Ofcourse in reality I wold also do the smile smile smile and smile again and ignore the question.

[Bucharest]

Blimey- my MIL probably would leap at the chance of having her boy's sperm inside her....

[Kewcumber]

EEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

[MadBadandDangerousToKnow]

[Bucharest]

(the paediatricians here tell mummies-of-boys to tweak their todgers frequently, and to the point of- erm- great stimulation- in order to keep them healthy....until such age (they recommend about 7) when they're able to do it for themselves.....)

And I wonder why their bloody mothers have such ish-oos with their DILs?


I shall get back to me gin now....

[MadBadandDangerousToKnow]

Bucharest - where do you live (or is the answer in your name)?

[Hulababy]

For ages I went with the non comittment "we'll see." Now I get fed up of it so thy get a more blunt response along the lines of "we can't" or "4 years on and it hasn't happened so probably not at all". Generally stops that line of questioning in a converstaion I find

[Ivvvvyygootscaaared444]

I would love to have another - but I feel under so much pressure to concieve i think it is having an adverse effect.....

Or is that toooo sutle?

[Bucharest]

I'm in the deep south of Italy....Bucharest was a cunning ploy at anonymity which I seem to have blown asunder the last few days, so, hey ho......

It's a bit primitive at times.....

[PeppermintPatty]

REally??? Is that true Bucharest?

OMG

[NotanOtterOHappyDay]

i would just say 'ooh no we all love hings just the way they are'

[lovelysongbirdsnest]

just say you have everything you both want and are happy to tak life as it comes.

dn't give them any info

its quite rude of your mil.

[MadBadandDangerousToKnow]

Bucharest - So are there many Freudian analysts working in Italy?

[CarGirl]

I def think you should get your dh to have a stern word with his Mum to back off.

My other suggestions would be:

Our sex life is fine thank you, shall we discuss yours instead?

not so relevant as your dd is 9 months

Well we've been trying for x years we're hoping it will happen soon.

I have 4 dc btw but still think it's rude I always ask people if they'd like another child which is a very dif question.

[zazen]

Bucharest I read that about Italian mothers but thought it was made up! I also read in Shiela Kitzingers book they give their sons BJs!!

Anyway, I agree with what all of the posters say - it's his mum so he should tell her to back off. and that She'll be the first to know, is also another good one.

I also have used the line - "Thank you for your concern", and just smile.

[LittleOneMum]

I just say (to my MIL also): "hm, maybe" and leave it that, but to all those annoying people who tell me how selfish I am (ie those who have 4 children, generally) I say: "Gosh, I think you're amazing for having 4 children. I just couldn't cope. I'm really happy with one". And that's it.