Commiserating with poor old one parent families

[Podrick]

Thought this thread might attract kinder comments from multichild families than the celebrations one

[Podrick]

[Mulanmum]

...

[MascaraOHara]

one parent or one child?

I've obviously missed something either way though

[Podrick]

Durr! one child families!

[Mulanmum]

I'm so dopey I didn't notice your error, Pod but I knew what you meant Personally, I think we should go on some of the other small topics and start picking on them. Let's have a one-child-families' invasion of the chicken-keepers or house-swap topics and have a go at them

[MOrticiaAdams]

Has someone been 'dissing' us, then?

[hunkermunker]

What is the MATTER with you?

Just get on with having one child, without swipes at people who have more than one and you'll be fine.

It was all the "I enjoy my child and WOULD ABSOLUTELY NEVER ENJOY having more than one for x, y and z reasons" stuff on the other thread that riled people.

[teafortwo]

oh you poor poor puppies - your lives must be so misrable!!!!

Come and tell us all about it here....

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/one_child_families/638548-The-mystery-of-the-lost-shoes-and-trousers-and-other

[MOrticiaAdams]

Oh boring stuff then! I really can't be arsed with it tbh. I wish I hadn't asked now. Not my style to get involved in something like this.

[teafortwo]

sorry - my post was a little silly - but so is this thread - I think a diary - where we can chat about the ups and downs of parenting one might be nice - and help in the pr department too! I would love you all to post on it so we can chat about day to day life with one!!!

[LadyLaGore]

i do NOT get why there should be controversy about this topic. v v odd imo.
surely there are some issues which are relevent particularly to parents on onlys? why on earth would that bother anyone else?? havent seen any of the threads and am truly baffled tbh

hunks, why would someone expressing why they diudnt want more than one child annoy anyone? help me understand.

[hunkermunker]

It's the "I've got one child which means I can live a beautifulm serene life, with plenty of love and time for my child, not like those with more than one child, who live their lives in utter chaos and drag their children up, poor unloved, unnoticed things"

It's perfectly possible to feel happy about your choice without taking swings at the ones other people make. Lots of people on that thread managed it. Some didn't.

[LadyLaGore]

[shrug]
but why waste energy being offended? why not just assume that they feel that they couldnt manage more and thats all there is to it?

[hunkermunker]

Yep, you're right [serene indifference]

[LadyLaGore]

[hsmoothing troubled waters emoticon]

[MOrticiaAdams]

Sh*t Hunker, I must be doing something wrong then. That's exactly how I drag bring my only up!

[hunkermunker]

[teafortwo]

Ladylagalore - you are spot on there - I have one child and feel I could't cope financially, physically or emotionally with more! I could cry into my beer over my complete failings as a Mother. Or I could celebrate what I have. What I have chosen to have. I could celebrate the specialness of one.

I really really want a celebrating large families thread too. Because I think, the problem you have with our thread, isn't our thread saying one is so cooool, it is that you have the same problem as us...

Your family size get bad press and any hint someone doesn't agree with your choices - my guess is, like us, you are hearing hints all the time that are meant to mean more - you feel hurt. Actually I truly believe no-one meant anything mean towards larger families. But I am a big thinker and reading back imagining I was a Mum of say three - I know lots could have been read as an (unintentional) insult.

Seriously - I think I know a little bit where you are coming from...

When my cousin announced she was expecting number four, within my family there was a lot of giggling and mentioning of contraception and frowning and discussion about their incomings and outgoings - instead of the scream of 'congratulations' I got when I announced I was expecting dd! I am sure this isn't unusual and I guess that it must cut deep - it would if it was me - as deep as when someone says "you are not being fair on your child to only have one." or "Pregnant, yet?"!!!

I think you should, like us, rise above the constant critisism and frowning. You see, you made a decision to have big beautiful families and should celebrate that decision!!! It is a wonderful achievement... something I and many others couldn't do, you should shout from the roof tops about your achievement!!! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE - lets create a mumsnet celebrating large families thread!!!! Because I think we need to celebrate your families - why? Because they are REEEAAAAAAALLLY worth celebrating, of course!!! [Grin] [Grin] [Grin] [Grin] [Grin] [Grin]!!!!!!!!!!

[teafortwo]

oh no - hang on - my picture of a big happy family didn't work!!!!

[grin

[teafortwo]

I am cursed....

[teafortwo]

HURRAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[LadyLaGore]

i think theres a whole other topic for large families teafrtwo

i think youre right, i think people have all sorts of button that get pressed now and then by others, often inadvertently. important to notice which ishoos are our own and which are the burden of others and not to let those ones under our skin, no?

fwiw, i have wondered often if i really ought to have had only one, and whether i have the emotional capacity to be 'good enough' for the three i have... but they arent going anywhere (i hope!!) so its an idle wonder and we all just havew to get on with what we have dont we!

like you say; celebrate all our choices and the fabulous/difficult/beautiful/pita people we are lucky enough to have in our lives, however many there are of them!

[Podrick]

Crumbs this thread actually did attract nice posts!

So it's Ok to say life is tough and awful, and mumsnet will lend a hand to pull you back up...

But try to sing a song of celebration about the good stuff and it will be interpreted as thinking you are better than other people and the arrows will rain down on your head...why oh why are we not allowed to say that we enjoy at least some aspects of having a one child family?

I have decided that I refuse to bow to the aggression that some multi child families seem to have about the rights of one child families to celebrate their situations. I don't want pity or commiserations from parents of more than one. Next time anyone complains that a celebration of only children is "by implication" a slur on the families of more than one I am just going to copy and paste the same statement until they go away! Something like "the positive statements made about only children and their families are in no way a negative judgement on other sizes of family and need not be interpreted as such. If you have interpreted them in this way you may well feel offended but this is only because you have jumped to erroneous conclusions. There is much negative judgement on only child families in society, please give due consideration to this before you post"

[LadyLaGore]

you know what podrick - bloody good point!

got so involved in soothing the multimum pov that i lost track of empathising with the onlymums. fwiw - i think one child families are a bloody fantastic thing! really, truly, i do! we all have to say we're happy with what we've got, coz, well, its what we've got, right? but since this thread is here i dont mind admitting that there are things about being and only child i have always envied. and things about having an only child i envy now too.

i really honestly dont see the need for antagonism either way (and i know thats what youre saying too btw)