Mumsnet Discussions - its so fucking shit just wanna curl up in a ball (no need to read, i just need to write)

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its so fucking shit just wanna curl up in a ball (no need to read, i just need to write)

(29 Posts)

By Wed 24-Jun-09 23:02:50 Add message | Report | Contact poster

Just had MC number 5 and i feel like somebody is punnishing me for being a shit person. Have i done something seriously bad to deserve this? Now i need to decide how to "clear out the product" how the fuck am i ment to do that. My baby is still there. I saw it. Even though i know it will never be a baby now and i need to get it out. Its the baby that was there with a heart beating not that long ago and now its nothing. Nobody knows what to say to me and i dont know how im ment to act (you would think after 5 i would have it down to a fine art) Im scared i will never get another chance and im scared that i will fall pregnant again and have to go through all this again. I couldnt cope with this again. Id rather just get sterilised and never have to think about it again but i dont think i could cope with never having another baby again. Its all just fucked up. I feel so empty but im scared how im gonna feel when the baby is totally gone. is it possible to feel more empty.
I want to get really drunk and just forget but i cant forget i know i will never forget how this feels. it hurts the same every time it happens.

Add message | Report | Contact poster By Fri 26-Jun-09 22:20:38

How awful. Take care.

Add message | Report | Contact poster By Fri 26-Jun-09 22:20:03

How awful. Take care.

Add message | Report | Contact poster By Fri 26-Jun-09 20:49:43

thank you all for posting but im leaving mumsnet for awhile. its too painful and ill never get to post a birthstory or baby names im just left with a shitty empty feeling and just want to turn things back and just not fall pregnant

Add message | Report | Contact poster By Fri 26-Jun-09 20:32:03

I passed out and my sister called an ambulance. i have just got out the hospital. It was horrible. I was poked and prodded so much. I had a speculum 3 times and it didnt help. In the end i was loosing too much blood they took me for a d&c. I got out of theatre at 12.30 last night. bleeding has calmed down a lot and have no pain but i feel really empty. I need a transfussion this afternoon as my heamoglobin dropped from 13 to 7.
Just want to sleep and not wake up

Add message | Report | Contact poster By Thu 25-Jun-09 08:09:33

Star - I am so so very sorry. Please please please get some support. This is not a punishment. It is life being incredibly unfair.

I cannot imagine how you are feeling, please look after yourself. Is your mum nearby?

Add message | Report | Contact poster By Thu 25-Jun-09 07:36:55

so very sorry to hear this, starshaker

must be so painful in every way

if you are concerned about the pain and bleeding then you must phone the hospital.

look after yourself

this is not a punishment for anything, it is the worst, most rotten bad luck, but not a punishment

hope you have support in RL

Add message | Report | Contact poster By Thu 25-Jun-09 07:29:56

Oh star, hope you are ok. Please stop beating yourself up, it is nothing that you did (although I know that will be small comfort right now)

Add message | Report | Contact poster By Thu 25-Jun-09 07:25:43

hope you are ok star

Add message | Report | Contact poster By Thu 25-Jun-09 07:17:13

Im scared. There is too much blood for this to be normal waiting on hospital calling me back

Add message | Report | Contact poster By Thu 25-Jun-09 06:02:04

i am in so much pain. painkillers sre not shifting it and i cant sleep

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its so fucking shit just wanna curl up in a ball (no need to read, i just need to write)