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Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Lone parents

CONTACT AT A CONTACT CENTER

42 replies

tjgx · 13/02/2006 20:05

HO ALL ;)x..hope u are all well...im in a muddle and i realy odnt know what to do...fot those of u who dont kbnow me plz look at my last 2 threads..LOST,,CONFUSED...ok right x has got solictors involved...he has not seen baby j since he was 10 weeks old j is 8 months now...as u are aware x ha sput me through so much crap for the last yr and half...and his family...ok well he has got contatc at a contact center..every other saturday for 45 mins...my solictor has picked a center which is miles away from me as she wants to see if he will put in the effort,,he couldnt put the effort in even when i live upstairs from his mother the wicked witch of the block..so i cant see him bothering...now for me to get there i have 2 get 2 buses...n i have 2 be there by 10am..i dont know how im going to do it but i will..i do have concerns about the contact center..it isnt a very nice place i think for any family to go to..but i agree if it makes a situation easier then so be it...he has done nothing for j j doesnt even know him..i really dont want to be doing all this...all this 4 45 mins ...x name isnt on birth cert...he was never nasty 2 baby always abusive to me..as your all aware ive alot of other issues in my life that ive 2 deal with that still arent resolved..ive now got post natal depression..and getting councilling for all the shit they have put me through..i dont think im up 2 all of this...can i refuse to do it..i know a child should know both parents..but all x has done is abuse me verbally...n threatend me all the time..he has made threats b4 that he would kill me n the baby, he said that all 2 me when i was pregnant with j..and once after he was born he was areested for it ..plz help im very messed up x

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tjgx · 13/02/2006 20:12

sorry every1 something up with comp msg appeared 3 times hahahah

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7777777 · 13/02/2006 20:36

hi tjgx, sorry you having such a bad time. ive got to take my ds to a contact centre, its not arranged yet. im going to look at one on saturday to make sure its suitable. my ds is 16months now and saw his dad from 13months to 14half months and he was verbally abusive (not as bad as yours i have to say). like yourself, its going to be so much hassle to get him to the centre and theres no way im leaving him when hes so young and doesnt know ex, so it means ive got to see the pratt ex.

ex isnt on birth cert either, id rather just not bother coz i cant see ex enhancing ds life in anyway. there is a few people on here who do know quite a lot about the centres so hopefully someone will help you. good luck.x

tjgx · 14/02/2006 10:11

hi 7777777.....its horrible isnt it...i also have 2 b on the visit...as j so young plus i wouldnt leave j with him anyway...contact place seemed ok...i just dont want 2 bring j into that inviroment..where we are all being watched...but dare i say...that the place i went to the volunteers there where lil old ladies..bless...so if it kicked off with me n him i really dont know how they would handle him plus there was a mum there who had 2 have visitation at a center for whateva reasons...she wasnt allowed out the building with the child...as i stood there...she said 2 1 of the ladies..im goign outside with him..the reply was u r not supposed to..but i havent seen u then..n i just thought o my god..this lady has just let this woman go n she could run off with the child...i then had visions of x running off with my j...so i really dont feel to goos about this...im so sorry u are also going through it..it doesnt seem worth it does it..

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MamaG · 14/02/2006 10:21

I would be very concerned about that contact centre and would go back to your Solicitor and tell her.

If you flat out refused, he could (and probably would) get a Court Order for supervised contact. Sorry, but the Courts are mad keen on each parent having contact..

tjgx · 14/02/2006 10:30

hi mamaG..hicould u tell if u know how can if father name not on birth cert...how can he get access..this side of things i dont understand..he doesnt have pr..but yet my sol said if he was to go to court a judge more than likely will grant access ..

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MamaG · 14/02/2006 10:35

Hi

He could go to a Solicitor. If you denied he was the father, the Court could order a DNA test and then he could apply for Parental Responsibility, giving him rights over the child. Sorry to say, but you would be criticised for not letting him have contact with your DS - sorry ot be the bearer of bad news, but I thought you should be aware of hte facts.

Obviously, this is "bare bones" and I really think the best thing to do is go back to your Solicitor and talk to her about it all. Are you getting Legal Aid? If so, it won't cost you anything. Hopefully your Solicitor will be part of something called Resolution (www.sfla.org.uk) who have a panel of family Solicitors who are vvv good.

Hope this helps xxxx

tjgx · 14/02/2006 10:45

thanx mamaG..im getting legal aid. my sol i feel is a good 1...i ve had so much 2 deal with x and his family have made my life hell for a yr n half...2 start off with he said j wasnt his..didnt bother coming up 2 c him as arranged and when i was busy n he couldnt c j i was all the slags c..ts f..kers..u name it...i was called it...even after all that i still tried to be easy going with him for j sake...i used to get upset hurt cry,,i told him look j is only upstairs from ur mum..ur hear everyday...i would give him a time he would turn up 3 hrs late either drunk or drugged up...i couldnt handle it...he jumped over j pram 2 get me...thats when i said ive had enough n went 2 c my sol...i dont think he will bother that much when the new baby comes..i could be wrong...i do believe a child should know both parents but i do feel i tried so hard 2 make it work for him n j n he threw it bk at me time n time again with the abuse

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MamaG · 14/02/2006 10:59

oh honey please don't think I was judging you. Even in the most shitty relationships, the Court will still nearly always order contact - but in a case like this - at a contact centre.

I just wanted you to be aware of what could happen if you dig your heels in.

Sounds like you are having a really rough time, so sending you a big {{{{{{{HUG}}}}}}}}

7777777 · 14/02/2006 11:02

id be very concerned also about going a contact centre that is so slap/dash!your right in that someone could do a runner with a child!

as for legal aid, its not always free, ive had nothing but hassle with then losing my forms i fill in and then sending me bills, which is really depressing. ive just been on the phone to them again this morning because theyve mislaid my returned forms and because of this my solicitor has cancelled my appointment next week.

my parents are going to the sols today to try and get all my paperwork and i'll represent myself in court, rather than being asked for £90 a month off legal aid. i live right on the breadline so no way could pay it, its ridiculous, be very wary.

are you expecting again, you mentioned about him not changing when the new baby came?

ive got to pop out now but i'l check back on here about 1oc

tjgx · 14/02/2006 11:26

hi mamaG n 7777777...mamag i know u wasnt x im grateful for the advice it gives me a clearer head on the lil shit of an x...thanx for hugssss gosh do i need them....x 7777777 as me being preg not me 12 weeks after j was born he got some other girl pregnant!! he doesnt learn does he...what hurts me him n his family put me through hell 4 having j n yet he did it again with some other poor girl..so to me he put me through all this 4 sweet f..k all it makes me so mad x

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pepperpots · 14/02/2006 11:33

sorry to hijack 7777777 btu you said you were representing yourself in court? im only asking b/c my dp is thinking if doing the same as his xp has breached the contact order on at least ten occasions and sol are doing diddly squat! He has thought about representing himself, but is it a long process? is it worth it?

MamaG · 14/02/2006 11:36

Yes you are quite right about Legal Aid 7777777 - I meant that it wouldn't cost her money each time she visited - on a private paying basis clients are charged an hourly rate. I didn't make myself clear, sorry.

MamaG · 14/02/2006 11:37

Pepperpots - CHANGE HIS SOLICITOR!

www.sfla.org.uk is worth a look

pepperpots · 14/02/2006 11:41

he is reluctant to do this as first of all we are in process of moving so dont really have the money. And secondly another sol will have to be bought up to speed and its a long, dragged out case that has been dragged out over three years He just received a bill from said sol and for spending 20 mins with her, recieving 2 letters and sending 4 he has to pay 280 pound

tjgx · 14/02/2006 11:47

I didnt realise so many ppl go through this..its orrible..n im sorry for those who are in this situation..like me,,n for those that are fighting to see ...due to no fault on their part...sometimes i dont know what to do for the best..

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pepperpots · 14/02/2006 11:52

tjgx if your worried that he will not look after baby make him do a parenting course and give him only supervised contact, that way he can prove to you and little one that he is serious

tjgx · 14/02/2006 12:21

hi pepperpots,many thanx how do i go about getting him to do a parenting course!!

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pepperpots · 14/02/2006 12:24

you need to tell your solicitor that you don't feel he has the correct parenting skills and they will put him on the course providing he is serious about having contact. I will find out who the course is through what area are you in?

tjgx · 14/02/2006 12:29

hi pepperpots i live in islington...so if i was to ring solictor today...how should i put the idea to her!!

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pepperpots · 14/02/2006 12:47

right basically you just need to point out that you would not be happy to put your little one in a position where the father has main responsibility for them, as you dont think he possess's any parental skills. Then suggest that he goes on a parenting course while having some sort of supervised contact (that way it looks better on you as you are still letting him have contact) The course i was talking about is through ICS. He will be asigned a personal tutor who will make sure he doesnt cut any corners. if he then passes this course a safety check wil be done on his home. I hope all this helps and if there is anything else i can help with please ask

tjgx · 14/02/2006 12:50

thanx alot pepperpots..im going to ring her now see wht she says get bk to u in half an hour ok many thanx tjx

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pepperpots · 14/02/2006 12:51

good luck! i will check back in on you later

tjgx · 14/02/2006 13:03

Hi wel just my luck sol off all week!! but left message with her secretary..who reckons it would be a good idea that he does the course...see how u have to ask for something...sol has never suggested this to me at all..and she knows he has no skills!!

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pepperpots · 14/02/2006 13:14

oh you have to push otherwise they will just wait for you to ask for something but still charge for it if there are any other questions you have about the process feel free to cat me any time and i will help as much as i can good luck

tjgx · 14/02/2006 13:30

thanx pepperpots really appreciate it...well so far he has got 45 mins every other saturday at a center..not sure when it will start had a look saturday they said they will contact me...n let me know when contact will start...could i suggest to sol that he does this course b4 contact takes place..or will they say he still can see j regardless!

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