Crazy for wanting 8 young and losing friends?

(41 Posts)
MultipleMama Germany Mon 06-May-13 15:56:57

I'm only 23 so have plenty of time to decide. I have 4 beautiful dc and expecting 2nd set of twins in Dec making total count 6.

Told some friends about my thoughts/plans and they think I'm mad and selling my life short and wasting my "care-free" years. Some of my friends are still in Uni and binging on weekends, only 2 stuck around when I got married and PG. I do make an effort to hang out with them alone without one of dc but sometimes I bring them along and it's like they're embarrassed.

Have you lost friends because of having dc?

These thoughts only popped up because a friend spotted me on maternity ward and was "oh again?" Then rushed off, I then got a text from a friend cancelling our night out (meal then bar).

I'm frustrated and annoyed. Yes, I have a family but I still make time for friends and be there for them.

Sorry for the rant just feeling exhausted and emotional.I don't need added stress so unsure whether to confront them or ignore or stop being friends... god, I sound like a child. Going to go nap before I regret posting this...

tethersend Mon 06-May-13 16:08:28

I was impressed on another thread when I found out you were about to have a second set of twins... Agog when you mentioned the age of the first set... Almost in tears when you mentioned two older children... And you're 23?

<breaks down>

Have all the medals. All of them.

YoniMatopoeia Mon 06-May-13 16:10:49

What tethers said smile

Much repect.

neverlateforwork Mon 06-May-13 16:14:31

I know it's crass to ask, but how in the heck can you afford it? Kudos to you and your do for earning so much without a university education at such a young age. I'm more impressed by that than by the breeding ability tbh!

I'd have more, but even witha slack handful of degrees and two ft jobs, we can't go past three without bankruptcy!

MultipleMama Germany Mon 06-May-13 16:17:13

Thanks, I have a great support system and without them I don't think managing 4 would have been possible. They should have medals not me smile.

happyAvocado Mon 06-May-13 16:19:01

what if the support system falls apart?
someone gets ill?
or you?

tethersend Mon 06-May-13 16:24:19

Happy, wouldn't that apply to anyone having any number of children?

Sweetheart. I mean this kindly. It might be other things in your life that is putting people off. Not the babies.

MultipleMama Germany Mon 06-May-13 16:28:08

We rent of my father so rent is a little cheaper. I work full time (dog handler but not working at moment) which pays well Dh has a great job and is 28 so worked more years. We both save like crazy plus free child care as DF is semi retired.

We manage but we have tight months but our families help. Also Dh is OCD with budgeting and lists. Everything is put in his spreed seets.

happyAvocado Mon 06-May-13 16:28:43

indeed it does, but how much help and support do you need with 2 kids and how much with 6 or as OP plans - 8?

I had live in nanny when my kids were small, didn't have third one as I felt we couldn't afford one more. Hence my comment. I had no family around and had to rely on my time and energy and ex's to do the childcare when nanny wasn't working. We were both working full-time.

I think you have to accept that you have made a very different life choice from other people your age, and that they are unlikely to understand your choices. Heck, I'm 39 and have 2 DC and I don't understand! grin.
At 23, there's no way I would have got it, and sadly, if you don't have a baseline of things in common with people and some level of mutual understanding, those friendships are going to be very hard to maintain.

You may need to find a new set of friends, probably amongst other mums. It's hard and not fair, but I can see why your friends are finding it hard to maintain the friendship.

Chubfuddler Mon 06-May-13 16:33:04

How old are they all? Pretty young as you are only 23. Four toddlers with masses of support from a fit and healthy FIL in active retirement is one thing (although it would break me I have to say). Eight teenagers - Christ no.

jkklpu Mon 06-May-13 16:33:19

Wow, gosh. A question: you say your DF provides you with free childcare. How will he be able to do this for 6 children? I'd have thought doing it for 4 would already be a stretch.

Wishiwasanheiress Mon 06-May-13 16:33:38

I guess it's same as most other people, when u get pg other people change. I lost friends at 34 first time! At 23 I definately would have.

Thing is what I wouldn't have associated at 23 is that all your years are care free. Don't put shackles on ur age or choices. They are right for u.

Some people make excellent mothers. Be glad u found a talent in life some go for ever looking.

insanityscratching Mon 06-May-13 16:33:51

I can only see it from my dd's viewpoint. She's 20 and some of her school friends have a baby which to her seems so far removed from her own life which is work, study and fun that she no longer feels that she has anything in common with them.
My dd doesn't like babies and children and has no plans for any of her own and so wouldn't want to visit in case she was handed a baby and wouldn't want the hassle of meeting up in a coffee shop if a pram and a screaming baby was part of the scene either.
Much of dd's social life is spontaneous and so she can get home at six with no plans and be dressed up and out for the night by half seven. Babies and babysitters don't really fit with the life she leads and as a consequence neither do their mums.
Maybe it's time to be looking for new friends who have more in common with you?

MultipleMama Germany Mon 06-May-13 16:34:33

freddie you might have a point there.

If my support system fails then I'll cross that bridge when I come to it but I'll find a way to manage and we always said no matter what; kids come first.

Multiplemama - don't you remember me? We have "met" before.

Chocoflump Mon 06-May-13 16:37:38

I'm 25 with two kids- rarely see any of my friends sad
4 kids, soon to be 6? I'm sure your days are very busy but so rewarding! smile

What's their ages?

tethersend Mon 06-May-13 16:41:15

Does your DF live with you, multiplemama?

MultipleMama Germany Mon 06-May-13 16:43:34

Child care as he watches them at home a few days a week. DS is in preschool starts school in Sept. Dd is in creche Mon/Fri (our savings pay for that) so he picks both up and has them until 5pm. Just started taking dts as well.

Insanity I think you're right but I'll feel guilty for dropping them. I'll do it like a band aid- quick and fast smile

MultipleMama Germany Mon 06-May-13 16:47:41

DF lives 15 minutes away on foot.

Sorry, freddie I'm really crap at remembering things and names!

Thanks for replies everyone even though some are off topic lol.

Going to take that nap now! Xx

MultipleMama Germany Mon 06-May-13 16:50:31

Dc are 4,2 and 7mo. We wanted 3, we got 4, we then wanted another and are getting 6.

Won't be having or planning more until at least 28 smile

AThingInYourLife Mon 06-May-13 16:52:03

I thought you wanted "8 young" grin

I was wondering what species you were.

But I see that you want 8 and are young yourself.

I'm pretty sure at 23 I would not have wanted to hang around with 6 (or indeed 8) young children.

MultipleMama Germany Mon 06-May-13 16:54:54

annie Great idea just sounds scary meeting new people. I'll make the extra effort and talk more to the mums at creche smile

MultipleMama Germany Mon 06-May-13 16:55:51

28 is young! Well I consider it young haha.

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