be honest please! how was the first few years of having 3?(37 Posts)
i know there a lot of " if i should have no 3" threads out there but im sure nobody regrets having 3 or says that it wasn't worth it. so im more interested in how difficult the first few years of having 3 children with around 2 years age gap in between them was.
i recently had a mmc with no 3 and apart from the obvious disappointment of losing a pregnancy (although it was very early on) it also really made me think if i want to get pregnant again at all. i really struggled with the tiredness and sickness and hardly had energy to feed my dc not to mention giving them quality time with me and to be honest if having a 3rd means although we'll be a big family, i'll not be able to spread out my time, im not sure if i want to to it
thanks for sharing ur experience
oh MisForMumNotMaid it must have been so hard for you. i had a little cry reading ur post.
i felt exactly the same as you about this first mc. im not heartbroken (which sometimes worries me). maybe it's also because it happened straight away while with the other 2 it both took about 6-7 month. so there i was pregnant and very very sick and really struggled looking after the 2 ds. i knew almost straight away that there was something wrong. i had some left sided pain around 5+3 so went for a scan and they said it's not ectopic but very very early and can't see anything and this went on for about 6 more weeks and each week they saw progress but not as much as it should have been. finally around week 11 i was told there is no progress since the previous week and baby stopped growing around 6 wk, if i had not had that pain at the begining (which later on disappeared) i would have not found out that i had a mc until the 12 wk scan as i was so sick even after i was told baby died. no bleeing no cramps. so i had to have an assisted mc and went for the tablet option and this was 2 wks ago . just stopped bleeding and as the sickness just started to ease off and as my 2 ds just started playing together everything seems so much easier and feel that im ready again. feel worried to tell dp as i struggled so bad just 3 weeks ago and kept saying that i was almost happy that this pregnancy ended as i could hardly cope. so we agreed that this pregnancy was not meant to be for us and won't try again (not a while a while anyway and it was my sugesstion too) so really not sure what to think. maybe i just need some time to get the real view of how i feel.
im really happy that it all worked out for you and i hope that i can soon get to the right decision too
The first one i brushed off, it was a shock but i'd conceive straight away after trying so thought its just a blip, i cried a lot but it didn't break my heart so to speak. The second hit me quite hard. It was new years eve, we were on our way to stay with family having had people staying all Christmas and everyone knew i was pregnant because i didn't drink. I felt a failure. We left it a few months, using contraceptive because i felt very bruised and run down. Conceived again straight away lost it very early at 6 weeks. One cycle later tested positive on due on date but bled two days later and bled so much i ended up severely anaemic and the doctor gave me tablets to stop the bleeding and iron tablets to help. It was a bit of a shock to then not have a cycle. We hadn't been active in the bedroom (or any other room) just the once. I was still anaemic and when the test was positive i felt there was no point taking it seriously. I had mild morning (all day sickness) then after a few weeks thought i'd better contact GP. Got sent straight for scan and i was 9 weeks pregnant.
It was an easy, healthy pregnancy but I didn't enjoy it. I was rather cynical and scared of getting attached. At the third scan, around 18 weeks, this apparently perfectly formed little being growing inside me petrified me and i just started to hope that maybe this one would go to term. I spent rather too much time googling statistics of surviving being born prematurely.
At 31 weeks i was at the consultants to book c- section dates, i'd had one emergency and one due to being overdue so they said i needed to go that way, i was seen by the registrar at the local hospital, we're rural, and rushed to the big hospital because something was up with mine and babies heart. It was called junior doctor misreading the bleeding instruments and they couldn't find anything wrong! The c-section at term was lovely. DD had perfect scores and just fitted in to our family. The DS's laid a place for her at the table on her first day home and were disappointed that she didn't need a knife and fork.
My mum had problems conceiving but when we chatted about things after DD was born she made an interesting observation that in her day you didn't confirm a pregnancy till 12/ 14 weeks so two of my miscarriages would have not even been known about and the other two would only have been suspicions. She's not a fan of early testing.
I think the worst thing about it all was that i felt i'd been permanently pregnant for nearly two years - all that not drinking at Christmas, Easter,Weddings and parties. It looks scary on your notes when they say pregnancy no. 7 too.
I should mention i was 37 when DD was born so age wasn't on my side either.
Thanks MisForMumNotMaid that's very interesting. also a very happy ending that after 4 mc you got a lovely baby.
if you don't mind me asking how did you cope with the mc and did you have very difficult pregnancies?
i never thought i'd ever be one who has to go through mc but i guess it's so common that it's not surprising any more...
Totally agree with maillot that the hardest adjustment was going from 0-1.
My DD was just easy. Mainly because she slept through pretty much from day 1. She also slept for a few hours each day. She still likes her nap at approaching 2. She loved just being plonked and entertained by watching her brothers who would interact or just be busy being boys. It was all fascinating to her. I do find now that she eats as the rest of us its very much easier/ no real extra work and i do look forwards to the end of poo nappies when i get around to potty training.
DD was not interested in being mobile, late walker at 21 months,so i guess that helped with her not getting into too many scrapes.
Thanks for all the great stories i don't mean to offend anyone but really curious .
do you think that time has made the experience seem not as bad as it really was?
for most of you who replied the youngest is already 1+ and i found that hardest time was from about 4month+ and it all starts to get easier from the age of 1+
please tell me if you think otherwise
I had 3 under 4 - when dd2 was born, dd1 was 3.10 and ds 1.10. She was an accident, I'd been very sick when I was pg with ds, and it came back 100x with her. I was in hospital 30 times in 30 months during and after the pregnancy. Due to this I also had rampaging PND.
It was ghastly. 9 years on, I've got an (almost) 13 year old and an (almost) 11 year old as well as my 9 year old. It's very busy, crazy getting them anywhere on time, with the recent introduction of hormones!
I'd not take a minute of it back. She's amazing as the others are too. It wasn't complete without her. No matter that it's hard, it's worth it, every minute of it.
I have 2 DS's and now a DD. the DS's were 7 and 5 when DDwas born. DD slept through the night before DS2. She's 2in Feb and by far the easiest of my 3. I have no regrets even though we're on the cusp of terrible two's with not very good attempts at proper tantrums. The DS's love her dearly and DH spoils her rotten. She gets away with far too much. I had four miscarriages between no 2 and no3. I thought many times maybe it just isn't meant to be. My DS's are very much a twosome but now DD makes them a threesome.
I'll admitI prefer it as they get to be a little person, language kicks in and they can tell you what they want. But the baby phase went by so quickly this time, as she's been such a contented little thing. If i'd had another like DS2 It'd have been a very different story though.
3 under 3- not by choice DTs came along when dd was just 2. A year on and I must admit 3 is brilliant. But this is someone who ALWAYS having 2.
Why not leave a bigger gap? I took a long time ttc then had a MC so my third (now five weeks) was born when the other two were 9 and 6. They're able to dress themselves, get their own snacks, answer the phone and will play with the baby when I need two hands free to do something.
I had 3 all under 5.
I couldn't drive.
Youngest was not a sleeper.
It was great.
They are now 14, 16 and 18.
I found the baby stage hard. DD spent a lot of time strapped in the car/pram for school run, playdate to ing and fro ing etc.
Now easier as DD now at same school as the boys. Love that they can all do their own seat belts up. Little things like that make me happy!
Hardest part is making sure they get equal amounts of time alone with either me or DH.
I had a bigger gap - DS3 born when the older 2 were just 5 and 6.6. That meant DS2 went full time in reception the week DS3 was born which made a huge difference (although when I was pregnant I still had lunchtime and afternoon pick ups and was exhausted walking to and from school 3 times a day.
The rest - well I found going from 0-1 hardest, then 1-2 and actually 2-3 was fine because DS3 just slotted in. I know that's partly down to his personality, buy I was also ultra- relaxed and not self-critical about all the things I did badly like cleaning!
I have never had three children, but having four definitely got easier once the youngest were 7m and easier still once they were 3.
ILikeWhisperingToo i completely agree with you although unfortunately i only felt the same thing about the pregnancy bit after the first as all my other experiences were not nice.
if only we could sleep through the first 12 month (well 22 including pregnancy ), i'd happily go for it.
also keep thinking about the age gap and if i should listen to the part of my brain that says leave longer age gap otherwise i won't cope or listen to my feelings that say they will be better friends if they are closer in age and the 3rd one will be less likely to be singled out
Marking place - I love the even-numbered-ness of two but want to make another
I think the whole pregnancy, belly kicks and urge for a 'thrid time lucky' birth is about 80% of it though - the practicality and knackeredness of 3 puts me off, plus it's a big decision to disrupt the 'neatness' of a famaily of 4 (bedrooms in house, car size, weekly food shops, tickets to places, divided attention etc).
how funny as if these 2 little buggers knew about all these converations. so in the last 2 couple of days i've finally experienced the long waited "play together" they were sitting in the bath and had a flannel's each end in their mouth and were laughing their head off. i was almost crying and felt all the pain and stress was all worth it just to see that 3 minute of giggles. then again today the seemed like real friends.
thanks for all ur comments, it seems that the way forward is having another one when at least the middle one has started pre school and i think that would be sensible too. a lot to think about but will try and not overthink it...
Three lots of homework and three lots of after school activities are a bit of a nightmare now they are older though.
I have three but no.3 wasn't born until the other two had just started primary and pre-pre school, so I had time alone with the baby (mostly to nap!).
I'm 18 months in now and (mostly) loving it, though it gets tricky when someone is sick. My first year I had all at home and it was hard but going to things as much as possible kept me sane (toddler groups, park, out for walks etc)
Funnily enough my 3rd pregnancy was the easiest I'd had till that point, though I am now pg with no4 and not felt too terrible so far (12+ 2) and I'm hoping I'm getting better with pregnancy with practice. But this is definitely my last!!
I honestly found it pretty easy. We've never had any family around either so it was just a case of getting on with things. Helped of course that dh has always been pretty hands-on. Our first 3 came along in just under 4 years. All girls
Then we had quite a large gap and had 3 more in 4y9m. All boys. And not as easy! But not hard either. I think dh and I just really are the type to just get on with it!
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
First year was really tough, DS1 had just started school, DS2 had just started pre-school.
I looked knackered all the time and really struggled to get everyone everywhere on time - and collect them again.
The extra year with DD, as she starts school next sept has been quite tough as she's convinced she's as old as the boys....
hectic, but fun (and not massively different from 2 really)
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.