How many kids is too many kids?

(112 Posts)
keeleyandconor Tue 31-Jul-12 23:06:54

I was just wondering what you all thought about the amount of children people have. How many is too many? Do you think there is a certain amount that is acceptable but others that aren't? I ask this question because I am a mother of fifteen, 3 girls and 12 boys, of the ages 18, 17, 15, 15, 15, 14, 13, 12, 8, 8, 6, 4, 2, 10 months and 10 months. We have faced a lot of opinions about how big our family is, not all opinions nice or fair, most not in fact. I know that we are very, very happy with the family we have, how many there are of us, if we weren't happy then we wouldn't have had any more children, would we? It suits our families personalities, lifestyle, etc, perfectly. I understand everybody has their own views, but please try and keep them nice, on topic and constructive, but I would love to know what you all think, and how many children you do have or would/wouldn't have. Thank you smile

TreeLuLa Tue 02-Apr-13 04:43:08

I agree that children from big families (4ish or more) do miss out on parental attention. There is no way that families with as many children as OPs get as much care and attention as those from smaller families.

Also, I would not have more children than we can afford to raise - and that includes University.

Mosman Tue 02-Apr-13 04:58:52

It makes me laugh to be honest, bringing education into the equation. I am one of four, my parents never paid a penny. I have a degree that opened the necessary doors and has never been mentioned since. My best friend from pre school and playing together in the streets as you did in those days has a degree, masters, phd and has never had a job in her life, all those pieces of paper paid for by her parents and it's got her precisely nowhere. At 37 she still hasn't completed her studies, what a laugh.

CheerfulYank Tue 02-Apr-13 06:24:47

I don't think paying for college is a necessity. I understand if people do, but it's not something that would stop me from having children. As I said, my parents couldn't afford to send either of us. (I still went for a time, with loans, etc.) Does that mean they shouldn't have had us? I'm having a pretty lovely life sans degree, I must say. smile

I work with teenagers and one of them told me the other day that he'll need to find a job that pays $18 an hour before he'll move out on his own. He was utterly shocked when I told him I've never made that much and had lived on my own since I finished high school. (Between DH and I we make much more than that now, but I don't on my own.)

Aren't kids supposed to go through lean years of eating ramen and struggling to support themselves? confused

williaminajetfighter Tue 02-Apr-13 08:23:25

Gosh people on MN can be so defensive. It's great that other people have done well without a degree - whether they've moved up in local govt, or worked for their husbands company or whatever. But unfortunately the envt has changed, things are much more competitive and kids now can't even get an interview without a degree.

Degrees are now expensive and loans aren't readily available. All I'm saying is if you have lots if kids and are unable to afford HE for your children you are limiting their options. If you're fine with that so be it.

If education wasn't important and wasn't the route to social mobility -- then why are the British obsessed with it?

CheerfulYank Tue 02-Apr-13 15:38:43

I don't know, 'cause I'm not British. grin

FOURBOYSUNDER6 Tue 02-Apr-13 20:41:35

I am one of six children and my mum was/is an amazing mother in every way. She always got upset by rude comments from family, friends, doctors , parents etc etc when we were growing up ! "You have your hands full" "do you not have a tv?" Yet the irony is that she is a far better mum to us six than to many, many mums I have met who have less children ..... Many of my friends had mums who may not have had six children but were still "time poor " for their kids .....
I have four children and get the same lines as my mother did thirty five years on plus Eco warrior judgements "selfish having large family as bigger carbon footprint" ( ironic since I am a big Eco warrior)!!!!
I am not sure i have the emotional capacity to mother six like my mum but I can see I mother my four better than many parents of less than four so I try to ignore rude ignorant and upsetting comments ....
If you can mother a large family well and get by financially then there is not a 'too many ' possibility I don't think .... If they are wanted and loved and parented well then it is amazing that you have been blessed with such a large family !!!!!!!
Trust Mother Nature , the biological clock does not go on for long anyway really !!!! You sound like super woman !!!

Zola78 Tue 02-Apr-13 23:27:47

Sometimes I really think that we have got our morals and values all mixed up. The number of children a family has is an individual matter. Nobody really knows if they can or can't cope until there in it. No one knows if they can afford it especially with redundancies and job cuts becoming part of all our lives in the last 3 - 4 years. Even emotionally is not a given. There are periods of times when you cope fantastically and others when you are completely and totally clueless and that's regardless of number. What is important is support. If you have had too many and you aren't coping you should be able ask for help without fear of retribution. Similarly, if you are coping well you should be celebrated and encouraged.

The comments about big families getting the older children to help out / raise younger siblings, why not? In the majority of countries outside of the west that is precisely what is happening. There is a greater emphasis on the value of the family and ones responsibility to it outside of the west. We are far too selfish with our time. Children helping in the home is good for them it doesn't destroy childhood but equips them for adulthood. It gives them a role.

I'm the mother of 4 children yesterday was great whilst today was overwhelming. Have I had too many? Maybe or maybe we've just had a bad day. I hope to do much better tomorrow.

Rant over

CookieB Wed 03-Apr-13 00:49:46

I am only child, dp has db with 10 year gap. We have a ds & then blessed with dd. My dm was 1 of 6. Mil was 1 of 5. I didn't want dc but now would gladly have another 2 grin. Im 29 btw. He thinks dc should be entitled to own bedroom. I did the hard newborn work & miss it. We can't afford this but I think to the future where we are old & have our babies & their babies around us. My ideal I suppose.

MultipleMama Germany Sun 07-Jul-13 17:48:59

I have 4 and 2 on the way. Their ages are: 4, 2, 9mo & 9mo. I think it's personal choice. If you have the means to raise them fairly and afford them. I'm 23 and married. We manage fine so again, depends on the family. For me 6 isn't enough but 9 is too many and I have many years to think about it.

Beehatch Sun 07-Jul-13 18:07:00

Wow this thread has been rumbling on for almost a year. Interesting to see peoples responses, and polite for the most part.

princesscupcakemummyb Thu 28-Nov-13 22:41:59

intresting thread and op if you still check this thread i think its amazing that you have 15 children i have 3 grin

sarahquilt Sat 30-Nov-13 21:34:18

I respect everyone's opinions. I'm pregnant with my first but may have two ultimately. For me, the problem of overpopulation is huge and if we don't start to deal with it now, the next generation will definitely have to. I think big families were logical 50 years ago but as the development of technology speeds up, humans are living longer and growing prosperity had meant more people having more children. As a result, the world is overpopulated and getting worse rapidly. obviously everyone has there own view but I'm a bit disturbed to see people completely dismiss this very serious issue.

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