How many kids is too many kids?

(112 Posts)
keeleyandconor Tue 31-Jul-12 23:06:54

I was just wondering what you all thought about the amount of children people have. How many is too many? Do you think there is a certain amount that is acceptable but others that aren't? I ask this question because I am a mother of fifteen, 3 girls and 12 boys, of the ages 18, 17, 15, 15, 15, 14, 13, 12, 8, 8, 6, 4, 2, 10 months and 10 months. We have faced a lot of opinions about how big our family is, not all opinions nice or fair, most not in fact. I know that we are very, very happy with the family we have, how many there are of us, if we weren't happy then we wouldn't have had any more children, would we? It suits our families personalities, lifestyle, etc, perfectly. I understand everybody has their own views, but please try and keep them nice, on topic and constructive, but I would love to know what you all think, and how many children you do have or would/wouldn't have. Thank you smile

MUM2BLESS Wed 01-Aug-12 20:05:44

its amazing Keeleyandconor to tell you the trueth its a personal things on how many kids we have. Some will pass judgement on you, could it be jealously sometimes.

I have 4, I am one of 7, my dad from what I can remember is 1 of 13, his mum had three sets of twins.

It can get busy in my house with 4, how do you manage with 15? hope you do not mind me asking.

This year I was childminding 7, in september it will be 6.

Please share what you do in the area of delegating and shopping etc. I am all for improving what I am already doing.

I will not be critical as I think its amazing, in a wonderful way smile

People are surprise when I say I have four, I do not think four is a lot. I think people may think four plus is a lot. I guess everyone is entitle to their opionion as long as they are not offensive to others with it.

Great to hear from you on this.

IslaValargeone Wed 01-Aug-12 20:14:26

I represent the other side of the coin, I have only one child and I have had criticism about that too, so really you can't win.
Personally speaking I think as long as you can afford them then fine. This is a genuine question and not a dig, but how do you have time for them all?

MrsRobertDuvallHasRosacea Wed 01-Aug-12 20:14:39

As long as you can support them financially.....
Dh is one of 9 and hated it, but I think that was more to do with his parents. No individual attention at all or support.
2 are quite enough for me, and I would never have had 3.

NatashaBee Wed 01-Aug-12 20:15:30

I only have one, and a step child. I watch 19 kids and counting (sorry, trash TV) and feel sorry for the older kids who basically take on responsibility for a younger child in a 'buddy' system. That is when you have too many... when you have to rely on your older kids to basically parent the younger ones (although nothing wrong with expecting them to help out and occasionally be a spare pair of hands).

I'm the oldest of 10 technically. My mum was the youngest of 10.

I wouldnt say there is such a thing as too many. Too many to someone could mean1t some it could mean 3.

Could mean 15*

Margerykemp Wed 01-Aug-12 20:21:59

I think you should be congratulated on creating lots of future taxpayers and consumers. No one says 'only if you can afford them' to parents of one.

loopeylu Thu 02-Aug-12 16:45:57

Gawd, tricky question OP. How do you manage to support so many children - emotionally and financially? I marvel that you can do it. I work and struggle to give enough time to my 2 children.

'Too many' depends on the person and circumstances I think. But I suppose the other thing to think about is whether the planet could support everyone having so many children.? I was approached when I was with my 2 children in the supermarket recently by an elderly fellow who told me in no uncertain terms he hoped I would stop at 2 children given the overcrowding on the planet already!

noisytoys Thu 02-Aug-12 16:53:29

I think any more than you can personally afford to financially support is too many do for some 1 is too many, for others 20 is too many. Also as many as you can emotionally support without, as others have said, expecting the older ones to parent the younger ones cos they never signed up to a massive family and younger siblings shouldn't be their responsibility

BonnieBumble Thu 02-Aug-12 17:01:04

I think a large family is lovely in so many ways. However, I do think that people need to consider the environmental impact when having such large families. The earth isn't getting any bigger.

In an ideal world I would have liked 4 but will be stopping at 2.

CouthyMow Thu 09-Aug-12 22:57:20

I think that is dependent on you personally. For me, four is enough, and 5 would be too many, hence I am getting sterilised in October. For my friend, 10 is enough, and 11 would be too many. For you, maybe 15 isn't enough, but 17 might be too many. For one of my other friends, 2 is enough and 3 would be too many!

I don't think there is such thing as too many. Im 23yo and have 6. But i still feel like i want more. Mine are 6,6,4,2,3mo,3mo. I have faced so much criticism from people who think i was far too young to look after my kids but i did, me and hubby, we might hav only been 17 but we did everything ourselves and didnt rely on other people doing the work for us. And even though i have six children i look after them so it is nobody elses business how many kids i have if i can cope. I think it all depends on how many you would like.

justwantcheese Fri 24-Aug-12 17:11:13

As many as you like as,long as the state doesn't have to pay for them

5madthings Fri 24-Aug-12 17:14:12

so you have in amongst your 15, triplets and two sets of twins? if i read that right?

i have 5 and i think that is enough some of the time, others i would love one more, but financially 5 is what we can afford.

so its about financial ability to support them and then the rest is down to the individual and what you can cope/deal with, i am sure it must be fun with 15! esp that many boys, i have 4 boys and one girl! i cant imagine 12 boys shock

Tittywhistles Fri 24-Aug-12 17:29:05

I'll have 4 when the baby arrives in Jan. do I even qualify to be here? 15 is amazing and if they are all happy and thriving, and you are, what's the problem?

What do you mean justwantcheese about the state not having to pay for them?
Children, even only seen in financial terms are an investment on the country's future. Todays kids will be the ones working and paying tax that will pay for the increasingly aged populations healthcare.

justwantcheese Fri 24-Aug-12 20:56:13

No because if both parents don't work and stay on benefits then it is highly likely that the children won't work.so no they won't be tax payers they will expect to be on benefits too. And if they do work it is the exception not the rule. Don't have loads of kids if you can't afford them and if you can then that's great.

MrsBingo Sat 25-Aug-12 22:23:40

Personally, no more than 3 kids. Absolutely plentiful.

Then for others (who can cope better) 4 or 5 kids would be the maximum I think is manageable.

Any more kids should also supported by sufficient funds... If you are super healthy, have a huge house and enough staff to help with the kids then I guess there is no limit.

And since you already have lots of kids: congrats!

joanofarchitrave Sat 25-Aug-12 22:33:30

'No one says 'only if you can afford them' to parents of one'

Yes they do, in fact, if that one is coming along at a difficult time in their lives or when they're 'too' young. People will stick their noses in anywhere.

I have one child, would have liked two. I'm the youngest of three and felt that was one too many for my parents. My mother and father were both from families of 5 and both felt that three would have been better - my mother, no 4, felt quite neglected and her younger brother even more so. DH's mother was from a family of four, who have 3 separate non-speaking feuds between them, and who are all noticeably marked by extreme poverty as children. DH's dad was an only child who suffered very much from being the only child of a mentally ill mother.

Answer? There is no right answer. In truth I am always surprised and amazed when people have more than 2. I hope I have never said or implied this to anyone in real life, as it's none of my business.

trumphy Tue 28-Aug-12 13:33:49

My sister is asked on a fairly regular basis by people she knows and by complete strangers that she should have had another child, it's not fair on my nephew etc etc. When is reality, what they don't realise, is that she desperately wanted another baby and was not able to conceive.

People are too nosey and judgemental sometimes.

CountryKitty Tue 28-Aug-12 13:37:09

I think it only become too many when the state has to pay for all those children as the parents can't afford to themselves. If parents have both the financial & emotional capacity to properly care for their children then the sky's the limit!

Beckamaw Thu 30-Aug-12 16:48:25

I agree regarding financial capability.
DP and I both work and have 5 between us. With school trips, clothes, activities, holidays etc, we could not afford any more. We never have to say 'No', to anything like brownie holidays, school residentials, dance classes, football tours, etc. They don't always get everything they want either!

When people have loads of kids and expect to be supported by the taxpayer, I get cross. I think families should only have the number of children that they can financially support. Any more is selfish.

mancmisses Fri 07-Sep-12 20:06:35

I have 9 and 2 more on the way. they are3,4,6,6,7,7,9,15,17. and due in December. I would love more but can't fit them in the house.

but I do think it's personal choice me and DH are both only Childs.

surfingluby Thu 20-Sep-12 13:54:05

Wow, your amazing! I salute you smile
Who cares what people think.....as long as it works for you and your DP, your children are happy and well cared for then it has nothing to do with anyone!
I think more the merrier, I love having 3 and we have number 4 on the way......I'd have number 5 if we had room in our car/house but we don't!!
I say it's FAB FAB FAB smile

Kewcumber Thu 20-Sep-12 13:57:52

whats too many? IMO - one more than you enjoy/can handle/can afford. That's too many. If you can tick all three boxes, have as many as you like/can.

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