grandparent new laws

(132 Posts)
ednamode Wed 20-Jan-10 08:48:12

Hi

Really worried. I have deliberately cut myself away from family to get my life together as they were dragging us down with their disgusting attitude. and I have managed after years of pain to get our lives on track. Now I hear that this stupid government wants to give grandparents automatic rights to see their grandchildren, this is not a good thing for everyone infact for some of us it will cause real issues. What action can i take. and please no "well may be things have changed" answers i am not in the ball park for platitudes, this is serious.

many thanks

AgentZigzag Wed 20-Jan-10 10:54:31

I'm not sure what to do either, but I'm in a similar situation in that me and my DC don't have any contact with my mum, who hasn't seen my eldest in about two years.

I think it's too simplistic to say that grandparents rights should outweigh parental rights, and there are usually good reasons as to why the relationship has broken down.

I don't think it's up to the state to interfere in this relationship, and it says a lot about the type of person the grandparent is when they are prepared to take the parents of their grandchildren to court. How is forcing the parents to give access to someone they don't want their children to see going to help rebuild any relationships? It wont. It'll burn bridges and stoke up any hostilities that are ongoing.

I feel sorry for some grandparents, but I know from experience that it's not just a black and white issue.

OnlyWantsOneFartleBerry Wed 20-Jan-10 10:56:34

""How is forcing the parents to give access to someone they don't want their children to see going to help rebuild any relationships? It wont. It'll burn bridges and stoke up any hostilities that are ongoing.""

I feel like this about XDP and Xinlaws.

There is NO way that I would let them see my DD, and inflict their evil on her. NO WAY!!!

I have mixed feelings about this, in a way its good as if I died it would ensure that if dd went to live with exh my mum would still have contact and be able to intervene with her when he didnt look after her but on the other hand it does give his mother who is rather poisoness rights of acces to dd.

edam Wed 20-Jan-10 12:04:33

It's not actually happening, as far as I know, it was an idea that was floated.

edam Wed 20-Jan-10 16:17:54

Oh, just seen apparently it's in a green paper. Which means it's an idea that won't happen at least immediately, given green papers aren't commitments and even it if was a White Paper, there's a general election coming up...

jellybeans Wed 20-Jan-10 17:25:04

Parents should be able to say who has contact with their kids. My ILs ae toxic but luckily have calmed down after a decade or so as they had to to see their GC, it was in all our interests to be civil. Had they had 'rights' they may have carried on being twunts possibly and that would have been bad for the kids surely.

jellybeans Wed 20-Jan-10 17:25:28

Parents should be able to say who has contact with their kids. My ILs ae toxic but luckily have calmed down after a decade or so as they had to to see their GC, it was in all our interests to be civil. Had they had 'rights' they may have carried on being twunts possibly and that would have been bad for the kids surely.

jellybeans Wed 20-Jan-10 17:26:15

oops sorry about that!

peacocks Wed 20-Jan-10 17:28:39

it's ridiculous, first of all grandparents are denied care in favour of foster parents -- then it turns too far in the opposite direction -- to this! very silly indeed

onagar Wed 20-Jan-10 17:31:55

"It says a lot about the type of person the grandparent is when they are prepared to take the parents of their grandchildren to court"

Exactly! If applied this would only happen in the worst possible situations where it would cause the worst problems and bad feeling.

atlantis Wed 20-Jan-10 18:04:40

Grandparents do need a certain amount of rights to see their grandchildren to be able to go up against the ss if, say, both parents were to die and the ss decided in their infinite wisdom that granny was not a suitable candidate to raise the child, although of course according to the courts the ss are always right, so how much good it will do is yet to be seen.

There are also always incidents when a break up causes one parent or another to stop good grandparents seeing their children because they are pee'd off with the other side, just like father re mother in family law.

Having said that there must be protection for the child if granny or grandad is not a decent person, will allow contact to a parent the court has said no contact too etc.

I haven't read the green paper but there must not be a presumption of contact from the get-go and all related matters must be taken into account including any absent parents conduct and supervised visits should be inclusive.

Doe someone have a link to the green paper to save me the time of finding it blush thanks.

HerBeatitude Wed 20-Jan-10 18:08:28

It's not just this government who are saying they will introduce GP rights. It's also the conservative party.

This really is an undermining of parental authority isn't it? Who else should have rights? Aunts? Uncles? In laws? Neighbours? FFS where does it end?

Megglevache Wed 20-Jan-10 18:11:50

Oh Jesus Christ if this goes through I am doomed :-(

TheArmadillo Wed 20-Jan-10 18:13:17

This is something I've been concerned about as well. In my case it's my parents I don't want to have contact with my child. It worries me as it's not really something you can prove as such sad

Hopefully if it's as Edam says any change may not happen and if it does it will take years.

Interesting to see that others are in the same boat.

Megglevache Wed 20-Jan-10 18:16:32

If it passes I'll move a long way away- abroad hopefully.

TheArmadillo Wed 20-Jan-10 18:18:18

Don't go to Italy - apparently they already have grandparent rights over there shock

atlantis Wed 20-Jan-10 18:19:34

"If it passes I'll move a long way away- abroad hopefully. "

Just remember to do it before you get any paperwork from the court, after and they can bring you back, put you in prison for up to two years for contempt of court and award custody to whomever they like.

OldLadyKnowsNothing Wed 20-Jan-10 18:23:54

"It says a lot about the type of person the grandparent is when they are prepared to take the parents of their grandchildren to court"

It may be that one or both parents are failing to care for the child, and the grandparent is trying to intervene.

MrsChemist Wed 20-Jan-10 18:29:35

I think it's because they are changing how they can apply for access. Currently, grandparents have to apply for the right to apply for access. I think they are taking out the first application bit.

My "we're not racist/sexist/elitist but...." in laws have two hopes of exercising access to their grandchildren other that how it currently stands. Very limited access completely on my own terms and put a foot out of line and I will verbally have you for breakfast. I feel sorry for decent grandparents caught in a political situation, however, I have no faith in the law being able to discriminate between the two situation and would have to take every opportunity to try to block it as a law.

HerBeatitude Wed 20-Jan-10 18:47:12

OldLady there are such situations, but to deal with them by giving ALL GP's rights in ALL circs, is overkill.

Megglevache Wed 20-Jan-10 18:47:14

Old Lady thats as may be but people like me with lunatic/control freak in laws who really could/can do alot of damage, it 'll be a nightmare.

They can come and visit me if they wish - abroad but I'll certainly not stay here, not in a million years.

TheArmadillo Wed 20-Jan-10 18:56:21

The thing is in situations like oldlady describes then we already have procedures to deal with that through childrens social services. These laws as far as I can see are only to provide access to grandparents not to take the child away.

If a child's parents are seperated then there are procedures in place for the absent parent to fight for access - if they need amending then that is a seperate issue.

AFAIK this idea was put forward to allow gps, when their child hasn't got access to the grandhildren to then fight for access/visitation rights themselves.

But surely this is a family problem not a legal one? If the absent parent has access then they can allow their parents to see the child if they choose, if they haven't got access then there is legal recourse to fight for it, and if they are not interested then, it should be a family matter for the grandparents to either contact the parent who has the children to see if they can arrange something or if not put pressure on their child and support them to gain access.

Where a child has been removed from the parents then maybe it is in the child's best interest not to see the grandparents - or again there are procedures to ask for this type of thing.

The people I can see losing out here are the ones who refuse their own parents access to the children for whatever reason and now feel threatened (like me and others on this thread).

Maybe the procedures in the other instances don't go far enough but that should be then campaigning for a change in those, not these new laws.

The only people who have a right to see a child are the parents - unless they have done something bad enough to lose those rights. I'm sorry that it is hard on grandparents to lose contact with a child, but tough.

skidoodle Wed 20-Jan-10 19:01:39

"This really is an undermining of parental authority isn't it?"

Yup.

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