when did you know your dc was gifted? and were you a gifted child yourself?

(67 Posts)
hazeldog Tue 09-Oct-12 22:57:45

Just that really. I was a super intelligent child, musically and artistically talented with an IQ of 150 or so and all the difficult and dysfunctional stuff that can go with it. I worry for ds that he may turn out the same. He is only a baby now but has just had his 4-5 month contact with the HV and is very very advanced on his milestones. I mean thr HV had to pick her jaw off the floor at some things he can do. How likely is it that the poor mite inherited a mind that questions everything and struggles with existential angst from the age of 5? And if he has how do I make it easier for him? My own mother was obsessed with hot housing in order to cover herself in reflected glory so I know what not to do. Please tell me your positive stories smile

Way2Go Tue 09-Oct-12 23:56:53

My DMIL spotted signs of superior intelligence in my DS1 when he was 2 weeks old. She was really quite insistent. grin

I was both irritated and pleased when she turned out to be right. He came in the top .1 percent of a university entrance test so I think that makes him officially brainy.

BigWitchLegsInWailyTights Tue 09-Oct-12 23:57:09

I'm another Mother of a DD who appeared to be exceptionally bright...spoke and walked at 10 months...long conversations by 18 months...very perceptive, great sense of humour and unusual grasp of absurd jokes...now she's 8 and apart from having the reading age of a 12 year old and being rather articulate and good at art...she's very average!

It's an interesting thing isn't it...I thought she'd turn out gifted...and she is in some ways...but not in the sense that her school have put her on any G&T thing. grin

DD2 is funny and bright...I'm a lot more sensible about my ideas this time round!

BigWitchLegsInWailyTights Tue 09-Oct-12 23:57:55

Way2go what signs did she see? How fascinating that she knew!

hazeldog Tue 09-Oct-12 23:58:04

Probably a bit of both jinsei and also smoking dope took my brain down a notch and made me feel like I fitted in a bit more. Speed helped me get through college as my school wouldn't keep me for 6th form due to my refusal to conform to the uniform and my mother deemed the local college not good enough so I had a ridiculous 2 hour plus commute every morning ( could have been 15 mins but she was too tight to give me a fiver for the direct train). When the stress and pressure became unbearable heroin wiped it away.
I don't think it was rebellion more self medication. I studied pharmacology and had a great interest in drugs so I had a chemical answer to all life's problems. God it sounds awful written down and frankly it was that bad and worse. Its no wonder I worry for ds really. I am determined to do better by him whatever his ability and his choices.

BigWitchLegsInWailyTights Tue 09-Oct-12 23:59:17

DD1s first word at 10 months apart from Mama, was Spongebob. I should have thought hmm about my idea of her being gifted then really! grin

She still loves him today....but so far no dissertation on him!

hazeldog Wed 10-Oct-12 00:01:23

way2go it sounds mad but my mother had a post partum psychosis when I was born which basically involved her believing that baby me knew everything there was to know. Very odd indeed but having that psychosis confirmed somewhat when I turned out to be very bright mat have sent her down her obsessive path.

hazeldog Wed 10-Oct-12 00:01:57

[Grin] at spongebob

Nuttyprofessor Wed 10-Oct-12 00:05:17

I knew my DS was intelligent the moment he was born. He was very alert and looked at everything. He was born asking why. The nurse said he would be gifted and he is.

Jinsei Wed 10-Oct-12 00:18:04

It's an interesting thing isn't it...I thought she'd turn out gifted...and she is in some ways...but not in the sense that her school have put her on any G&T thing.

I don't think the school "G&T" things mean a great deal anyway bigwitch. My dd is on the list, but as it's only the top 10% of the class, there are other very bright kids who aren't on it but probably would be in another school - we live close to a university and it's a very high performing school as half the parents are academics.

In any case, I don't think that there is a cut-off point between "bright" and "gifted", it's all just points on a spectrum, and what is "gifted" for some is probably just "clever" to others.

And I agree entirely with what boffinmum said about being gifted not meaning that you must also be dysfunctional. It sounds like you had a tough time in adolescence, OP, but who knows, that might have had nothing to do with your IQ. Don't assume that it will be as tough for your son, even if he does turn out to be a genius. He might be a very happy, balanced genius. grin

BigWitchLegsInWailyTights Wed 10-Oct-12 00:20:45

Ours is a very high performing school to Jinsei...many...if not most are privately tutored and go on to private or grammar. I didn't really consider this.

Jinsei Wed 10-Oct-12 00:29:50

It's one of the reasons I don't like labels bigwitch. I hate the whole concept of the g&t list as it's so limiting - 10% of the class, so three among 30 kids. DD happens to be on the "right" side of the dividing line, but there are kids on the other side of that line who would benefit just as much from the extra opportunities. Kids who are really very bright and should be recognised as such. Overall, I think our school caters pretty well to the needs of all of the children, and the G&T list doesn't mean all that much in practice anyway, but still...

BigWitchLegsInWailyTights Wed 10-Oct-12 00:34:40

Her teacher mentioned "She's in the top 5% for literacy." so I suppose she's bright then. Pity her maths isn't the same bless her...she's like me and hates it! I do encourage her to enter competitions for art and writing and she did recently win a prize. I think it did her the world of good in terms of confidence.

I'm not sure how I feel about a G&T list...I do see that a minority may miss out though.

Way2Go Wed 10-Oct-12 00:39:31

BigWitchLegs. I can't imagine my DMIL could have had any realistic insight, I think she just lucked out with her premonition. She does remember saying it and likes to maintain that 'she always knew'. You can't beat doting Grannies grin
My DS was always a thoughtful and very patient baby and little boy. He would look at picture books very thoroughly and spoke extremely young. I think one thing that gave him an advantage was that he rarely got frustrated when he couldn't do something. I think that is quite unusual in little DC's. For example, he was always quite good at loosing games which meant he could learn from his mistakes. It is funny, but i think this slight lack of competitiveness really helped him to learn. His younger brother, who has turned out to be more mathematically able than his elder brother didn't have those qualities as a young lad so it's took him longer to show his academic colours.
We lived overseas in various countries so he was never received extra lessons at school and nor did we do anything very much at home except provide a booky, slightly nerdy, fun and loving home for him and his siblings. We thought he could catch up when we returned to the UK which he did with ease (as did his siblings).
He is studying medicine and is a totally normal, happy, well rounded boy who is good academically (as are most of his classmates) that's all.

If I did it all again, I still would not bother hot housing little DC. It's a bit daft.

BigWitchLegsInWailyTights Wed 10-Oct-12 00:47:53

I find that comforting way2go because I get the guilts about not sticking DD in Kumon or something...but she would want to...I know it. She likes working on things that she's passionate about. She has gaps...but she's 8 and I want her to play on her bike, write her stories and sit and draw when she gets in from school. Not work more!

Way2Go Wed 10-Oct-12 01:08:50

I never sent my DC's to Kumen or gave them any other extra tutoring and they win all the maths prizes at school. Makes us smile every time :-)

If they had a particular problem I would get them extra help but I rather my DC's were out and about.

I never got them to play instruments either. They played a bit of chess and have always played a sport or two but nothing much in extra curricular activities.

Way2Go Wed 10-Oct-12 01:12:40

Oh no I am telling a lie blush, my DC's did have some foreign language tuition when we lived in a non English speaking country, but I saw that as a nessecity as all the other could already speak the language and mine couldn't.

numbum Wed 10-Oct-12 23:02:10

he was born asking why jeez

ibizagirl Thu 11-Oct-12 06:13:58

I was always classed as "brainy" by everyone. Even when born there is a photo of me with writing on saying "ibizagirl born xx very brainy" for some reason. I remember when i was very young, going to someones house with a large table and loads of people there getting me to read newspapers. I could do it - they were wowed by it!! Dd now 13 and has always been called gifted, genius and all the other labels. Yes she is very academic and finds things, especially maths and languages, very easy. Yes she was bored at school because work too easy and was finished quickly. But i can't honestly remember anything as a baby that would stand out. She would always hold things and look at them for a long time, i do remember that. She talked well and could read and write early. But i can't think of anything major happening. She did always have books from a baby - even bath books - and has always been interested in books and words etc. Only thing i can think of now was when the health visitor came and showed dd a board with letters on and she knew her alphabet. She was 18 months i think and then she took a photo of dd reading an encylopedia to show colleagues?? Dd still doing well at school but to be honest i have never thought she was gifted. What is it? I always said she is brainy because i think she is. Her levels at school are high and she can't get any higher so what? The school isn't giving her anything different from classmates.

Lonecatwithkitten Thu 11-Oct-12 09:12:09

I was dismissed as lazy and slow to the age of 8 years old. Turned out to have glue ear that required three surgeries, was dyslexic and an IQ of 163. The glue ear got mostly fixed, I learnt to work round the dyslexia and went on and got two degrees from Russel Group Unis.
I picked up on my DD developed glue ear very early and due to terrible complications has a 25% hearing loss, however, she is an excellent lip reader. Now at nearly 9 years old she is showing fantastic ability in Maths, Mandarin and Music all of which she loves and science which she doesn't like so much. She never bothered to crawl, but was a reasonably early walker.
She didn't read before reception due to my dyslexia I was worried I would mess that up. What I did do was expose her to all kinds of things we actively made sure we travelled on all kinds of different transport, when we went for a walk we look for nests birds and different types of trees and flowers. All of this has stood her in very good stead as she has tremendous life experience to draw on at school enabling her to gain a lot from all the topics.

lljkk Fri 12-Oct-12 10:28:18

I never thought my kids were clever until the teachers commented on it at school. We discovered that DD was sporty at age 9, now that was a huge shock.

I would love to know what milestones OP's baby has reached so early.
I remember HV observing DS and gasping "Ten week old babies aren't supposed to do that!"
He's 13yo now, sometimes a clever bot, GSOH, but no genius.
I was labeled a genius as a child; yesterday to a friend I recited a long list of things I'm useless at which make it hard to find work (right now, with childcare duties).
So I'm not sure that being a genius is all that helpful, anyway.

SeveredEdMcDunnough Fri 12-Oct-12 10:35:01

Yes I was gifted. I wasn't pushed too much, but I wasn't happy either. I had a fairly miserable, anxious childhood with some good bits.

I dropped out of school (who DID put the pressure on, which I couldn't cope with) when I was 18, just before A levels - and found myself lost and with no ambition, no idea where to go or what to do.

No one would ever guess I was a gifted child. I am a single mother, I don't have a job, I'm very depressed.

My children don't seem gifted so far - who knows - and I am glad, if they are just fairly happy, and able to make friends with other kids, and don't feel like they're supposed to go on to future glory.

Being told you're going to conquer the world and can do anything you want to, at 9/10/11 can be too much to endure for some kids.

Adversecamber Sat 13-Oct-12 17:33:53

DS was the same when the HV did his checks. I am not gifted but DH is so assuming it is from that half of the gene pool, he took his A levels at 16 and is pretty amazing. He has turned out fine!

DS vocabulary was always very advanced and he is very wordy.
DS is certainly bright and has impressed friends we have had to dinner, I work with academics so no doubt they are brainy and they were very complimentary about him.

He seems to be enjoying life now he is older, he found the other children very frustrating at primary school. Loves secondary school as there is some work that actually chllenges him. He seems very ambitious and loves whipping up a crowd. Just elected to student council, his description of his speech and promises he knows he cannot keep rather scared me. He is very good at manipulating to try and get what he wants. Concerned a career in politics may be for him. We encourage but I think that he needs to be a child first and foremost and we have not pushed.

I think all people have gifts to give, worried I sound a bit like an old hippy. My dsis has no qualifications whatsoever but she is the kindest most giving human I have ever met.

I do feel like the dim one at home these days.

arkestra Mon 15-Oct-12 23:16:01

A common problem with kids that are strong at analytical thought is that they can get used to coasting and then find it difficult to deal with situations where they can't do the work with one hand tied behind their backs.

In the end they end up hitting a wall at GSCEs/ALevels/Degrees/LifeInGeneral and unable to get a purchase. This can be surprisingly traumatic.

So rather than hot-housing and forcing growth along lines that the kid is clearly already wonderful at, figure out the stuff they are not so good at, and be encouraging when they give that a go. Very important to get them used to trying on the stuff that they don't find a breeze. Also to make them realise that there is maybe more to life than the stuff they are best at.

Personal story - I was a reader at 2, maths whizz too, up to Cambridge 1 year early - then finally started having to work in final year of maths degree and realised - horror of horrors - that I was not actually good enough to be an academic! Did I have a plan B? Did I hell. Struggled through post-grad year, mucked around in various jobs, found stuff that suited me in the end. But I had it easy. I saw people who had been maths whizzes hit a wall halfway through their first year and that looked a heck of a lot more painful.

If your kid is happy and secure and has friends and has some coping strategies for dealing with situations where they can't just flash on the right thing to do then they will be OK. But you know this already really.

TheEnthusiasticTroll Mon 15-Oct-12 23:29:36

I was thick as shit, special ed for most things, dd is on the cusp of G&T not really recognised or used in dds school, they use top 5 % when referring to dd, I assume the mean top 5% in class rather than whole population but you never know, she astounded all professionals when a baby, but 6 1/2 it is evening it's self out and she less of the protagy she was expected to be, so yes relax, you can't map out a 4 month olds future, he will be amazing and adorable no matter what he does.

cory Wed 17-Oct-12 10:10:12

I think the OP would be doing her ds a massive dis-service if she assumed his giftedness (if any) would have to be a negative thing just because it was for her.

I was a gifted child who was isolated because I thought myself was different from my peers. Dd uses her intelligence to understand where other people are coming from and relate to them. That's two different ways of using very similar sets of brains. And it is at least partly down to choice. I could have made those choices and I didn't.

She has her own problems in life, but at least she hasn't got mine: I am glad I never lumbered her with the assumtion that she would have to.

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