Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have any medical concerns we suggest you consult your GP.

I've just phoned AA. Does anyone want to go sober with me?

(19 Posts)
TessMcDonald Thu 10-Jul-14 08:37:33

I've name changed just to be sure, but I've mainly only lurked on MN over the past few years.

I'm waiting for AA to call me back. Does anybody want to do this journey with me?

TessMcDonald Thu 10-Jul-14 10:04:59

In case anyone is following, I've just heard back from AA and I am going to my first meeting on Saturday.

The lady who phoned me back was so nice.

I'm going to keep this thread going for my own needs but anyone who's in the same situation as me is very welcome to share.

Wadingthroughsoup Thu 10-Jul-14 10:11:01

I'm not in the same situation but I was in a similar one some years ago. I didn't get on with AA, but a great many people do, so there's no reason why it wouldn't work for you.

I found another way to deal with my problems, which worked for me. I've never looked back- I feel like I'm finally being true to myself in a way that I wasn't for quite some time.

I just want to say good for you for taking that first step- not an easy thing to do at all.

You can do this- and I'm sure your life and your health will be all the better for it. It will be tough at first- but the long-term picture will be a much happier one.

Hi Tess, I am currently on day 3 of quitting, I have had a lot of support from the lovely ladies on This Thread here. You will be welcome to join us I am sure.

TessMcDonald Thu 10-Jul-14 10:28:52

Wading can I ask what it was that helped you? I tried AA about 10 years ago and hated it but I'm in a different area now and hoping I'll have a better experience, but I know it's not for everyone/every circumstance. I initially got sober through the NHS but I am not ready to do the intensive counselling sessions again (if they are even available).

Pearl thanks for pointing me in the right direction.

I wish you the very best of luck with your quit x

Wadingthroughsoup Thu 10-Jul-14 16:11:58

Tess, I accessed a local service called 'Addaction', which as far as I know was the NHS provision for my local area. I was recently told it doesn't exist any more- I don't know whether that's the case or not.

Anyway, they offered me a number of sessions with a substance misuse key worker. I also attended a weekly women's group which was run by the same organisation. It's hard to pinpoint exactly what it was that helped- I got on very well with my key worker, which was a good start. I really liked and respected her. Secondly, the women's group was an eye-opener. In my case, it brought home to me how small my problem was compared to the problems most of the others had. I had always lived a privileged and comfortable life. I'd finished my education, was financially secure and had a supportive family.

Many of the other women in the group had very sad histories and were living shambolic lives. Many had grown up in care, had abusive/neglectful/addict parents, suffered childhood sexual abuse, abusive adult relationships.... It was easy to see how so many of them had ended up where they were. Several of them had had their children removed from them, because of the extent of their addictions.

It was extremely sad and humbling and triggered something in me. I suppose it was the realisation that if these women could try so hard to recover, then I certainly could too. And it became obvious that I had perhaps a better chance than many of them, as I had a number of advantages in the shape of family support and so on.

Sorry, that turned into a bit of a long-winded explanation, but that is the combination of factors that caused some sort of change in me.

It may be that you yourself have had a very difficult life, and if so, then I'm very sorry, and hope my post doesn't sound insensitive. But I do believe anyone can overcome addiction, even those who have the odds stacked against them.

At the place I attended, they had 'Recovery Champions'- former service users who had experienced success in their recovery and who were acting as mentors for current service users. One of these was a man who had had an horrendous childhood, who began using drugs at a young age and had spent the next 30 years in and out of prison. He had been clean for some time when I met him.

As an aside, he turned out to be a bit of a sexual predator, in my opinion. But nonetheless, he'd got rid of his drug habit, which was the point of my telling the anecdote :D

All the very best of luck to you OP.

exWifebeginsat40 Thu 10-Jul-14 16:30:10

i've been in AA since october last year. i am currently 80 days sober, and it's amazing.

try a few different meetings as they will all have a different 'feel'. don't worry about the steps for now, or a sponsor. just listen at meetings, and look for the similarities, not the differences.

after my first meeting i couldn't believe how relieved i felt. the people there understood how horrible it was to be living in my head.

AA freed me. it's not easy, but it works for me.

i hope you can find some good support and some peace.

Elibean Thu 10-Jul-14 17:15:25

I did what you've done, nearly 3 decades ago - still very glad I did smile

Just wanted to wish you well x

Fairyloo Thu 10-Jul-14 17:18:16

Me!! Sober for 5 years and here to hold your hand.

Aa saved my life

tribpot Thu 10-Jul-14 17:20:37

Tess, there is another thread you might want to look at here.

Well done you for making the first step. You won't regret it.

TessMcDonald Sat 12-Jul-14 07:02:22

Wading thanks for your post. Addaction sounds a lot like a service I used several years ago. It was excellent and I stayed sober for 4 years. I then moved away and slipped and found I couldn't access them again because I was out of area.

Sorry to hear about the predatory bloke. I think that's called 13th stepping in AA circles, and hearing about it has always made me wary of interacting with men who I've met through alcohol recovery.

exWife fantastic, well done. If you're still reading, did you do the 90 in 90? I tried this last time around and found it so hard going.

Elibean and Fairy, thank you and also, congratulations.

Tribpot I'll have a look, thank you.

Sorry I haven't been back to this thread for a few days. I haven't wanted to think about AA or sobriety. I feel so ashamed and it's easier to avoid it. However, I'm going to my first (this time round) meeting this evening so I can't keep pretending this isn't happening. I'm shitting myself because I don't know what to expect. Last time around I was living in London and found a lot of the meetings pretty scary. I'm in the country now and I'm frightened that I'll meet someone I know and it will be a small intimate meeting.

Anyway, I will go and I'd like to update on here. It could be a diary for me.

Thanks for all the support so far. If anyone is where I am right now, please join in. I'd like that as well as support from the vets of course.

Good luck Tess, I am more than happy to join you here and hand hold. I think for me, it was making the decision that was the hardest. Sincerely hope you find the support you need today - best of luck

KiaOraOAotearoa Sat 12-Jul-14 08:01:28

Good luck today smile

Wadingthroughsoup Sat 12-Jul-14 11:14:27

Good luck today Tess. You're doing a brave and brilliant thing. It'd be good to hear how you got on.

Wadingthroughsoup Sun 13-Jul-14 17:51:41

Hope you're doing ok Tess.

TessMcDonald Mon 14-Jul-14 01:07:46

Thanks Wading I'm doing ok really.

I went to a meeting yesterday and then again today. When I got home yesterday I poured my remaining alcohol down the sink. It wasn't much but I thought it was symbolic. I want to stay sober.

Next 2 days are busy with DC end of year school stuff but I've still arranged to go to meetings. I want to do 90 meetings in 90 days.

I'm feeling a bit pissed off with DP at the moment. He has invited friends over next weekend and he won't cancel. I understand why; it would be embarrassing to cancel for a few specific reasons, but I really don't feel up to entertaining.

Thanks all for wishing me luck.

Pearl how are you doing?

Elibean Mon 14-Jul-14 09:38:16

Good for you, Tess!

Re the 90/90 - I found if I absolutely had to miss one, I was ok as long as I spoke to someone in AA about it and could trust my motives. There are times when it really is impossible (illness, kids). And then I would pop to lunchtime meetings and double up where possible to catch up - though I think being obsessive about that was probably a symptom of my general state at the time! Just talk, talk, talk to 'older' members and make sure you feel safe and connected - today, that is smile

Its tough when a partner or family member has their own agenda that doesn't necessarily feel supportive of your recovery. Maybe get some phone numbers and call someone before and after? Give yourself lots of little sanity breaks, popping into loo to get centered?

TessMcDonald Mon 14-Jul-14 12:04:14

Thanks Elibean. I am feeling a bit obsessive about going to a meeting everyday. Last night I was planning where I'm going/times/days for weeks ahead and I just couldn't let it go. I kept going to bed and getting up and going back to my list. In the end I gave up trying to sleep and I'm still awake now!

I have sorted our plans for the weekend. I told DP that I would be going out for the whole day - I'd planned a whole day of meetings - and asked him to apologise to friends on my behalf and just tell them something urgent had come up. He agreed to cancel.

Anyway, I'm going to try and get a few hours sleep in before DC are home from school.

Elibean Mon 14-Jul-14 12:07:12

Well done!

You know, you are bound to be obsessive about just about anything right now...it goes with the territory, I'm afraid. So obsessing about meetings has to be a good thing, as topics to obsess over go wink

You're doing great, hope you slept x

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now