Mumsnet Talk

Sorry in advance - I am really struggling at the moment.

After struggling for a long while, finally let my GP sign me off for a week with bad depression.

They offered to sign me off for longer, but I am determined to go back - I have to face my fear of work. I have had this for years (when I was young, I used to hate school).

I just feel that I can't cope in the outside world. I find the world of work frightening, alienating and lonely. I don't not enjoy my job - it's interesting enough. I get good 'reports'. But every task feels like the one that will expose me as a fraud. Even tiny things that should be straightforward. And I never seem to fit in. People aren't unkind. But they aren't really interested. Rationally I think this is just because they are busy and stressed too. But I take it personally and feel 'if only I said this/acted like this' I would fit in.

I'm scared, because I have to handle this fear of being at work as I need to earn.

Can anyone relate to this? I feel as if I'm the only adult who feels like this.

No you're not. I feel scared of everything these days. In my own house it's certainly less so, but I have health anxiety and a weird kind of dizzy on edge anxiety which kind of follows me around! I force myself to get out - you must too. As uncomfortable as it is. I hope you don't take that the wrong way.

Not at all, I'm glad it's not just me (though not glad you have it).

Have you had this a long time, puds? Can you work out where it has come from?

I've had severe anxiety since the birth of my son 22 months ago - and I'm pregnant again! A surprise!

I firmly believe it's hormonal. But there are other elements to it. I'm also T1 diabetic so I suppose that's where the health anxiety thing comes from.

What about you?

Wear the anxiety like an uncomfortable coat when you're out in the world - one that you can keep telling yourself that you can take off later.

I'm the same!

I don't know where mine has come from. If I am honest, I have never really liked 'going outside'. (I think I mean, having to be with other people, rather than actual agrophobia).

The awful thing is, I can't discuss this with friends as they are all very competent, high-powered, 'normal'. They don't even know I've been off sick.

I would like to find a club for people who don't like going outside!

Ps sorry puds, missed your 'coat' idea. I quite like that.

You never know name - one of those people could be the same as you. Everyone thinks I'm all singing all dancing and so confident. But I am scared to death by life every day.

The coat idea is one I got off an Internet forum. It does help.

Are you maybe highly introverted? Where just being with other people is exhausting, you need "down time" alone, quiet, to recover?

I was just going to suggest that Verity.

OP - have a read of this thread and you will see there are many posters who prefer their own company.

Is it wrong I like the name Verity?!

I too struggle with being around people. A few colleagues talk about their lives in such detail that I feel exhausted and need 'time out'.

Despite being sociable, a large part of me is introvert and I need hibernating time.

I tend to sit alone at lunch to reflect and hear myself think.

I don't really like being out and about either. I always feel nervous when I see people I know as I'm rubbish at social chitchat and I worry and over analyze about everything I say.

I feel like this a lot. I spend a lot of time at home and only go out the house for a reason. I feel like I'm loosing my safety blanket if I have to be out the house for too long.
My problem stems back to being a teenager , I never seemed to fit in and my parents house was always a mess so I would stay home cleaning rather than go out being a teenager !! The irony is I now hate cleaning and have become the opposite !