Fabulous ladies struggling through pregnancy without (or with) our meds

[somewherebecomingrain]

Hi there

I got pregnant in August, quit my meds immediately, had four months of hell, one month of happiness, then 'events dear mums, events' took over - illness, financial problems and i'm gasping for meds.

Any other pregnant women struggling through pregnancy with or without meds? Could we get a thread going? I've got so much to say. Currently bobbing around on threads for women just starting their meds and have med-envy IYSWIM. Then I thought see if there's demand for a thread about the actual topic itself.

[50shadesofmeh]

Hi there I also got pregnant in August , i cut off my citalopram I was on for anxiety and PND after having my daughter in 2010 and had 3-4 months of absolute doom and felt practically suicidal, finally feeling like I can function again but anxiety is still quite bad.
I'm 25 weeks now and due to have a section at the end of march and so scared my PND will relapse again and I'll need anti d's again , I had such hell coming off them I'm scared to ever be on them again.

Was struggling working full time as a nurse so been off sick and Slso have SPD at moment so sailing a bit close to the wind so to speak lol

[somewherebecomingrain]

Hi there we are timing twins. Thanks for responding. I'm in the opposite boat in so far as I just want drugs but feel I can't cause im PG. I had a month where I felt great and thought yes this is it I can do without them then bad things happened.

Why do you not want to go back on them? Were the side effects really bad? If they were helpful and there's no safety issue for an unborn chil d my view is theres no reason not to take them - after Pg is over. My take is it's just getting through PG then sertraline is safe for BF and anything is safe if you FF.

It was hell coming off for me too - anger, inability to work - and in some ways I feel I'm still adjusting - insomnia has struck recently and I wonder if it's a final stage of withdrawal. I'm prepared to go through it again because I hope next time I come off it will be because I'm ready not because I have to. I won't have hideous morning sickness and we won't be homeless living with my sick parents etc etc.

I feel now is my time of need and I will let myself have them as soon as its safe. I think it's so bad it outweighs my fear of withdrawal. I'll go off them later when life is more settled. In a way I feel more confident I can having done so once. I just don't know how I'm going to get through next few months and be good wife and mother.

I am very sorry about the SPD - it's no joke. All in all I feel for you as its just so gruelling being PG and unable to take the help that is there. I'm barely working too.

Do you have any other kids?

Xxx

[somewherebecomingrain]

Ps sorry you have a daughter. Also it sound like you are in good shape to get through the PG and maybe beyond without ads - maybe your circumstances are good or your just regaining strength because you are. That's good and it may feel precarious now but I wouldn't want to come across as persuading you to go back on them!

[somewherebecomingrain]

In the absence of a lively AND thread I'm going to risk talking to myself. The good news is I'm nearly 25 weeks and with an ELCS pencilled in for
39 weeks that means just 14 weeks to go.

The bad news is I'm up at 4am eating my MILs crisps which I know she didn't want touched. We are broke and We're staying within my MIL because we can no longer stay with my parents. We have been at my parents for about a year but now my mum has cancer. Althougj it is thought to be mild my dad has gone a bit nuts and is making it really hard for us to stay there. My sister sides with my dad.

Today I have to see them all - my side of the family - and I'm dreading it. I've never felt like this before I've always got on so well with them. A toxic old friend of mine who I tolerate mainly for her sake is insisting on coming so I'll have to deal with her as well.

My DP is having a crisis because he has to stop his creative projects and go into a corporate job. I'm quite tired of following his merry dance. So that's all dandy.

I want drugs so badly but just don't feel I can till
After the birth.

I just don't know how I'm going to get thru the next 24 hours. This is never me. I'm never alienated at Xmas but I just wish I could disappear. My poor little DS deserves better this is how you mess them up
Right here.

I suppose it will get better after Xmas.

I'm just so ashamed that we're broke and my DP has shown such a lack of insight into how that interacts with my mums illness and that I can't do anything about it because I'm pregnant and bonkers (not sure it's classical depression it's sort of a trauma thing of wierd sensitivities extreme reactions and mood swings. Meds really help.)

[AlreadyScone]

Hello. You're not on your own. I've been where you are. It used to help me to try and remember that nothing ever gets solved at 4am (or indeed 5am!) I was so delighted about the new baby, but terrified about how it would all turn out.

You will get through this. Does anyone IRL know you're struggling?

[somewherebecomingrain]

Thanks scone.

I do feel a bit better now the sun is up. Did you have AND?

Yes they do all know. It was a bit of a surprise to my parents when I told them I was coming off ADs cause pregnant. I felt i had to tell them cause i was living with them. I already have one very ill sisterTea is at 4-ish tomorrow x - completely estranged - as well as a 'well one'. My dad just got really angry - albeit subtly - that I'd resorted to meds - oh no not another of my daughters and they dont work and you're just seeking attention.

None of which needed to happen if we weren't living with them - thanks DP.. Then my mum gets cancer which also draws the sympathy elsewhere- rightly so.

How old is your dc? How did u get through? Xx

[somewherebecomingrain]

Oops
Somehow a text Tea is at 4-ish tomorrow x slipped in there. Damn iPhones. X

[AlreadyScone]

Hello again! Your text made me chuckle

I wasn't diagnosed with AND but had been on AD's on and off since birth of DC1. I was determined to "get it right" with DC2 and not get depressed so I worked hard to hide it, mainly by becoming a hermit. I'm glad you're not doing that. Like you I had some issues with housing, plus marriage was a bit wobbly (still is) so I was very anxious.

How did I cope? Well once the honeymoon period with DC2 passed I found myself feeling very dark indeed - just before Christmas 3 years ago, in fact, and I decided to go back on AD's. I was fortunate to have a fabulous GP and very switched-on employers who offered some counselling.

I think most of all, I was easier on myself and had more self-compassion with DC2, and that helped a lot.

This time of year can be quite stirring; I hope that you are kind to yourself (and that you enjoyed your tea!)

Merry Christmas x

[50shadesofmeh]

Hi sorry for late reply somewhere been stressed out my head with Xmas , I'm due elective section at 39 weeks the last week in march so sounds like we are due about the same time.
I was on citalopram and although they helped my anxiety and depression immensely I always felt a bit groggy and half not there, I also put on 2 stones in weight. I guess after the horrible withdrawel I decided I didn't want to go through it all again,
However not really liking the person I've become at the moment, just not very sociable , people wind me up and annoy me so easily and I'm so snappy lol. I know I was better on meds.

[50shadesofmeh]

I already have an 8 year old son and a 2 year old girl, both gorgeous well behaved kids I'm very lucky x

[Hoophopes]

Somewherebecoming - could you ask your midwife to refer you (if they have them in your area) to the mental health midwife. Where I am they have one based at the hospital (not from the peri natal mental health team but that may be an option also) - was able to see her twice before birth (have a baby now but went through pregnancy with no meds)... and she can also advise about what medication is safe to take in pregnancy if you really need it or want it, or when breastfeeding - as well as providing support if no medication.

[somewherebecomingrain]

Hi hoop hopes I've already seen the mental health midwife she said sertralins was fine but I just don't want to - I will as soon as baby is born, prob from a few days before my C-section. I am seeing a psychologist which they fixed up for me but she's not really touching the sides.

I support anyone to take meds during pg . But in my case I feel too much is circumstance and though I do have an MH vulnerability and my life is much better if I admit that it's not so bad that I can't stay off meds during PG. I'd actually be going on them cause my partner won't get a job, my freelance work is slow and I can hardly start looking for a new job now, my mum is sick and we are kind of homeless.

But thanks so much hoop hopes. I didn't want this thread to be all me me me but I thought maybe some other women are in that situation of wading through treacle and battling their un-medicated selves and finding PG an extra ordeal because of it.

MEH - it sounds like you might be on the road to a permanently med-free life but this is the hard bit. Do you like pregnancy normally?

There are SSRIS that are more and less sedating - I think citalopram is more sedating - so maybe you didn't find the right med. but again I get the feeling you are going to get through this without.

I also dread the return of anger, social paranoia and mood swings - when I didn't have children I wasn't hurting anyone but once I had a child I decided I has to do something about it. Anyway they have all returned so my DS has to live with it. I don't think it's right and I even made a GP appointment to get sertralins after a particularly bad outburst at my DS. Then cancelled it cause my DP insisted. On the whole I'm much nicer to him than I was when I had Morning sickness and was in mid-withdrawal so there is good news there. I just spend too long on mumsnet as really talking about this stuff anonymously is helping me more than anything.

Your kids sound lovely and however much your struggling it sounds like your doing a great job. I hope Xmas went smoothly and you are relaxing in this lull - even I feel better.

Yes we are total timing twins - nearly at third trimester!

SCONE you sound like the person I want to be! Back on meds, and stable. Thanks for your advice and you are a beacon of hope.

Xxz

[somewherebecomingrain]

Sorry scone just had to get off quick cause mumsnet- disapproving DP came up stairs.

My tea was ok and I hope you had a good Xmas. Marriage is def v hard but housing should be doable - I hope that is resolving itself.

Xxx

[Hoophopes]

Great you seen mh midwife - a mental health midwife, offer of medication and therapy sounds about what they can offer. Is it worth asking to see hv before birth - that is what I did, so they met me and so on? Or to see a pernitatal psychiatrist to discuss timing of medication etc?

[Cupcakemummy85]

Hi op, I'm totally there with u. I'm 34 weeks pregnant suffered with PND with my first dd who is now 18 months and I had to come off citalopram. It's really tough isn't it without that extra little help. I've not coped too well without it but I haven't quite lost my marbles. God knows what I will b like after I have my second. A complete mess probably. Lol

[somewherebecomingrain]

Hi cupcake thanks for posting! Exactly it's so hard knowing the answer is out there but you can't have it!

I haven't totally lost my marbles either - people in the know say I'm
Coping well. I think I'm
Just good at hiding it.

Why did you go off? Cause you were pregnant? Or before that for other reasons?

Why are you not planning to go back on after the birth? Apparently sertraline by some miracle only passes into breast milk in small quantities and is undetectable in bf infants so I'm going to take that. If it doesn't work I'll ff and take something else.

34 weeks - how is it going? Are you enjoying it at all or can you not wait for it to be over?

Xxx

[somewherebecomingrain]

Ps hoop hopes yes that's the conversation I should have - timing xx