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<Separated But Living together> Suicide Threats if I DON'T leave

(8 Posts)
Whirpooled Mon 12-Nov-12 17:06:33

Hi I don't know what to do, basic background first

2 Children aged 4 & 5
Separated but living together with ex husband of 8 years
No Job - Still looking applied for JSA
My only income is Child Benefit as we are still living together.
I will be moving out in 2 months once parents have converted their loft
He pays for food & my petrol I have to ask for money to do this (Have done all the way through marriage as well)

He has told me I need to leave right away if I do not the children will not have a father.

What the hell can I do?

I have no family I can stay with yet and no real friends that I can ask to

I don't know what to do.

NanaNina Mon 12-Nov-12 19:43:46

This sounds an awful situation. I don't know how people can be separated and live together but I suppose needs must.....does your ex have mental health problems, or do you. It would be surprising if you didn't with the way you are living.

What has brought about this notion of you leaving. Is it new, or is it something that he says from time to time - was there a trigger for him saying this, like a row or something. I suspect he might be using the threat of suicide to get his own way and get you out. Do you feel threatened or intimidated by him?

IF you really don't have anywhere to go and you are afraid you could contact Women's Aid and get a place in a refuge until you parents have converted their loft. Would your parents be able to put you and the children up before the conversion is finished.

To be honest (unless you are afraid) I would call his bluff and tell him that you can't be responsible for any actions he decides to take.

amillionyears Tue 13-Nov-12 09:29:55

I dont know about the legal situation on this, you might want to post in legal
I dont know about the benefits situation, you might want to post in money matters about that.

I think I would be inclined to visit your own GP concerning your exH.
He is likely to be able to advise you, both about your exH, and other matters.

BornSour Tue 13-Nov-12 11:24:42

What a horribly manipulative man. If you were married then you have a right to at least half the equity in the house and he will also need to give you child support.

If its upsetting him that much tell him that he can leave instead. Call his bluff as he has no intention of hurting himself whatsoever. If he did that you'd have the house and he doesn't want that to happen as if he did, he would have moved out himself.

Get some legal advice pronto. See if your parents could lend you the money to see a solicitor to find out what you are entitled to and fight back.

YerMaw1989 Tue 13-Nov-12 11:27:49

Is he threatening to commit suicide with your children in the house OP?

sounds a charmer, tbh I would call his bluff too, is there nowhere you can go?

I would perhaps tell a realtive/friend that he is planning to hurt himself with his kids in the house and you wanna protect them from it.

MrsMuddyPuddles Tue 13-Nov-12 12:28:19

OP, how is it today? I would call his bluff the samaritans or mind and ask about this- I believe if you are seriously concerned that he might carry out his threat, then the police will take him to be checked out at a psych ward, which is where he needs to be for his own health.

Also, perhaps call Shelter? Where do you physically sleep at night- still sharing a bed or is one of you on the couch?

Whirpooled Tue 13-Nov-12 22:47:38

And today he was civil, I really do not know whether I am coming or going.

Physically I sleep on the childrens mattress which I pull off the bed and onto the floor (they are still in cotbed's) not ideal but better than nothing.

I told his mother what he was planning yesterday but did not respond to him.

NanaNina Tue 13-Nov-12 23:10:41

Sounds like the sooner you are out of there the better. I know that there will be money matters and stuff to sort out, but at least you will feel more relaxed away from him I imagine. Try not to let his moods control you as he sounds to me very manipulative and maybe trying to confuse you with his mood changes.

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