Starting to get freaked out now! I am losing my mind :(

[nikki1978]

This was my original thread www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/1146323-Does-anyone-else-forget-things-almost-immiediately-after-doing-them-or-am-I-losing-it-at-32

So since I noticed I was not remembering a few things I am trying harder to concentrate. About half an hour ago I went upstairs to get some printing at work. 10 mins after I got back to my desk I tried to picture in my mind my journey to the printer and couldn't. After a minute of thinking I remembered leaving the office and then being at the printer and my journey back. But couldn't seem to recall the 20 secs it took me to get there .

I feel like I am going to send myself mad. I am trying to make sure I remember every moment of every day and anything I can't see a clear picture of in my mind is freaking me out. And I keep going back in my mind to little things like DH saying he has told me something but not remembering it (at the time I presumed I hadn't been listening as I tend to be a bit of a day dreamer but maybe that is not the case).

Do humans remember everything? How quickly does the brain discard information?

I hate this! I feel like the health anxiety is sneaking up on me again :( Or maybe I am in fact losing my mind.

Funnily enough I just did a memory test on the PC which showed letters for about 10 secs at a time. Starting with 1 and ending up with 12 and you had to remember them and then write them down when they disappeared. I got 95% (only missed one letter in the 10 letter sequence and one letter in the 12 letter sequence).

[madmouse]

Believe the test - please

No, you are not meant to remember everything, certainly not mondaine everyday things like walking to the printer, driving familiar routes etc. Your brain would get full up

I daresay you are overthinking this!

[madmouse]

By the way memory storage is incredibly complex - memories are stored in different ways depending on circumstances. I looked into it a fair bit as I got a lot of long surpressed memories back after ds was born. But for a non-scientist it is mind boggling.

I think you are noticing perceived loss of memories because you are spending so much time thinking about it

[nikki1978]

I know I probably am. I tend to go through episodes when I notice a small symptom and my mind seems to fixate on it and blows it out of all proportion :( I will make a call today to see my old counsellor. I really thought I had beaten this thing but clearly I am destined to have episodes forever.

Of course I say all this but in the back of my mind a little voice is saying "You are forgetting things, this must be early onset dementia"

I would like to beat that little voice to death sometimes

Sadly I am listening to it at the moment and believing every word :(

[madmouse]

What else is going on in your life that is difficult? I find my mind often avoids the real thing by obsessing about something different.

[nikki1978]

Um well I am thinking a lot about Sept as my youngest is starting school and I need to decide whether to go out to work or whether to retrain.

It is not upsetting or anything just is on my mind a fair bit.

Not anymore though. The black mist has descended :(

[madmouse]

Nicky you are not destined to have that forever!!

When you learn a new skill to beat something like anxiety, panic etc occassionally it crops up again and you have to actively use your skills again, reinforce things. That's ok. It doesn't mean you're back at square one. Just that you need to consciously deal with things. Is fine. Honest.

[nikki1978]

Maybe. But I don't seem to be winning the fight this time. I have been so much better for the past couple of years and if something happens I can brush it off in seconds.

In the last 2 months (and I think I was set off by the'end of the world' stuff that was going on here at the time) I have noticed myself getting more and more anxious. First there was the end of the world threads - I actually kept my kids off school for the two days that people were saying something was about to happen as I wanted to be with them if they were right .

Then I got bad palpitations after a night out on the wine in Dec and they carried on for a week with some episodes of what seemed like sleep apnea. Then that stopped happening so I stopped worrying.

Then I kept getting a soreness in my right breast before and during my periods which I had never had before and that set me off worrying.

And now this forgetting thing. But this will be harder to kick as I can notice my thoughts all bloody day long so it is easy to freak out.

Thank you for listening to me drivelling on. I know I must sound like a lunatic!

[madmouse]

no you don't sounds like a lunatic

My very calm and patient DH would cheerfully pull my hair out for me when I go off on one of my anxieties, usually involving imagining ds is very ill and be awake all night checking him....

I'm worse at the moment because I have a lot on my mind, it's ebb and flow really.

You are more normal than you give yourself credit for

[mrsruffallo]

I think you are normal, in that we all have periods of heightened anxiety.
For most women I know anxiety/forgetfulness occurs more frequently the week before your period.
Also, you spelt losing correctly si I think you are fab

[SydneyB]

I think you'll find, as mrsruffallo says, that you are more 'normal' than you think. It's very hard not to be anxious when we are constantly bombarded by 'end of the world' type scenarios. And having LOs of course just magnifies the daily 'fear' we all have to a certain degree. I go through periods of this, have never seen a counsellor, but talking to friends find it is oh so common. Its astonishing what your mind can make your body 'feel'. Good piece of advice someone once gave: the minute a thought like this enters your head, get up and do something else, go to the shop, go for a walk, anything. Feel better soon .

[nikki1978]

Ha ha thanks mrsruffallo

I am on my period now but have never noticed a correlation with my cycle and anxiety. I will keep an eye on that.

Arrggghhh anxiety sucks. I wonder if it is genetic or learned? My mother and her mother are/were both big worriers. And my DD is showing signs of being a bit anxious too :( I have never showed my anxiety in front of her I am sure.

[nikki1978]

Thanks SydneyB. That is good advice.

So be honest with me everyone. Is it normal to 'forget' something you have just done if it is a routine thing?

If I go googling the signs of dementia I will fall into a hole of anxiety which I may not be able to get out of :(

[systemsaddict]

Honestly Nikki this really does sound like it's your anxiety speaking again, so you have done the right thing calling the counsellor - just do whatever you needed to do to beat it last time, except this time it will be much quicker and you know you can do it! Anxiety / panic is a horrible thing but as you know already it can be beaten. Can you start using some of the same techniques you used before, even before you see the counsellor? Were you on any meds before or did you manage it all with CBT or something?

[systemsaddict]

And yes it is completely normal to keep forgetting things, especially routine things like walking upstairs, driving to work etc., especially if you have lots on your mind. If you are having anxiety episodes anyway forgetting can be part of these.

I completely forgot a whole project I worked on when I was pregnant , only remembered it when I was clearing out some old files on my computer! I can still only remember one minute of one meeting, and I worked on it for six months ... Not dementia, just having too much else to think about.

[nikki1978]

I have never taken meds as I don't like the idea. I saw my counsellor for 2 years and it was mainly just talking things through. Not really any CBT involved to be honest. She said over time the pathways in my brain would change and for the last two years I really felt like they had. Maybe they have changed again?

[BalloonSlayer]

"Is it normal to 'forget' something you have just done if it is a routine thing?"


Yes absolutely normal.

I frequently can't remember driving home, although I would have said I was concentrating.

I have no worries about my memory.

[nikki1978]

I do have a lot on my mind at the moment. Two kids, lots of chores to do as my DH works long hours, thinking a lot about retraining as a nurse etc etc.

I always seem to be thinking about something so much that I forget what I have done as I was thinking. I.e thinking while driving then realising I can't remember the last 2 mins. Like I am on autopilot or something.

[CrosswordAddict]

Yes, I'd say this is normal for Mums. Your body just does stuff automatically and you can't remember doing it afterwards, like locking the back door when you come in from the washing line or something like that. Don't worry, be glad that you have such a full life and that you HAVE plenty to occupy your mind. I think that is a healthy sign TBH

[SydneyB]

Totally normal Nikki. Especially if you're trying really hard to remember something! Really does sound like anxiety-related symptom. Have you been on the 'nomorepanic' website? Really good when you need talking down.

[mrsruffallo]

And I often have panics about having left a tap on, the keys in the door etc
When my first child started school I couldn't remember her actually going in the classroom one day and worried myself sick
See, we are all bonkers!

[systemsaddict]

The sort of forgetting you describe is absolutely normal I think, it's the worrying about the forgetting that seems more of an issue if you see what I mean. If you have a lot on your plate then this can easily trigger a bit of a relapse of the anxiety, and if it was health anxiety before then it's normal that it will manifest in the same way again. It doesn't mean it will be with you forever, if you beat it before you can beat it again.

For me it is driving anxiety and social anxiety, which re-emerge when I'm under stress; I use a bit of CBT (learned from books / leaflets, 'Feeling Good' www.feelinggood.com/ and 'Journey from Anxiety to Freedom' were the best for me), a bit of meditation, and have seen counsellors and therapists for brief periods. Most of the time I'm fine, now, and it's just the odd flare-up.

As for 'pathways in the brain', a flare-up doesn't mean the health anxiety will be back with you forever, just that you need strategies for taking care of yourself when you're under pressure. You could always chat with the GP about it; they might be able to refer you for some CBT on the NHS, it is very good for anxiety.

[NowtWorthOwt]

Nikki, you sound exactly like me!, constantly forgetting things dh says he has told me, and often think I have early onset dementia!
I had the palpitations around nov time I convinced myself I had a brain tumor, I went to my gp she said I had anxiety.
I have a lot to worry about and I think that a good amount of my anxiety is genetic, My dad has his issues.
I have found paul mckenna is a great help, I read his book, controlling stress and listened to his cd everyday for 2 weeks and felt amazing afterwards! Now when I'm having a wobble I go through the techniques, then if that doesn't work give the cd a go it really does work!

[nikki1978]

I have had a brief look on that website SydneyB but will have another when I get home from work.

Yes I know what you mean systems. Part of me is worrying about the next time I forget something as I know I will start worrying again!

Which Paul McKenna book is that NowtWorth? Funnily enough I am seeing him next Saturday but that is for being fat rather than being anxious

I seem to get more anxious when I am fatter actually. I lost a lot of weight 2 years ago but have now put most of it back on. When I was slim I exercised a lot and my anxiety was much better. Not sure if it was that with the counselling or just the counselling that fixed it!

I have called my counsellor and we have an appt for Tuesday at 8pm :) Am looking forward to it. She is so lovely and it is nice to talk about nothing but me for an hour

[deleting]

Nikki -Just nice to know i'm not the only one!

[madmouse]

Does being overweight make you feel out of control/powerless?