What have I done to deserve this?

(68 Posts)
bestcatintheworld Tue 28-Jun-16 20:26:37

Over 20 years I've lived in this country. I never meant to stay longer than two years, but fell in love, got married, had children, stayed here because it was easier for my husband. No economic pressure to come or stay here, strictly for experience as a young person, to work, study and improve my language skills. Worked all the time here, never claimed benefits, paid taxes, got a STEM PhD and am now in a highly skilled job. Now I have to worry about work, breaking up my family, jeopardising my whole existence. Worst of all, I am beginning to feel really unwelcome. I just can't get over this - I never considered myself as a migrant, just an EU citizen settling down, getting on with life. Never felt like a foreigner, loved this country for its open mind and tolerant attitude.
I am finding this all very hard to comprehend.Middle-aged now, and truly screwed. No idea what will happen to me.

MelanieCheeks Tue 28-Jun-16 20:51:03

Very un-Mumsnetty I know, but sending you hugs. We are all trying to see the way forward at the minute.

FreshHorizons Tue 28-Jun-16 21:28:08

flowers
So sorry but please be assured that this is a tiny minority, they are just making a lot of noise at the moment.
My son works with a lot of people from EU and they are left feeling very unwelcome. It is all so sad and shouldn't be happening.
I think that we are getting to the point where decent people are fighting it- it is so sick making.

wowfudge Tue 28-Jun-16 21:34:53

I have friends in your position and colleagues too. I have relatives and friends who live in other EU states. This is one of the things I feel saddest about. DP is Irish, but I'm not.

I asked one of my colleagues how he felt and his answer was, 'At least I have options'. He's been here twenty odd years, has a family, mortgage, etc.

It is bloody awful. Did any leavers think about people and their lives when they voted?

Unescorted Tue 28-Jun-16 21:41:16

bestcat snap
19 professional jobs created
paid for education
private healthcare
over £1million in tax paid

I am a drain on the system apparently. I guess we will relocate the business to a country where we are wanted.

FreshHorizons Tue 28-Jun-16 22:16:24

I rather like this idea solidarityand hope it takes off.

unlucky83 Tue 28-Jun-16 22:43:22

Op I understand how you feel - I felt the same (being English born) when it looked like a Yes vote for Scottish independence.
You have put so much into the community etc and they don't want you. But rest assured 90+% of the population don't think like that -just the odd ones who do are being loud at the moment...but it won't last. The feeling will pass and you'll realise what a tiny minority it is that do feel like that (two of my Scottish friends were horrified when I told them how I felt - I was in tears in the voting booth - and I cried with relief at the result....but it was so close (like this one)that the feeling didn't go away for a good few months ...at one point I wasn't sure it ever would - but it did )
And it isn't just down to the Leave voters, I blame the remainers for some of it as well - the hysteria and accusations of all Leave voters being Xenophobic, racists etc....
I voted Leave for democratic reasons. My DP of 20+yrs is from the EU - like you he's worked and paid -had his own business so employed staff, our DCs were born here. He is not going to be deported - no one is going to be deported. We might have to make adjustments in the future - but nothing we can't deal with.
However he went to work before the final result was known (works early shift). He came home in a mess - the 'well educated' Remainers at his work had been telling him it was a disaster, he would be deported, house would be immediately worth nothing, better get our saving out the bank - it wasn't safe to keep there etc etc Worse he works with other EU citizens and they had been told the same rubbish. He came home asking what I thought the best thing to do was ...I said nothing except calm down and stop worrying - it will all be fine - they were talking a load of bollocks... which they are.
So you do have my sympathy flowers but it will pass and all calm down and be fine...

FreshHorizons Wed 29-Jun-16 06:54:05

I think that unlucky83 is right. We are living in horrible times at the moment and I have never known anything like it. Half the population is cross with the other half and the same back. I am having to keep off the subject unless I know that people voted remain so that we can have a good rant together. I have lots of friends who voted leave and don't wish to fall out. It will all settle down in time, probably once someone takes charge and we actually have a plan. Not easy but well over 90% don't feel like that. I wish that you had more replies but I guess people are just fed up with referendum threads.

bestcatintheworld Wed 29-Jun-16 07:11:54

unlucky, deported is a strong word, but how do you nothing will change? I'm guessing eventually I'll need a work permit, which I'll likely get, but what if I get sick? Retire? The point is, this is my home, my rights should remain the same as yours.
I feel like I've been in a constant panic attack since Friday. Human rights come to mind. Why has nobody from the government stepped in to guarantee to us who are settled that we will be protected? Because we can't vote for them?
flowers to those who have expressed solidarity

Fawful Wed 29-Jun-16 07:23:13

I'm in the same boat, OP (only figuratively so far grin ).
I wish I could be as positive as some of you, but legally the fact is that as things stand today, unless we qualify and apply for some Residence permit and citizenship etc, we are going to have no right whatsoever to live here from the day the UK leaves the EU. Unless the government puts something in place for us before the time is up, (and it's probably going to delay saying what exactly, as it will know it will annoy the Leavers who voted on immigration and have understood we are going home), that is where we are heading.
I don't know what makes us think politicians will want to be kind to the 3m of us EU citizens rather than appeal to the 10m British citizens who want us to go (and who have the right to vote them in or out of power)?

Fawful Wed 29-Jun-16 07:29:35

Ah, cross-post. Getting panic attacks too. My two DSs don't even speak my mother tongue. I thought I'd never have to go back to that place.

MissMargie Wed 29-Jun-16 07:34:41

Have you all stayed on here in the UK without getting citizenship?

Do you only have a passport for your original country?

Fawful Wed 29-Jun-16 07:42:47

Yes. Personally I had meant to ask for British citizenship a while back (2011) so I could vote in general elections. I felt I ought not to vote in my 'home country' anymore since I didn't live there. It followed that if I wanted to vote it should be in the UK, and I cared about issues here. I joined a party and passed the life in the UK test, then felt it might be a bit indulgent to pay the £800 it cost then for naturalisation. So all I have as a right to live and work here is my EU passport.

MillicentMargaretAmanda Wed 29-Jun-16 07:43:14

Ifeel hugely for you all and all my many friends feeling like this over the past few days. However, I don't actually think we're going to end up with any sort of deal that restricts freedom of movement as all the prominent leavers, with the exception of that dickbreath from UKIP seem to be pedalling back very quickly on that one. They are all indicating that they want some sort of trading relationship with the EU, probably access to the single market, which will undoubtedly bring freedom of movement with it.
That being said, this is a hugely worrying time for many people so have a hug. I promise I won't tell anyone ;-)

bestcatintheworld Wed 29-Jun-16 07:43:21

fawful, snap. Could sell the house, and use the money to pay for international school for DD in my home country, but my DH would be in the same situation there as me here, surely?
miss, not got British passport. There was never a reason to get one, as a EU citizen. I can't have dual citizenship due to rules of my home country

bestcatintheworld Wed 29-Jun-16 07:48:48

Millicent flowers. I could cry a bit now.
Fawful, I was cross at every election that I couldn't vote, and I too joined a party to support them, but I never wanted citizenship.

TheoriginalLEM Wed 29-Jun-16 07:52:13

<stern face> no one is leaving!! We (the majority ) want you here. When i did my PhD the thing i loved most about the department was the mix of nationalities and everyone felt the same. My field was where most people would expect to go to another country for post doc experience. The department would simply failed if we only had British people in it.

Trivially it made for great fun at world cup time and gave us someone to support whenever we were knocked out. It was thing for yhose of us who don't really do football.

I know that seems really trivial but for me it made my work environment BETTER and academically it was essential

Please don't leave flowers

AbyssinianBanana Wed 29-Jun-16 08:00:38

LEM, I don't think you understand. Whether to leave or not is no longer the individual's choice. The laws must be changed when we leave the EU and what they will change to - is anyone's guess.

TheoriginalLEM Wed 29-Jun-16 08:02:57

Bananas - i concur. Just trying to offer my.support.

bestcatintheworld Wed 29-Jun-16 08:07:07

If this country really wants to restrict immigration, guess not much can be done but surely those who lived here for years should be protected? Feels like going back on a contract already in place. So wrong.

And of course, the same is true for the EU Brits.

Fleurdelise Wed 29-Jun-16 08:19:33

OP I am in the same situation with the only difference that I got naturalised and I do have a British passport but that doesn't feel any better, I am still an immigrant after all. Funnily enough I felt British and European for a long time, I don't vote in my home country, I am interested in politics here and who leads us, my husband is British by birth, my children don't speak my language so there you go...

I work in a high pay job, I pay my taxes, I own a house, I have private medical care so I don't even use the NHS.

The way I feel since the referendum is so low. The hate crimes have increased and to be fair I am sick and tired to be told it isn't about me... I had months hearing about how the immigrants are a drain on the country but every conversation ends with "of course it isn't about you". Now it switched to "the majority wants you here" when in fact the majority voted out of an establishment that, even though it has its problems, I believed in and I considered it is inclusive and tolerant and even though it is idealistic it brings us all together to feel the same.

I love(ed) Britain because of what I thought it was, an amazing inclusive country, tolerant and above all proud of its achievements as a society. But I now feel that it was all just a show, people were not inclusive and tolerant, it was just a pretend game.

I cried listening to a German lady on LBC that had dog poo put through her letter box, told to go home by her "friends".

Fleurdelise Wed 29-Jun-16 08:21:41

And for me now it doesn't matter what the legalities are, it doesn't matter that legally people won't be deported. What matters is that there are people wishing that immigrants are deported.

bestcatintheworld Wed 29-Jun-16 08:50:22

I would like to follow the advice I have seen elsewhere on Mumsnet to write to my MP and ask him to bring this topic up for debate in Parliament. However, my MP has voted for leave (because of concerns over uncontrolled immigration) and I am a bit at a loss for words. If anybody has any suggestions on what I could write, or how I should phrase it, I'd be grateful. I've never written to an MP, and somehow, I don't feel that mine is my friend...

Fawful Wed 29-Jun-16 09:16:46

TheoriginalLEM I'm definitely not leaving of my own accord. I might have to be forcibly removed.
Fleurdelise you are in the fortunate position of only being hurt. Bestcat and I are both hurt and worried. What if there are so many applications needing to be processed that my status isn't sorted by the time the UK leaves the EU? One of my DSs has a SN that's particularly appallingly managed by my home country (the European Council keeps on condemning it for failing to fulfil its educational obligations [ to people with the condition], and did so again in Feb 2014). It ruled:
'There is a violation of Article E taken in conjunction with Article 15.1, because families have no other choice than to leave the national territory in order to educate their children in a specialised school, which constitutes a direct discrimination against them.'
... I will have to be dragged out back 'home', I'm telling you!
The UK to me has always been a place that welcomes people who are 'different' such as my DS. I have felt this tolerance and I have always loved it for it.
The only reason I didn't ask for citizenship before was that I felt guilty taking £800 out of our family money and spend it on myself and my right to vote.

Fleurdelise Wed 29-Jun-16 09:45:49

I don't think anybody will be dragged out of the country, at least I hope so, it will be just a matter of getting the right documents in place.

The feeling of not being wanted is what I struggle with mostly. But I can see why you are worried. flowers

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