DH thinks jobs like this exist - can we tell him the reality?

(113 Posts)
grants1000 Thu 21-Feb-13 11:12:51

DH thinks I can esily get a job that fits the following criteria:-

School hours eg: 9.15 - 3.00 (so I can always pick up the children)
OR
3 days a week 9-5.15 (giving me enough time to drop & pick up children from before & after school club because this job apparently will be local)
AND
That will be flexible for me and me only to work at home the days they are ill becuase he won't be able to ever.
AND
That is still gives me enough time to be responsible for all the housework, shopping and cooking because he won't have the time.

I work from home now because it fits in with school hours and his job, he's away a lot, no fixed times of being in, could have a meeting in London one day, Glasgow the next, may stay over may come home etc etc. His point is that I don't earn much and I should and could earn more, my home business is just a "won't come to much" and I should get a proper job. My "won't come to much" is in it's infancy and just getting going.

So tell me how it is.

Thanks

I think he's living in la la land if he thinks jobs like that exist. I also think it's very convenient that he thinks you can do all the housework etc. He needs to wake up to reality and start being more supportive of you, by pulling his weight at home and encouraging you with your business and not putting you down.

weegiemum Argentina Thu 21-Feb-13 11:20:49

I have a job like that.

I work for a charity for very little money indeed.

mollymole Thu 21-Feb-13 11:21:52

Your husband is an idiot

Cantbelieveitsnotbutter Thu 21-Feb-13 11:21:56

Would he employ someone with all of those terms?!

JuliaScurr Thu 21-Feb-13 11:23:36

You must MUST MUST stop him listening to government statements about unemployment

He has fallen into the common trap of believing them

TallyGrenshall Thu 21-Feb-13 11:25:12

Tell him that you will happily go out and earn the same amount as him but he would then have to employ a CM/nanny and a cleaner and someone to do the shopping because you won't have the time to do it anymore

Or

Tell him to get a grip and stop being such an arse

Dilemma247 Thu 21-Feb-13 11:26:11

I have. Job similar to that
I work 14 hrs a week spread over 3 days

It hAs taken years of stress, a degree and two postgrad qualifications to be in this position..
It's not stacking shelves and I am paid well

But I realise how bloody lucky I am a d it's been years of full time work and out of hours cover prior to this..

He's mad
These jobs do exist.. But they are not usually advertised, they are an accommodation from a boss who wants to keep you and your expertise
Or they are odd shift work and you end up having to do Thursday 5-10 too etc

Hth

KatieMiddleton Thu 21-Feb-13 11:30:37

I think you should start invoicing him for all the work that you do at home where he's not contributing equally.

When you factor in the costs of childcare and household tasks that would have to be covered elsewhere if you were working out of the home it is a significant amount.

Or get a new dh. Much easier than finding the elusive perfect job that may or may not exist.

InkleWinkle Thu 21-Feb-13 11:32:38

Like Weegiemum I also have a job similar to that.
I also part time for a charity for very little money.

DontmindifIdo Thu 21-Feb-13 11:37:20

Tell him to show you one and you'll apply.

Otherwise, do you want to work outside the home? In which case fine, but he needs to step up doing more housework (50% if you go full time) and be prepared to pay for childcare as wrap around, and is prepared to take 50% of the DCs being ill time off.

I can only work because DH goes in to work early and finishes at 4:30 to be home for a 5:15pm pick up, he's just been contacted by a headhunter about another job, as he'd lose those hours, any uplift in salery has to factor in either moving to using a nanny (about £4 an hour more expensive than we pay now) or losing my wage all together (am about to go on mat leave so it's not going to be an issue for a year, it just means i wouldn't go back at the end of it).

If you are going to both work outside the home, then the domestic tasks left (childcare and housework) become equal responsibility of both. If he wants that then you should be prepared to discuss it reasonably with him, but the idea that you should continue to do it all just in less time and with less flexibility is bollocks.

he might have to accept you both look for new jobs. The only ways any parent's career and flexibility are not affected by having DCs are because a) they pay a full time nanny or b) they have a partner that stays at home and makes that their 'job'.

Catsdontcare Thu 21-Feb-13 11:43:19

What an arse. DH works long hours and has very little flexibility over taking time off so he accepts and acknowledges the fact that for me I am far more restricted in what I do and although more money would be nice it's not fair to expect me to commit to a job and then be the one that always has to phone in sick when the kids are ill.

BranchingOut Thu 21-Feb-13 11:50:24

A family member does have a job like that - only now as a working parent who struggled to get a pt job) do I appreciate what a flipping miracle that job is! It is admin at a university, not great pay and no prospects for promotion within those hours.

Tell him you will look, but that it might be a very long wait!

What are this man's good points, exactly? He seems to think that you exist for his benefit, rather than your marriage being a partnership in which each of you makes the other's life better and happier. He wants you to be his domestic servant and to turn a profit from you.

LadyBigtoes Thu 21-Feb-13 11:52:51

I have a job like that.

I work at home and am self-employed. Tell your DH that!

My DP knows he is bloody lucky because there's someone there to look after ill DC when necessary, deal with all the house admin etc. but I still bring a wage. It's especially useful for us as we have no family support to step in. However he would not in a million years get away with doing no housework. My part-time self-employed work, plus childcare and household jobs during the day, adds up to a full-time job just like his IMO. So on evenings and weekends jobs have to be shared.

I work 30 hours - mon-fri, 9-3. I earn an ok wage, and I do like my job - but, my employers are not flexible, they make it really awkward to take time off at short notice and are very unsympathetic about my incredibly rare childcare problems.

So while you might find a job with the right hours, the flexible employers might be a step too far!

CinnabarRed Thu 21-Feb-13 11:56:40

The only ways any parent's career and flexibility are not affected by having DCs are because a) they pay a full time nanny or b) they have a partner that stays at home and makes that their 'job'.

Even a FT nanny doesn't mean your career isn't affected TBH. Not if you actually want to see your kids.

Our nanny works 8-6, and I work a 1.5 hour commute away in the City. I've made a point of refusing meetings starting before 10 or ending after 4:30 because it's important to me to be there for breakfast/bath & bedtime. I work before the children wake and after they've gone to bed if I have to.

But, even so, my career has stalled.

Vickibee Thu 21-Feb-13 11:57:11

I work 930 til 3pm everyday. It is tough dropping off at school getting to work on time and doing all the chores. Not very well paid but it will do for now. I long to be a SAHM but Dh doesn't earn enough. In the hols it is OOSC and I feel guilty about not spending enough time with Ds

ChestyLeRoux Thu 21-Feb-13 11:59:44

I dont think its that hard to find those types of jobs.You could do care,childcare,admin, shop,work for council etc.

All my friends do those types of jobs where they are part time, take whenever they need to with the kids with no problems and do all pick ups/drop offs.

CinnabarRed Thu 21-Feb-13 11:59:46

I'm starting to get really riled on your behalf OP. Your DH is an arse.

RedPencils Thu 21-Feb-13 12:02:53

Its rare But not impossible, I have a job like that. They'd love me to be full time but thy cant afford it. I'm not very well paid, considering my skills and experience.
I sympathise a bit with him, being the main breadwinner. Presumably he doesn't have the option of packing it in and starting his own business. Can you agre to continue with your home business and give it six months. If you haven't made any progress then you'll start looking. That seems a lot fairer.

WishIdbeenatigermum Thu 21-Feb-13 12:07:07

I have a job like that. I volunteered for 3 years at the charity before I got it. 27 hours a week take home about £1000/ month. Dcs are old enough to be left home alone and make their own way to and from school. Even so DH who travels similarly to the OPs and struggles to make parents' evenings let alone a pick up has taken leave during half term, suggested takeaways and stepped up his household contributions.

Snazzynewyear Thu 21-Feb-13 12:34:28

Tell him to ask his boss what jobs are available at his workplace that fit those hours and how much they pay. I imagine there are loads of positions, all paying megabucks! hmm And invite him to point them out to you whenever he sees them advertised because strangely you haven't seen that many yet.

The time spent getting a business started is an investment in its future success, and if he imagines you will be awash with profit straight away, then he presumably doesn't know as much about the world of business and employment as he thinks.

I would suddenly be finding too that when I did the shopping I was too short of time to remember to get stuff he likes. He can put a supermarket order in online while he's busy travelling here and there.

I'm sorry but you're not going to get an employer who's happy for you to work from home every time your child is ill. That's what annual leave, for both parents, is for.

I agree with those posters who point out that often such jobs are a way of retaining existing staff who have put a claim in for flexible working, not something advertised externally as a vacancy.

MyHeadWasInTheSandNowNot Thu 21-Feb-13 12:42:04

He sounds like a total twat tbh.

He is unsupportive
He is taking you for granted
He's treating you like (un)paid help
He's belittling all you do - work wise & children/home wise
He's acting like he's 'above' childcare & domestic duties
He's acting like a complete and utter wanker

There's no way I'd be treat like that, spoken to like that or accept a bloke doing so little childcare/domestic stuff.

Things need to change in your house and it's NOT your income/business/job!

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now