Mumsnet Talk

And before you bother, I'll get the first dig out of the way: No, I'm not so ugly he can't even bear to shag the back of me, boom boom

But, looking for a blokes perspective (or ladies!) about this

Married to lovely dh, 3dc, obv anything that I try is going to be with dh now so am a bit -fed-- up puzzled that I can't seem to get him to let me rty this out.

It's one thing I've never tred wirth past partners and now I would. I'm aware it might not be fab, biut then again it might, and I won't know until I try it! And the iudea of it is a turn on for me..

I know that dh let slip ageeeesss ago he had done this with ex's and was not bothered too much about it, he didn't seem to find it a massive turn on or off. But when I broache drthe subject the firs time, his response was 'I can't do that to you, you're my wfe!'. Well, chivalry isn't what I'm looking for right now! . I think I'm fairly open minded and laid back, I've found his porn previously and am fine with it, so I'm not prudish (obv!)

Dh does, ahem, er, do nice things around that area but he won't seem to do thet whole thing!

Any idea why, how to persuade him otherwise? Am being daft I now but I feel oike I'm missing out!

You're not missing out on ANYTHING

I think the clue is in this "was not bothered too much about it, he didn't seem to find it a massive turn on or off."

He's just not that keen on it!

Be happy.

Having something shoved up your arse is not that great.

LOL as a doctor I find most people are vehimently against the process, enjoy it while you can, it WAS and IS designed to be a one way street.

Can't imagine anything worse.

The only thing you are missing out in is a saggy arsehole and sharting

I wish to disagree with all of these detractors.

Ah, yes, there is the sharting issue I suppose..

Hmmm...I feel a bit sorry for your DH tbh. It sounds as if he didn't enjoy it that much before. Since he's happy to do other things in that area, couldn't you try using a sex toy to do the same job? Do you think he would be ok with that? If he would be put off by a full blown life size penis replica - you could try a small vibrating butt plug and he could have sex with you at the same time ;)

Btw I've plenty of experience of back door action and I have never sharted.

I think the OP is asking for advice/suggestion about experimentation with her dh, not that she wishes to practice it to the point of exhausting her back passage to the unattractive degree being posited here.

why would you want to persuade him to do something he didn't want to do?

am imagining how this thread would play out if it was a bloke asking how he could make his wife let him take her up the arse when she had said she didn't want to...

there are plenty of other things you can do OP

Yes there are plenty of other things she does, I'm sure, but curiousity sexually is quite an interesting arena. Anal sex isn't a 'replacement' for other things, but an intrigue for her to explore.

thisisyesterday that's a ridiculous statement - he dh has done it with other partners and enjoyed it, so it's more like a woman telling her dh she's enjoyed giving blow jobs to others but doesn't want to do it with him.

Imagine having a poo. Now imagine it in reverse.

There you go, now you don't need to ask your husband to try it

Agree with PP who suggested sex toys, that is probably a good way to build up to it anyway...

Wel, I am posting from a male POV, and I find it quite different to vaginal intercourse, for the obv. reasons. The pleasure is quite different from both partners experience, and as a bloke it is/was just an interesting divertissement, rather than a replication of anything else.
Mither him a bit, yes, but also be aware that if he comes out with the chivalry bit it's v. probably because he fears you may think less of his feelings for you.

here's an idea...he might not like it that much?....

What are the "obvious" reasons Pan? How is the pleasure different (for a man) ?
Surely the feeling of being inside a warm, stretchy tube is very similar, whichever genital orifice is used? Is it just the visuals/naughtiness aspect that make it different?
Haven't tried it btw, neither me nor DH are particularly interested, I asked him if he wanted to give it a go once, he didn't <shrug> .

Oh Malificence, you don't have a penis do you??

The vagina is angled, which fits better the slight curve on a penis. The anal passage afaik is fairly straight, so it isn't the same sensation at all. Further, I am unawre of love juice in the anal passage as a lubricant.
The rectum is different in size to the vaginal opening ( and you don't have all of those flaps to mess about with ) and so it's a much tighter fit, and quite difficult at first going for the woman and man. Alcohol, or poppers if you can obtain illegals, serve nicely to relax the muscles.
Of course the "bad girl/bad boy" thing can be a major turn on....

malificence, why is it ridiculous?
and how would you know whether or not he enjoyed it? in fact, in the OP' words "he had done this with ex's and was not bothered too much about it"

i have done things with ex's that i didn't enjoy, and do not wish to do again. if my partner tried to make me do them I would feel pretty shit

"it's more like a woman telling her dh she's enjoyed giving blow jobs to others but doesn't want to do it with him."

no, it isn't like that at all. and even if it was, a person is entitled to choose which sexual practices they do or don't want to partake in aren't they???

From the men I have had conversations with, none who have tried it are overly fussed with it from a sensation pov. Most enjoy it for the mere "rude" aspect. As in it is still a bit of a taboo and thus a bit more interesting.

But the sensation is, as i understand it not overly great. The anus requires a lot of lubrication and is much tighter than a vagina, and so can sometimes be a little painful for the guy (bloody well is for the woman)

TBH i think you have asked him, he has answered and said no. It isn't really on to keep badgering him. If you had admitted trying anal in a prior relationship and didn't really enjoy it. How would you feel if he now kept on at you to let him?

Really, you aren't missing much.

just to add, these are men i have known a very very long time and have no secrets from. Not random men that i quiz about bum sex.

yes Valar, the 'sexiness' isn't physiological at all - for reasons of lubrication, lack of clitoris action etc. The attraction, ime, has been for the 'bad' aspect and sexual enquiry, which shouldn't be under-estimated.