Mumsnet Talk

Dear Ladies,

I didn't feel the need to push during my first labour and so I pushed the baby out with nothing to guide me while in absolute agony (drugs aren't often given during labour in Holland even if you're in a hospital...). It has given me a bit of a fear of doing it again, but I need to get over it as I'm 34 weeks .

I was told afterwards that this was quite rare and so far I haven't found anyone else who had this issue.

I was wondering if any other MNers also had this with their first birth and if it was miraculously cured any better during their second?

WT xx

No urge to push for me first or second time

Yes omg I thought I was the I only one! Second time had the urge tho

First time waters didn't break and I had no urge to push. Nurses had to tell me when to push. Second time my waters broke naturally and I had almighty urges to push. She flew out within a couple! Both births completely different for me! Good luck!

Oh hello, i'm also in NL and had no urge to push the first time.

Second time (three months ago), yes I sure did!

I had a medical indication so was in hospital, no pain relief (good old Holland), but I had a doula and that made all the difference. The second birth was a really positive experience.

Whereabouts are you? Where will you give birth? Would a doula be an option for you?

I didnt first time. Had 2 hours pushing just awful.

Second time deffo did, she was born 8 minutes after waters breaking. Just be careful, with the 2 hours in mind I gave an almighty push and she flew out in one . I was 'lucky' to escape with 2nd degree methinks.

I had no urge to push at all at either of my two births. Second birth, at home, was so much easier though.

Morning! I also didn't have any strong urge to push the first time around - although with the support of a great midwife I managed to have an easy birth. With the second two though, the urge to push was incredibly strong and involuntary. Interesting reading this thread that it doesn't seem that uncommon. Best of luck!

No urge 1st or 2nd time, with no 3 I knew what pushing was. Weird not to get the sensation though first 2 times, thought it was just me.

No urge either time. Second time I just decided to push because it hurt less. Don't know how this one will work out.

It may be hereditary - my mother said she never had the urge either.

I didn't have the urge to push. Contractions weren't that close together either. I pushed in a vacuum mostly. The birth bit was fast though.

1st was horrid, no urge to push but told to push. Took 5 hours, no drugs. 2nd, I decided to wait for the urge and go with my body (no gritting teeth and trying iyswim). Urge to push duly arrived, it was overwhelming, a bit like the need to vomit. It took about 10 mins of not pushing to get ds out. Bliss, and affirming.

Hi there, first time awful no urge to push, was just told to at 10 cm pushed for two hours before she came out (her head was showing for over an hour before that... " come on we can see the head she's almost here...." Argh!). 2nd degree tear.

This time, completely different. Huge urge to push, pushed her out in 15 mins, no tear.

First time pethidine on labour ward, second time gas and air in the pool.

Good luck. What's with the lack of availability of pain relief?!

Wow! Thanks very much for all your replies, ladies! I was told it was quite rare, so I thought I'd get one or two replies if I was lucky

It sounds like some people did get the urge the second time and some didn't, so there is hope, which is already making me feel much more optimistic.

SheepNoisesOff - I'm in Amsterdam. I've also got a medical indication, so unfortunately I'm not allowed to go to the lovely local midwives and have to give birth at the VU, being looked after by a bunch of overworked, under-empathetic sadists staff who don't believe in pain relief. I really wanted a doula, but after crunching the numbers found that we simply couldn't afford it. When I realised this, I almost cried .

Radiator1234 - I feel like we had the same birth for the pushing part. I pushed for 2 hours and after the first hour they could see the head and I got so excited and then it just stayed like that until at the end of the second hour they accused me of not trying hard enough... Yeah, cause I was really slacking off... Anyway, it turned out that DS had his arm in a strange position and couldn't be pushed out naturally, so thankfully a doctor just happened to pop his head round the door and then come to my aid with a vacuum and the dreaded episiotomy scissors.

Re: the pain relief - the Dutch believe that it slows down the birth and interrupts the hormonal cascade which triggers milk production. Despite the fact that everyone else does it and they manage to bf at similar rates, the Dutch feel that they have to prove it on their own population, before they allow it to happen. I missed out on being part of the pilot study by 12 weeks...

Blimey, no pain relief. Not even gas and air? I hope the pilot study has the right outcome.

I do wonder if I'd been allowed to labour longer the pushing urge would have come. But both were pretty long (and with DC1, her heartrate was slowing too much) so the midwives told me when to push.

Have pondered whether to say this as I don't want to worry you, but I do wonder if I'd laboured longer with DC2, I would have eventually got the urge and then avoided post-birth complications (rectal prolapse). But I'll never know and I'm grateful it all went as it did and DS arrived fine.

So I suppose, look at MOST of the stories on here - the second time around it seems most people did get the urge. I hope that will happen for you.

Winky please do PM me - I'm also in Amsterdam and I'm sure there is something that can be worked out if you really do want a doula. There are a lot of doulas in training at the moment who need to give support at a certain number of births in order to get their certification, I am sure that you could be matched up with one of them and I will do my best to put you in touch with everyone I know! Many doulas work on a sliding scale, too. Mine ended up costing EUR 500 and I swear, it was some of the best money I have ever spent. Ever.

I had such a bloody awful time giving birth to my son (pushed for 1 hour 48 mins, so you beat me there - not a competition any of us would want to win mind you ) and ended up in therapy. Then when I had my daughter - wow! Yes it hurt, but the endorphins kicked in and it was much much easier. I can look back on it and go yeah, I did that! Go me! I would love it if you were able to have the same experience, because it really CAN be like that, even in hospital.

I wrote that a bit oddly - obviously if you don't have 500 euros you don't have 500 euros, end of. What I meant was that I think it's relatively cheap for a doula, but I think it can be much, much lower depending on your budget.

I had no urge to push in my first or second birth. In my first once I was fully dilated the MW left me a little while to see if the urge came, it didnt so I pushed during my contractions and DD was born 40 mins later. Second time once I was fully dilated the MW asked if I had any urge to push, I didn't and said I didn't first time either. She didnt find it odd, just said to push with next contraction, DS was born 3 contractions later.

Second time round birth was much faster and easier, also as I had no urge to push it was very easy to stop pushing when the MW said the baby was crowning and to gently ease DS out.

I didn't have the urge to push in either of my births. I pushed them put effectively- but no uncontrollable urge that I know others have.

The MW took away my gas-and-air for the second stage with DC1 because she said it was masking the beginning and end of my contractions (meaning I wasn't using them efficiently to push with), so it's not unheard of to do it without pain relief.

I'm glad to find this thread! I have no urge to push either on my first and only birth. The midwives told me when to push but I didn't know how at all. I can't feel my contractions despite being on no drugs. I just can't. After an hour, they called someone senior in, gave me episiotomy and DD was born with ventouse. I can't believe you were told you didn't try hard enough! I was practically in tears, thinking the baby would be stuck inside, suffocated. I was so scared!

I'm really hoping it will be different this time round. It is encouraging to hear others success a second time round.

Thank you all for your good wishes and for sharing your stories! They are all much appreciated

SheepNoisesOff - Great idea! Now I'll try to work out how to PM you

WT xx

First no urge but second i couldnt have stopped even if I'd wanted to. It was so different and a lot lot quicker.

No urge to push first time but a short labour and short pushing time. Longer second labour but overwhelming urge to push, and like someone up thread pushed him out in one and massive tear! I'd take the first labour again any time.

No urge first time and second time the midwives thought I was at that stage and encouraged me to push but nothing happened. They then said wait a bit longer and after just a few minutes I didn't half feel that urge! Totally different feeling so I wonder if I'd have waited first time round would it have been a bit quicker (not that it was that long tbh).