ZOMBIE THREAD ALERT: This thread hasn't been posted on for a while.
Child birth humiliations(187 Posts)
Il start, after telling my midwife I needed to poop and her reassuring me that she'd checked and I was clear and it was a normal sensation. I did 1 il always remember that moment more than when DS was actually born. Worse still my dp had to clean me up. Soooooo cringe.
No poo tales for me, because both babies were emcs. A couple of days after DS was born (still in hospital) the mw came for the "contraception chat". I exclaimed "Someone stuck a knife in my stomach 2 days ago, and you think I want sex!!" I was in a 6 bed room. She cleared her throat and nodded behind her, to a bed with all the curtains closed and a quiet but distinguishable, rhythmic thumping sound going on.... Later that day the mum in question was visited by her first child, who can't have been a year old!
I was being stitched by the MW when another MW came in. The stitching MW stood back and tilted her head. The 2nd MW tilted her head. The 1st MW said "does that look straight to you?". The shame of having a potentially wonky looking fanjo!
I was convinced the room was full of reindeer and threatened to have rudolf put down if they dared to touch my gas and air!!!
I distinctly remember shouting "BUM CONTRACTIONS! What are these!? No-one told me about BUM CONTRACTIONS!"
I remember throwing up and peeing at the same time whilst on all fours in the bathroom, with dh and midwife watching...
No poo though! Was very pleased with myself, particularly as I had a water birth and kept thinking about floating poo...
I had an internal examination due to a sudden heavy bleed just before my CS birth.
The registrar came into the room wheeling along the biggest torch I've ever seen - like those enormous million watt yellow AA car type torches. It had its own trolley for ease of transport.
The midwife plugged it in and pointed it at my nethers so the registrar could have a good look, but it was faulty and kept switching back to rapid flashing mode instead of staying on continuously.
It was rather disconcerting laying with my feet in stirrups while two people peered up my fanjo with a GIANT flashing torch. There were worse humiliations during my births, but that one makes me laugh
I demanded an epidural as I'd been induced & because they'd forgotten to put it on my notes, despite being 9 cm it was agreed i could have one. The lovely anethetist helpfully told me that i had curveture of the spine. Then when the time came to push, I was a bit put off by the pushing feeling in my bottom & kept recalling that in my antenatal class the MW was insistent that no matter what pain relief you had you'd feel a burning sensation in your fanjo, that I decided in a moment of absolute clarity to stop pushing & pretend. After a few minutes of me doing my best efforts at labour acting, the MW looked at me suspiciously & said "you're just making faces aren't you".
Also as if the humiliation of being stitched up while my legs were in stirrups in front of quite a large audience wasn't enough, when the lady with neddle congratulated me on my calmness, DH piped up that he'd got a paper cut the day before & it was still hurting, so he also knew what it was like to be calm in the face of pain.....
please you pretended, that's so funny!
I pood during ds1s birth, I also peed on the consultant. He did reassure me it was his fault though as he should have catheterised me first.
I was in hospital a week before ds3 was born as my waters broke at 31 weeks and was at risk of cord prolapse. There was another women on the ward who was having twins, as it turned out her dp was at school with my sister.
Anyway one morning I get up to wee before going for breakfast and the cord prolapsed whilst I was on the toilet. The got me on all fours in the middle of the ward so the mw could hold the cord back inside. They then got me on the bed catheterised me all with mw hand still up there whilst moving all the women off the ward to give me some privacy. I threw my phone across the ward to the women having twins so she could ring dp for me
They then raced me through the corridors and past the cafe down to theatre with the mw still attached to me, I had a sheet over but I'm sure it was clear to everyone where the mw hand was!
Omg Bike that's crazy. I can't imagine anyone having sex on the ward after having a baby. I'm not sure I could of kept quiet.
I was induced and halfway through monitors went nuts as baby's heart rate decreased, mw called for consultant and as soon as I seem him I was like omg I no you, we then had a conversation to see if it was true, me answering in between massive darth vader sucks of gas and air.
I had diamorphine after that and when mw told me right that's you fully dialated (sp?) I started to cry saying I'm too tired can we take a break I'm not ready, I nearly feel off bed trying to get up and my Oh had to catch me.
After I gave birth I had a shower and I remember telling hca, I'm not used to someone staring at me as I usually shower other people. (Didn't explain that I previously worked in a home) she didn't ask either. God knows that she was thinking
Have def pooped with all 3 dc's. Oh the indignity of childbirth!
With dc1 I had a huge craving for stodgy food so we went to Macdonalds and I ate 2 quarter pounders with fries and diet coke. When we got back to the labour ward I had some gas and air and promptly puked it all back up. I made it to the sink but virtually completely filled it and also blocked it at the same time. that'll teach me to be greedy!
Am I a bad person for laughing at these poo stories?? especially as there's no poo stories for me, as I had an EMCS, but I do remember trying to stifle the most awful farts on the ward. Who knew having a CS would leave you so gassy? I also had the most terrible bout of diarrhoea just before some visitors came to see me, I'm mortified that they and everyone else must have known it was me that stank out the ward toilet. I did tell the nice woman in the bed next to me that I was sorry, and she said not to worry
My daughter was in distress and they had to get a blood sample from the top of her head to see if she had an infection. I had to be on my side with one foot in a stirrup with a young pretty female consultant looking deep in there with a big torch at very close quarters. I'd had an epidural but could still feel the contractions and was windy with each one. Needless to say I farted directly in her face . I
I also shouted 'Stop touching my back!' at the anaesthesiologist whilst having a contraction during him putting the epidural in. I remember him saying 'don't worry if you have a contraction whilst I put it in' and thinking 'I couldn't fucking care less how it effects you right now'.
With dd1 I had an episiotomy. With dd2 I tore and was told mw x would stitch me as she was v experienced (due to previous scar). Another mw came in and asked if I minded if she watched. I was past caring at that point so just said 'help yourself, everyone else has already had a look' . (Maybe the fact that I hadn't had enough local so the last two stitches were without anaesthetic was no coincidence looking back.....)
This seems nothing in comparison to some of the stories on here but one of my lasting memories of my time on the post natal ward was my conversations with another new mum about our bowel movements!
I had a 3rd degree tear and she had a 4th degree tear so we were obviously nervous about our first poo! Every time one of us visited the bathroom the other one would ask on the way out "have you done one yet?"!!
These stories are hilarious. I don't have any poo stories either but 18 hours after being induced for my last labour, had an epidural and I kept spontaniously laughing. So much so that the midwife kept asking me if I was alright. I was often laughing so histerically I couldn't reply. I hadn't been given any other drugs so put it down to the shear relief of not being in pain anymore.
Would like to try a birthing pool this time round but have to be honest am a bit worried about floating poos. My hubby has even teased that it might be really dense and sink to the bottom of the pool.
Didn't think I had pooed with any of mine but hubby tells me otherwise after questioning me laughing over these posts. He says the midwifes are very discreat, quickly cleaning them up and called them poo ninjas.
I had been
refusing to be parted from doing fine on G&A but 12 hours in and about 7cm I kept pushing down. Mw suggested diamorphine to 'relax you a little bit'. Well, crikey. I went totally loopy. I don't even remember this clearly but DH tells me after.
I was having steady contractions about 2 min apart and doing much better when I suddenly started trying to get up and find my phone. DH asks who do I want to call. Toby, says I, must ring Toby immediately. DH is all as we don't know anyone called Toby. I insist that Toby MUST be informed as he will need to let the president know We had spent the last three weeks lying on the sofa watching The West Wing back to back and Toby was a character from the show. Apparently DH, upon realising this is what I meant, asked me if I thought I was in the West Wing and I told him not to be so ridiculous as no one would give birth in the White House: that clearly the president had sent me to hospital.
The Mw apparently found this hilarious and called me ma'am for quite a while after that. I apparently saw nothing unusual about this. I loved her though, she was brilliant and I see the funny side. DH must have been like WHO'S TOBY? Before figuring it out
Bike that's awful. I used to read student midwife forum and definitely remember a student saw something similar, the consensus was the relationship was abusive. Why and how could anyone have sex 2 days after birth is truly beyond me. It's wrong, I don't care how good the birth was.
I remember being very insistent that I wanted a kipplings apple pie from my snack stash, then saying to dh after the next contraction "you can have the pie back now" and puking it up all over the floor in front of him.
Later he midwife told me to push and I replied "I'm pushing..... Nope, I'm pooing, so sorry, could someone sort that out please" no one batted an eyelid and indeed the unintentional poo was cleared with amazing speed.
My older sister is a midwife, and was with me as a student at the time, she confirms she has seen and heard much worse than me, which makes the mind boggle. Then again, I suppose seeing women in huge amounts of pain, raging with hormones and off their heads on drugs you probably do see some fairly wierd stuff!
Ah, the poop....I was ok until I hit 5cm and the contractions ramped up big time...said I needed the loo, DH helped me waddle to the bathroom where I sat on the bog, howling with contractions, whilst my bowels completely emptied themselves. He kept having to flush the loo..and then the vomiting started....ended up with a ventouse delivery (big-headed child), legs in stirrups and my hooha on show to a room full of people....and yes, I had a voltarol thingy unceremoniously popped up my bum following the stitches which, I must add, were beautifully done. It sure I'm looking forward to this next birth quite so much now
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
Also I was sick in my mouth while in the pool & not knowing what to do with it I swallowed it back down. Gross! The MW obviously saw, cos she asked if I'd like some water.
Tis DS2's birthday today. He arrived 2 years ago at home unexpectedly, and while waiting for the placenta I did have a completely mortifying moment where I was lying on the playroom sofa, legs akimbo, slurping on the gas and air like a mad woman, directly opposite a window by my front door; surrounded by 3 burly ambulance men.
Wasn't really the calming golden hour I'd envisaged, I have to say.
I did plenty of pooing during the pushing bit. They were all small though. I remember that I kept saying I was so sorry and embarrassed but couldn't help it. I actually think I was far less embarrassed than I was claiming to be. I don't care now and fully expect it to happen again this time. But, according to my mum who was there, my DP asked her not to mention the pooing to me as he didn't want me feeling eternally embarrassed by it. Even now, he claims I didn't poo and when I've said I know I did he claims not to have noticed. I'm not sure if it's sweet or weird!
I was on all fours, surgically attatched to the gas and air, when I felt the urge to poo. My body started pushing on it's own and DP was horrified to realise it wasn't just a poo I was pushing out. The MW had nipped out to check on another women and DP had to rush out and find her. He was very impressed with the twist and pull method of cracking off the rather solid poo and DD was delivered in the next two pushes. I can't believe I nearly shat on my daughters head!
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