God, I see your poo stories and raise you.
Had a spinal with DD2 at lunchtime 10 days ago. Think I may have eaten a few too many dried apricots during the course of that afternoon because the grumblings from my stomach were phenomenal. Anyway, come the night shift, the orderlies offer to change my pads and sheets and the midwife offers to check me. Cue almighty fart. Really almighty. Must have lasted a good 10 seconds at least. Obviously I laugh. Which resulted in a bit of follow through. So, very apologetically, I tell the midwife. Feeling in my legs had returned by this point but I was still with catheter. Midwife gets me to stand up so they can clean the bed resulting, somehow, with a sheet tangled round the catheter tubes. Next thing I know I can feel ominous rumblings and all of a sudden my bowels opened and there was absolutely nothing, nothing at all, I could do to stop the flow of shit in my disposable knickers and down my legs. Mortifying!
I felt so bad for the other women in the ward because it absolutely stank. It took ages to try and sort out - the midwife kept having to go and get supplies from the other end of the ward, including scissors to cut the disposable knickers off.
On the upside, they swiftly transferred me to a private room because they were worried about infection. I spent the night terrified that the forceps delivery had left me incontinent. Turns out, according to the anaesthetist, that it was just because the spinal had not worn off in relation to those bits, even though my legs were working.
I particularly loved the way all the staff on the ward knew about the 'mishap' as they affectionately called it! 