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Please help me - I'm 14yo and just feeling like a big waste of a human.

(19 Posts)
InLoveWithMattSmithsQuiff Tue 21-May-13 19:24:18

I'm really sorry for coming here to this veeerry funny (may have seen clasics before, you see) mumsy forum, really sorry. I know I shouldn't, but I need to tell someone this, someone adult, who will tell me I'm being silly, or help me sad
I don't feel like I want to tell any of my family as they won't believe me. I need anonymity.

//deep breath//

I don't feel successful now. I do everything wrong at school, I act wrong, look wrong, do this that and every other thing wrong. I annoy everyone by existing (that's what it feels like) and they annoy me back. I'm not living life, I'm shuffling through it and surviving while wishing I wasn't.
I don't feel like I have a future at all, I don't /want\ to live and see my future as I'm scared of it, I don't believe I'll ever get a boyfriend or be called pretty, or be thin, or be successful, or have lovely little children and families like my older step brothers have, or ever be fit and well and happy.

I feel like a failure who just annoys everyone just by.. existing. :s I don't want to be here sad

And then I get angry with myself for feeling like a failure and shout and just want to die so I don't have to deal with feeling so useless when my life has only just begun.. if you see what I mean. I've even planned out my funeral and how I'll go.

See, it makes me sound silly, doesn't it? sad

I'm sorry. I'll go now. I really do sound silly. Like one of those //ugh, oh no it's her, happiness drainer// draining blehhhhh people.

And sorry for the long post. It kinda feels good to rant.

JumpingJackSprat Tue 21-May-13 19:26:54

Youre not silly. theres a lot of pressure on teens and i remember feeling similar at times. Have you spoken to anyone in real life or thought about seeing your GP?

hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman Tue 21-May-13 19:30:38

No, you don't sound silly at all but you do sound like you're in a very unhappy place right now. Is there anyone in your life you trust enough to talk to?

MeSoFunny Tue 21-May-13 19:33:55

I didn't want to read and run InLove (great name btw! You definitely got that right) grin

You are not alone. In fact you are talking to lots of future 'you's just coming on here. There will be countless people here who have felt ALL of the things that you are feeling so desperately right now. And here we all are; the living proof that there is a way through this distressing and bleak time.

To begin with, you do not need to feel like this. Being 14 is extraordinarily hard and you need to recognise that there are people out there who can help - mum? the friendly teacher who makes you laugh? one of your older step-brothers who will maybe remember similar feelings. If you think that there really is nobody you can talk to face to face (and it is daunting telling people who love you that you are unhappy) then try an anonymous helpline. A great place to start is Childline which is there for everyone, and every problem no matter how unimportant you think it might be. (And believe me, if it is making you this unhappy then it is important.)

It sounds to me like these feelings are festering and taking over a bit too much because you haven't ranted enough. Trust us oldies - there's nothing like a good rant. I still enjoy them. blush

So, call them now 0800 1111 and get talking.

Oh, and promise that you'll be back to let us know how you are?

NatashaBee Tue 21-May-13 19:34:22

No, don't go. Stay here and talk on this thread as much as you need. I feel for you - I felt like you do when I was at school, it was very cliquey. I just didn't fit, and spend every day keeping my head down and trying not to be noticed. And then I went to college, found a group of friends I fitted in with, got a Saturday job and some confidence and it all went upwards from there. I wish I could give you a hug and tell you it will all get better... it really will.

If you don't feel like you could talk to your family, you are allowed to go and see a doctor alone as long as they think you're emotionally competent enough to consent to treatment. I'm sure they'd be happy to talk to you - or is there a teen drop in centre of some sort nearby where you could chat to someone? Teenagers have lots of hormonal changes which can contribute to mood swings and depression, it's worth talking to someone to understand whether your feelings are due to that or whether there is an underlying issue such as depression.

heather1 Tue 21-May-13 19:35:02

You really dont sound silly at all. Quite often how we see ourself isnt how other see us. Is there anyone in real life you could speak too - friend, teacher, family member.

Minithemoocher Tue 21-May-13 19:37:21

You don't sound silly at all - I felt just the same way when I was your age. It does get better, I promise!
I'd second talking to someone if you can.

You don't sound silly to me, just really unhappy.

I think you need to try and talk to someone.

ImNotCute Tue 21-May-13 19:43:53

I remember feeling a lot like that when I was 14.

I stumbled on through life for another 4 years before going to my gp and being diagnosed with depression, the medication has helped a lot. I am married with 2 kids now and mostly pretty happy, but there's no way I could have imagined this when I was your age.

Do you think you could be depressed? Maybe you are, maybe you're not. It might not hurt to see your gp if you think you might be, they'd be happy to have a chat with you on your own if you don't feel you can talk to anyone in your family. It would be good to talk honestly to someone in your family though, you don't have to pretend things are ok (I did for a long time, it didn't help).

Take care of yourself, you will get past this.

BrienneOfTarth Tue 21-May-13 19:46:00

Hi InLove - I felt just like this at age 14, it was miserable. Really sorry you're going through this. being 14 can really suck. A lot of the people you know who seem to be coping better are actually just pretending, but you'll not get them to admit that so I wouldn't try.

For me, it got better when I stopped trying to be accepted by the cool beautiful hair-flickers, and embraced my inner geek and fell in with a crowd of RPG gamers, computer nerds and SciFi Fans. And life became nicer because I changed the rules for what successful meant to me. That may not be your bag obviously, but the point is that there are millions of people out there in the world and you're just getting to the point now when you're old enough for it to not matter if you don't get on with the 30ish other people in your class at school. If you find something to do that you enjoy, you'll find other people who enjoy that too, and you can decide for yourself how you want to define successfulness.

3littlefrogs Tue 21-May-13 19:48:00

You sound lovely, but very sad at the moment.

I was like you at 14. Always felt like the odd one out while all my peers were clever/pretty/successful etc. I had a very tough home life that I couldn't talk to anyone about.

I have a lovely husband, a career and children of my own now. Those years were hard, but I came through it and so will you.

Please do talk to someone, there is help out there.

When I was just a little older than you, someone very close to me took their own life. That person never realised just how much they were loved and how much we all missed them. Forty years later, not a day goes by when I don't think of them and feel so sad.

You are important and special. You have so much to look forward to. Try and keep going and know that this will pass and things can get better.

I have a dd who is just 15. My heart goes out to you.

xx

OrlaKiely Tue 21-May-13 19:52:09

Hiya sweetie smile

I felt like you do, when I was young (am now quite old, ha) and it was very lonely. I totally know how you feel.

You did a good thing posting here, because this was the place where I first found other people like me - and realised I wasn't a gigantic failure. I was just normal. It was such a relief.

That only happened when I was about 30 though - which was pretty late. Please, believe me when I say that you sound like a lovely, funny person, who will have friends, even if you're being got down by all the bitchyness and cliques at school - there will be people there who think you are cool. Honestly.

I know this because I was the most uncool person ever, and yet years later people I was at school with told me they used to want to be me. Which was a massive shock smile

You are ALRIGHT. It's a social nightmare trying to get everything right at school and you can feel like such a failure, I know, but you're not, not really - you're just young and it's Ok to make mistakes and get stuff wrong sometimes (just everyone talks about it at school)

Head up high, look in the mirror, that girl you see, who was a little tiny kid once, and was lovely then - is still lovely now, you're a good person, and you're going to be Ok xxx

OrlaKiely Tue 21-May-13 19:53:39

See - I cross posted with LOADS of us geeks and nerds grin

You're not alone.

JulieMumsnet (MNHQ) Tue 21-May-13 20:00:23

Hi there, InLoveWithMattSmitsQuiff,

There's a lot of really good advice on here. It's very hard being a teenager but it does get better. There's people that you can talk to about how you feel, a lot of people care. As mentioned by MeSoFunny above, Childline (0800 11 11 11) are always there to listen. There's also young minds. If you want someone closer to home there are teachers at school and your parents or your friends. No one will think that you sound silly.

Oh sweetheart.

May I firstly say that you are a very good writer who can not only articulate how you feel but do it in a way that clearly identifies the impacts. With this degree of self-awareness, and ability to say what feel, you are not destined for a life remote from everyone else.

I remember feeling like you. And I can tell you this 26 years on ....

All things you think won't happen, they will. You will meet someone and they'll think you're beautiful. You will make a success of your life, it may not be as you imagine success now but one day the fact you exist will change someone's life forever. I suspect you've already changed your family's life in ways you can't imagine, or indeed understand, until you are a bit older.

I also think that if someone sat down with you and talked through what you've done at school this term there would be more many, many more right things than wrong things.

I was really hard on myself too at 14. I still am to some extent. Finding something I thought I was good at changed my life. I did take great comfort from the words of one adult who took the time to quote this to me:

You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should

I have a picture frame with these words in it, given to me by a teacher, if they would help you PM me and I will pass them onto you.

Btw I don't want your contact details.

mooface Tue 21-May-13 20:24:49

I can completely emphathise. At 14 I felt exactly the same, and it went on for some years...

but I'm not sorry that I went through this. I'm in my 20s now and it's taught me amazing things such as being very conscious of others around me and how what I say and do can affect others. It's probably my main asset at work and in building relationships.

You're lucky to be a very sensitive person. This sensitivity can stand you in excellent stead for the future. Just think what amazing people skills you will have when you're older and have gained more confidence grin because eventually you will want to use all this nervous energy and introspection and worrying that you're doing things wrong into making others feel right instead. It's very difficult to explain...maybe another MN'er can expand?

cocolepew Tue 21-May-13 20:32:31

Being 14 can really suck.
You aren't silly, but you do need to speak to someone.
You sound unhappy and lacking in self esteem. Don't be thinking so far ahead (marriage babies etc). Being thin won't mean you are any happier .

Could you speak to a teacher, scjool counsellor or your dr?

You can post on here as much a you want. We're not ageist smile

Limelight Tue 21-May-13 20:35:30

My love, it is utterly rubbish being 14. It's basically an endurance sport!

Like lots of others who've posted here (apparently we all herd together on MN), I remember feeling exactly like you do now. But it got better. I found my place in the world and you will too.

You're so very clearly a bright, articulate, sensitive young woman. You have so much potential.

It's tough being sad though. Find someone in RL to talk to about this. There's lots of good advice and links above. And keep talking to us. We might be a bit mumsy these days, but lots of us have been there.

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